Sunny_cloud Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Hello, so I started dating this guy. We are both in our late 20s. I am a girl. We got in contact via online dating. He initiated all conversations, and then went silent for sometime. I wrote to him that 'it was great to talk with you but if you are no longer interested then it is ok.' Then he replies, that no he truly wanted to meet me.. So we met. 1st date was great. Then I went on holidays for 3 weeks. He still wanted to meet up and texted a few messages over this time. Then came the 2nd date, which was good. We kissed at the end, hugged, etc. The next week he texted again once or twice. He is not into texting much, I suppose.. And there came the 3rd date. I invited him to my friends party. All was really good and the next day we spent all day together. Lots of laughs, chats.. Things got a bit intense, kisses, touchy feely.. But no sex.. And then he left. No messages, no activity online (fb or online dating website).. Nothing. After 3 days of silence, I wrote to him saying that I hope he is fine, and that this silence makes me uncomfortable. As if he doesn't want to know me. If this is the case, then he could have told me. Anyway, no reply. Now it's fifth day. He sort of disappeared from everywhere. I sent just that one text. Did not bother to call. I never called him before.. Same as he. He only called if he was running late. This is it? I mean 3rd great date and it is over? I guess since he didn't respond to my text and keeps silent for days.. Hmm.. How should I interpret this? Somehow I feel that this is some sort of game.. Which I truly don't understand.. Or maybe he just doesn't like me..oh dear.. I am confused.
Phantom888 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Go pay him a visit to make sure he is not dead. If he is alive that means he is not interested but too scared to tell you.
Mrin Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Honestly? He's probably tied up with someone else. I wouldn't do anything. If he does restore contact, he better have a verifiable and damn good reason. Otherwise, move along. Welcome to dating in 2014. 3
Author Sunny_cloud Posted June 6, 2014 Author Posted June 6, 2014 Thank you for your answers. It justified what I felt. I guess dating in 2014 is complex or I am not as good in reading signs. Time to move on.
J21 Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 (edited) He was probably interested in you for a while, but I think he was definitely juggling multiple prospects. Normally people don't meet up for 3 dates if they're not interested, it's too much time/effort/money. I was juggling two (it's not even that many!) a while ago and even then it was it felt like too much work just to keep up. If something similar happens again next time, I think you could do without the "this silence makes me uncomfortable" part next time. It might've spooked him a lil. You're pretty much forcing/demanding a response, and that just creates an awkward situation. He might contact you, he might not, but just move on and onto the next. Edited June 6, 2014 by J21
mangetout Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 Even if this man wasn't interested any longer, there is no harm telling the OP that he is moving on. Typical cowardice behaviour to give the silent treatment. The man has no balls
Gaeta Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 I am seeing different than the other posters. Here it is. Hello, so I started dating this guy. We are both in our late 20s. I am a girl. We got in contact via online dating. He initiated all conversations, and then went silent for sometime. I wrote to him that 'it was great to talk with you but if you are no longer interested then it is ok.' Then he replies, that no he truly wanted to meet me.. So we met. Why did you let him initiate all contacts? On certain aspects men are exactly like us, they need to feel we're into them just as much as we need to feel they are into us. By not initiating any contact, right from the beginning you were sending the message your interest was mild. 1st date was great. Then I went on holidays for 3 weeks. He still wanted to meet up and texted a few messages over this time. Then came the 2nd date, which was good. We kissed at the end, hugged, etc. The next week he texted again once or twice. He is not into texting much, I suppose.. And there came the 3rd date. Here I am seeing again that he initiated all the contacts. Leaving on vacation for 3 weeks after a first date is really a killer but leaving for 3 weeks without initiating any contact with him really reinforced his gut feeling you are not that into him. I invited him to my friends party. All was really good and the next day we spent all day together. Lots of laughs, chats.. Things got a bit intense, kisses, touchy feely.. But no sex.. And then he left. No messages, no activity online (fb or online dating website).. Nothing. After 3 days of silence, I wrote to him saying ..... Here you did it again. You spend an awesome day with him but did not make contact with him at all.......in 3 days. No I had a wonderful time, I am looking forward to see you again, blahblahblah. The man got tired of doing all the work. For a man to grow into you he needs to feel you're growing into him as well. 1
ain5053 Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 Going through this must be tough, I am sorry. But from it sounds like there is another woman involved. Either he was dating multiple women at once, or maybe an ex-girlfriend or someone he's been involved with besides you. That is really the only explanation for his behavior. I believe he was probably interested in you and more likely still is, but his feelings for another person forced him to make a decision and cut off all contact. If he comes back, it is probably because something didn't work out with the other girl. Unless he has a damn good reason, I would move on. And don't think it's anything you did. It sounds like it's his issue. 1
irresolute Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 He's not interested. I'm sorry. I guess he went out with you because you texted him asking if he was interested (big mistake). He might be a nice guy, and doesn't want to make you feel sad or anything. Just let this one go, it's not the one for you. I'm sorry.
Author Sunny_cloud Posted June 7, 2014 Author Posted June 7, 2014 I said to him before that as long as he is honest. It is fine. Silence is not honesty. I am sure that many people engage in dating games.. With some strategies and etc. but when you meet the right one, this all lose sense. He might have dated multiple people, he might be confused, he might be scared, or he might be already happy with someone else. There are so many possibilities. But at the end of the day it is how he made me feel that I will remember. The most strongest feeling now is - confused and unhappy, this is what he means to me now. Therefore, surely he is not the person for me and it is best to forget. If you want to have a happy relationship, you firstly should be happy with yourself. This is what I didn't see in him. I don't have any angry feelings. I hope he will find himself and his person. Same as I will. 1
Wisecrack Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 I get quickly tired of woman who won't jump off their high horse and think the guy has to do all the work. I'm not talking about putting out but rather keeping in contact. If you don't initiate every once in a while or do something -even the littlest to acknowledge or show some heart, why do I owe you a reason I've moved on if you have not realised it. If this were a guy posting you'd already be shut down harshly for not realising it.
Author Sunny_cloud Posted June 7, 2014 Author Posted June 7, 2014 (edited) I get quickly tired of woman who won't jump off their high horse and think the guy has to do all the work. I'm not talking about putting out but rather keeping in contact. If you don't initiate every once in a while or do something -even the littlest to acknowledge or show some heart, why do I owe you a reason I've moved on if you have not realised it. If this were a guy posting you'd already be shut down harshly for not realising it. I am always surprised how quickly people jump to assumptions.. Did I tell that I never initiated contact? I only said that I never texted first online and that I never called. Why I never called? As I was afraid. Why? As when I used to even send him mobile texts first, asking how he is or saying that I truly enjoyed the time together, he would not reply or used to reply one or two days after. You know I introduced him to my friends.. And it was a big step for me. Yesterday a friend asked me how he is. Guess how I felt talking about someone who after I introduced him to my friends, vanished? Very very Unpleasant. I don't want to see someone, who created such feeling. And coward is not the man, I am after. Edited June 7, 2014 by Sunny_cloud
rubberman Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 No sex on 3rd date = no go. He lost interest in you, move on.
Gaeta Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 As when I used to even send him mobile texts first, asking how he is or saying that I truly enjoyed the time together, he would not reply or used to reply one or two days after. Why did you continue seeing someone so unreliable. We are responsible for what we let enter our life. At the very beginning a man that does not reply or only replies 2 days later is not worth your time. 2
Author Sunny_cloud Posted June 8, 2014 Author Posted June 8, 2014 Why did you continue seeing someone so unreliable. We are responsible for what we let enter our life. At the very beginning a man that does not reply or only replies 2 days later is not worth your time. Thanks for the insight. I agree. That person is unreliable. When I met him, I got too much things happening in my life in terms of work, holidays, other plans etc. So I didn't pay such great attention on analysing his behaviour. Anyway, I should have thought about this earlier. My gut feeling says that he is a bit lost in terms of himself, what he wants and has an emotional baggage from previous relationships. if you are at such stage you are unable to have a healthy relationship or simply allow a new person to your life. Still I wish him all the best what's the point to be angry on someone who I guess even doesn't think of you anymore. And... Life goes on Meeting him allowed to better understand myself. I can't invest time in someone who is not sure about himself or anyone else around.
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