Jay77098 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 I am now 3 months post-BU, and I feel like I'm in a really strange stage. I went through all the normal phases in the post-BU period, and I even fell apart one day and broke NC, calling her, with the predictable pain as a result. Recently, I have begun to tear down the pedestal that I had put her on. I started to recall all of the lies that she told me, and I remembered the cold, callous way she treated me when she had decided to move on from the RS. I reminded myself of every single little thing (that I could think of) that I didn't like about her or the RS. And I have to say, it helped. Immensely. But I have to admit that I still have the occasional pangs of missing her (or more likely, I miss the RS). And I still get a knot in my stomach when I think about her being with another man now; it's just a quick, painful shot of jealousy that tears through me. I don't even want her back. I could never trust her again after her deception and her selfish, mean behavior at the end. It's a strange mix of feelings. I am not sure that I'm even asking a question here. I guess I just need some encouragement from my fellow LoveShackers today...
somegoodman Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 What helps is to think of it this way: There are two possible outcomes to a romantic relationship. You either break up or you marry (and then divorce). So ask yourself what it is you expected from the relationship. Do you really want to marry this girl? If not, why do you feel like you want the relationship back? It is common to feel sad and betrayed even knowing you don't want anything to do with her. It is likely that your trust in people and relationships had eroded due to this break, hence the "weird" feeling. It's actually a good thing, it will make you stronger in the long run.
Author Jay77098 Posted June 5, 2014 Author Posted June 5, 2014 Thanks, somegoodman. You are absolutely right. I have tried to tell myself the same thing, but I have this inner conflict between my rational brain and my emotional brain. The rational brain keeps saying that this woman was nothing but trouble, a liar and manipulative and utterly self-concerned. My emotional brain, however, continues to send the occasional wave of longing for all the good things related to the RS. It is a weird and somewhat painful conflict between the two sides of my brain. I guess I'm just having one of those emotional days...
lime87 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 It's good to talk about it though on LS, better you do it here than breaking NC and setting yourself back a bit or bottling these things up! It sounds like you are healing, those feelings of missing a relationship won't be gone in three months completely. You're doing great, you've accepted the end of the relationship and that she wasn't good for you - well done! Soon your head will overrule the feelings of longing for the relationship and you will be stronger. I'm only two weeks post break up/NC and I am hopeful I'll be in the same place as you in three months .
Jewels7 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 I just wanted to say you're not alone. I keep reminding myself of all the terrible things my ex did and why I left him. Even though I remind myself it doesn't really seem to help and I just remember the good and want to run back to him. I also get terrible pangs when I think about him being with someone else. It physically hurts. I am just a month post BU, so you're ahead of me. I guess this is all normal though. All I know is to say just hang in there. *hugs*
Rig88 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Your post was very heartfelt and honest. Although it feels like the worst thing in the world right now but the way you're feeling is perfectly normal. It's normal to feel confused and overcome with mix feelings , you resent the bad parts of your relationship but you miss the good parts of your relationship. Time is the best healer. Good luck.
Author Jay77098 Posted June 6, 2014 Author Posted June 6, 2014 Thanks, lime87, Jewels7 and Rig88. I appreciate your support and kind words. I am struggling a bit today. Your posts have made me feel better, and I am grateful.
bluenote Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 Its somewhat a relieve that there is someone with exactly the same feelings and experiences I go through. I realy wish you strength to carry on and endure. I believe you and all the rest who go through this will overcome.
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