Every time you think it can't get worse...

[Owl]

So, I am still married. GEEZ, not going well. (obviously, since I am still doing stupid s***.) We keep talking about separating, but when push comes to shove, nothing happens. I love our little family and I love it when we are all together as a family, but when the kids are gone, there is nothing. No chemistry, no desire to be together. Constant arguing. It's just been tough.

 

No offense intended at all in this post. Please realize that.

 

I'm a former BS...so I can't speak much to what to do as far as the broken NC goes.

 

But...what I can give some advice is on this last part of your post.

 

Personally, I would suggest focusing on what's within your scope of control. You can't control the other guy...other than to block him to prevent him from coming around again.

 

What you CAN focus on is your marriage. Don't take me wrong...I have no vested interest in it one way or another. But my advice is to do something about that situation...because you CAN do something about it. And...focusing on that can help you avoid focusing on the other.

 

So...you really need to take a good, hard look at your marriage, and decide whether or not you think it's fixable. What can you do to change things...is your spouse capable or willing to change things on his side? If the answer is that it's broke beyond repair, or the two of you simply have never been capable of fixing what's broken...then start ending it. Take steps to figure out what's gotta happen to get a divorce, figure out how to work out finances, and start moving in that direction. Alternatively, if you think it IS capable of being what you want/need out of a relationship...then make it happen. Figure out what its going to take on your side to fix things...INSIST that your husband do the same on his side. Start marriage counseling, do what needs to be done to make it into a relationship that'll satisfy both of you.

 

Actually...my advice stands for a lot of the folks who are posting here now...I think it's pertinent for many to consider.

 

If the affair is ended...figure out what to do about the relationship you are still in...one way or another.

 

THEN DO IT.