Not sure anymore, any tips welcome

[Confusedmale83]

Any advice would be massiveley appreciated as i dont really have anyone to talk to and first time here just hoping someone can give me some solid advice, prefferably from a female.

 

I'm male 30 and my girlfriend is 26, i can honestly say neither of us felt love like it when we met, it was an incredible connection we both felt like we'd known each other years. She has a 2 year old with an ex whos barely around and thats the background story.

 

We've been seeing each other now for 6 months and its pretty serious but for the past month everything has just gone wrong. She says its because shes stubborn & defensive if she feels shes going to get hurt because the ex kept walking out on her for weeks at a time, even walked out 2 weeks after the child was born for a month and didnt talk to her and i believe its left her scarred.

 

Basically we had an argument about a 6 weeks ago, was a pretty big one but long story short we made up pretty quickly it was because her and the ex where exchanging messages that to me seemed a bit too lovey, not discussing nappies etc but saying things like 'i want to make you smile today, my friends says our child looks like you x' things like that and it made me uncomfortable but she wasnt very understanding and just called me insecure. anyway fast forward a few weeks and the past month has been hell. She has done things like, i made a picnic for her and the child we went to the park and had a nice day, i rubbed sun cream on the kid and then had a tiny bit left on my finger so put it on her knee, she went NUTS in the middle of the busy park shouted 'YOU F'IN IDIOT!!' i obviously said 'calm down why you getting so mad was only a joke' and she said i was stupid for doing it as she didnt want factor 50 on her knee, fair enough but seemed a bit over the top. basically all month now a lot of things like that have been happening. shes been short with me and whenever we have an argument even if its a small one she just drops off the face of the planet, she gives me silent treatment which can last days i litterally cannot speak or hear from her over something stupid. Now we get to the sex. we dont do it anymore and everytime i ask she says im pressuring her and its putting her off it, so ive even tried not mentioning it for a week and then just nothing happens. it seems with ex she knew he'd leave so faught for him, with me she knows i wont leave so starting to honestly treat me like dirt. Heres the kicker for me, she is now on holiday in spain with her family and son, the week before we had an argument because of how she was talking to me, for the rest of the week she ignored me, i text, called everything trying to make up saying 'id like it if we could sort this before you went away' which i no is a dumb move as should be her chasing after being wrong but anyway, she didnt, anyway once she got there she sent me a msg on facebook saying how she wishes it was us on holiday together and how she misses me and is sorry for evertyhing. anyway we spoke and things looked up, 2nd day i said to her how she should enjoy her holiday and not contact me everyday as i just need space to think about what i want because things havent been going well and no sex for a month now just feels rubbish for me, just need to get my head around things and this week apart might be good for us. she just said 'goodbye' and blocked me on facebook, 4 days later shes still on holiday and ive heard nothing.

 

i feel everytime we argue she says the most hurtful things even once said i was a chore to sleep with even though a week before that she was telling me i was the best she'd had. but the worst part is every argument now whether its her fault or mine she dumps me, says leave me alone and then doesnt talk for days, longest ive left it is 4 days then i went up to her house and tried to talk. I just dont get whats happened to us and the more im working the more i feel like im becoming a clingy idiot which isnt like me at all.

 

my question is this, has she lost all respect for me and falling out of love? she says she doesnt care etc but then when i fight to make up she eventually says shes just stubborn and does care, but to me it feels like if everythings her way, sex, meeting, everything then we work, soon as i open my mouth lately to anything i want she says 'no' calls me horrible names then doesnt talk to me for days on end. i feel like i cant go on like this but never loved anyone so much, this is my 2nd serious relationship and i feel a lot more for her than i did my ex of 4 years and she says the same but i just feel so unwanted all the time. i mention sex and its like im asking to do something horrible, she used to fight for us now she just walks away and ignores me, i really dont no whats going on, if shes truly just stubborn or really doesnt give a F about me anymore. do i believe what she says when shes ok or what she says when shes mad because ive learnt you only say things when mad that are partly true so she must mean some of them. feel im losing her and it hurts.

 

One minute she can be the nicest girl alive the next shes defensive, nasty and actually is the most horrible person ive ever met. I honestly hate how she says she still loves me etc but then doesnt really flirt, or want sex or do anything which shows me she cares. I know she threw herself at ex because she told me early on how she did anything for him but with me shes never once asked what i like or dont like and if i ask for oral or anything its always met with a no. shes starting to seem really selfish and didnt expect this at all with how we met.

[Grumpybutfun]

We teach people how to treat us, and you are teaching her it is ok to be mean to you. Her behavior is horrible and unhealthy. You are way more invested than she is so she is disrespecting you while holding onto her ex. It sounds like she is still in love with him and is driven by her ego to possibly get him back. What she texted him indicates she would be with him if he would allow it. You are essentially the guy she is using to make herself feel better. You will only become lower and lower in her eyes as time moves on. Time to break up and find someone who values you.

Good luck,

Grumps

[Confusedmale83]

Just as an edit:

I do everything for her too, i cook, clean, massage her for sometimes hours, rub her feet, run her baths, look after the child, change his knappies, looking at different places to take them, always pay for everything

just feel im becoming a mug who shes knows will be around no matter what and that worries me how far she will push this as she has cheated on someone before, told me she felt that guilty she'd never do it again to anyone but has also said a big part of doing it was because he let her walk all over him so she didnt respect him. constatnly feeling now if i end up the same way that she may cheat on me, and the texts to the ex didnt help.

 

Another argument i didnt mention which i really didnt like was when i left her house at 5:00pm as the dad spends 1 day a week with the kid, anyway i forgot something so quickly went back into the house, as i did she was putting the kid to sleep even though the ex was coming at 5:30 to see him so i asked 'why you putting him to bed when the ex is coming? cosey night in when you told me you dont even sit in the same room as the ex when he comes, now you're putting kid to bed to sit alone with him? whats going on?' she called me paranoid and had a go at me for waking the kid up. Really dont know if im being led on here or not.

 

Any advice would be massiveley appreciated as i dont really have anyone to talk to and first time here just hoping someone can give me some solid advice, prefferably from a female.

 

I'm male 30 and my girlfriend is 26, i can honestly say neither of us felt love like it when we met, it was an incredible connection we both felt like we'd known each other years. She has a 2 year old with an ex whos barely around and thats the background story.

 

We've been seeing each other now for 6 months and its pretty serious but for the past month everything has just gone wrong. She says its because shes stubborn & defensive if she feels shes going to get hurt because the ex kept walking out on her for weeks at a time, even walked out 2 weeks after the child was born for a month and didnt talk to her and i believe its left her scarred.

 

Basically we had an argument about a 6 weeks ago, was a pretty big one but long story short we made up pretty quickly it was because her and the ex where exchanging messages that to me seemed a bit too lovey, not discussing nappies etc but saying things like 'i want to make you smile today, my friends says our child looks like you x' things like that and it made me uncomfortable but she wasnt very understanding and just called me insecure. anyway fast forward a few weeks and the past month has been hell. She has done things like, i made a picnic for her and the child we went to the park and had a nice day, i rubbed sun cream on the kid and then had a tiny bit left on my finger so put it on her knee, she went NUTS in the middle of the busy park shouted 'YOU F'IN IDIOT!!' i obviously said 'calm down why you getting so mad was only a joke' and she said i was stupid for doing it as she didnt want factor 50 on her knee, fair enough but seemed a bit over the top. basically all month now a lot of things like that have been happening. shes been short with me and whenever we have an argument even if its a small one she just drops off the face of the planet, she gives me silent treatment which can last days i litterally cannot speak or hear from her over something stupid. Now we get to the sex. we dont do it anymore and everytime i ask she says im pressuring her and its putting her off it, so ive even tried not mentioning it for a week and then just nothing happens. it seems with ex she knew he'd leave so faught for him, with me she knows i wont leave so starting to honestly treat me like dirt. Heres the kicker for me, she is now on holiday in spain with her family and son, the week before we had an argument because of how she was talking to me, for the rest of the week she ignored me, i text, called everything trying to make up saying 'id like it if we could sort this before you went away' which i no is a dumb move as should be her chasing after being wrong but anyway, she didnt, anyway once she got there she sent me a msg on facebook saying how she wishes it was us on holiday together and how she misses me and is sorry for evertyhing. anyway we spoke and things looked up, 2nd day i said to her how she should enjoy her holiday and not contact me everyday as i just need space to think about what i want because things havent been going well and no sex for a month now just feels rubbish for me, just need to get my head around things and this week apart might be good for us. she just said 'goodbye' and blocked me on facebook, 4 days later shes still on holiday and ive heard nothing.

 

i feel everytime we argue she says the most hurtful things even once said i was a chore to sleep with even though a week before that she was telling me i was the best she'd had. but the worst part is every argument now whether its her fault or mine she dumps me, says leave me alone and then doesnt talk for days, longest ive left it is 4 days then i went up to her house and tried to talk. I just dont get whats happened to us and the more im working the more i feel like im becoming a clingy idiot which isnt like me at all.

 

my question is this, has she lost all respect for me and falling out of love? she says she doesnt care etc but then when i fight to make up she eventually says shes just stubborn and does care, but to me it feels like if everythings her way, sex, meeting, everything then we work, soon as i open my mouth lately to anything i want she says 'no' calls me horrible names then doesnt talk to me for days on end. i feel like i cant go on like this but never loved anyone so much, this is my 2nd serious relationship and i feel a lot more for her than i did my ex of 4 years and she says the same but i just feel so unwanted all the time. i mention sex and its like im asking to do something horrible, she used to fight for us now she just walks away and ignores me, i really dont no whats going on, if shes truly just stubborn or really doesnt give a F about me anymore. do i believe what she says when shes ok or what she says when shes mad because ive learnt you only say things when mad that are partly true so she must mean some of them. feel im losing her and it hurts.

 

One minute she can be the nicest girl alive the next shes defensive, nasty and actually is the most horrible person ive ever met. I honestly hate how she says she still loves me etc but then doesnt really flirt, or want sex or do anything which shows me she cares. I know she threw herself at ex because she told me early on how she did anything for him but with me shes never once asked what i like or dont like and if i ask for oral or anything its always met with a no. shes starting to seem really selfish and didnt expect this at all with how we met.

[HappyLove]

Dude! You are not becoming a mug you ARE a mug. You're the mug, cup, matching saucer with knives & forks thrown in! Wake up! (Cyber slapping you and shaking you right now to snap you out of this.)

 

This girl is not into you one bit! But regardless of her and her emotional abuse aside.

 

Let's get back to you! What you have here is NOT love. Why would you allow someone to treat you like this? You deserve a woman that would treat you with the SAME respect you treat her. This girl is loving every second of how obsessed you are with her! She will never respect you until you respect yourself. This relationship is dysfunctional. Please find someone who treats you with respect! You've disappointed yourself. Find your dignity once again and move on. She is not the last woman on Earth. Don't let anyone treat you or make you feel like crap. Aren't relationships supposed to be the icing on the cake to our lives? Isn't she supposed to be making you feel good about yourself? Not out embarrasing you in public! You can do so much better than this!

[Gaeta]

Why in the world are you letting this woman treat you like dirt?? She does not love you. She uses you and manipulates you. Why? Because she has NO respect for you! Why? Because she doesn't see you as a man! She sees you as a thing she can use and discard as she wishes and it's your fault. It's your fault because each time she treated you like sh.it you let her, not only you let her but you reward her with cooking, cleaning and all.

 

An by the way it's a matter of time before she drops you to go back to her ex.

[Keenly]

If you ever want self esteem or to be happy again, you need to let this woman go, and move on with your life.

 

 

 

What on EARTH makes you think this stuff will change at any point? This woman sounds like a box full of drama petty quarrel.

[Zahara]

my question is this, has she lost all respect for me and falling out of love?

 

Yes, she has no respect for you. When a man acts like a doormat, it's highly unattractive and it's a turnoff. So, yes, she has no respect for you and likely she will continue to diminish you. When a woman speaks to you with such contempt, there is no going back to love.

 

She is not in love with you. Love in the healthy sense doesn't treat someone like shytt. When someone loves you, they are consistent in treating you with respect, they don't treat you like shytt when they can't be bothered with you, and then treat you nice when they want something from you.

 

The only reason she's still with you is because you're a doormat and can provide her with whatever benefits she needs.

[jbelle6]

You could look at this logically, as an investment.

 

How much have you put in, and what are your returns?

 

I know feelings aren't logical, but still, you cook, clean, pay for everything, take care of her kid...and you beg for a BJ and she still says no? What's the point in all of it?

 

She sounds very mean.

[LostOnes05]

Definitely agree with everyone above, especially Grumpybutfun. This woman does not value you in any way, shape, or form. The best option for you would be to run far away from this woman. Go to the gym, reconnect with friends, get some new hobbies. This will leave you with little time to even think of her. Get started now, so that when she comes back you will already have a set schedule [ONE THAT DOESN'T INCLUDE HER!]. I'm not saying it will be easy but focus on yourself at this point, because she obviously is. It sucks to say but when you are too nice [i have this problem too], it is mistaken for weakness. Leave her be and find someone else who is better for you. And if she should contact you, take those never-ending apologies with a grain of salt and leave her with this, "when you find another guy that treats you well, I'm sure you will appreciate him". She'll get the message.

 

Be strong bro!