So this article I'm reading says men don't like nice women...

[moimeme]

OK. Rule number one: hands off until many more than four dates.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by CurvyGurl

TO BE CLEAR:

 

I have dated, as in gone out on dates. Never more than 4 consecutive dates with any one man.

 

When I say messing around, I mean heavy petting, kissing, etc etc. I have never had sex. I have never had or given oral sex.

 

so lets examine this CURVYGURL....what do you tell these guys? are you telling them no sex before marriage? If thats what u say then that is what is scaring them away.

 

would you have sex in a long-term serious relationship? what exactly do you say to them? i am curious.

[CurvyGurl]

I agree, moi. Hands off, though I fear that will plop me squarely in the 'FRIENDS' column.

 

 

Alpha if I were in a LTR I would consider sex being a part of that, but seeing as how Im a virgin, I would have to get past a certain point before I felt like I could trust him to give that part of myself to him.

 

 

What I tell them varies. I used to tell them upfront I was waiting for marriage. Then I migrated to saying Id prefer to be in love with someone before I had sex with them. I still would certainly prefer being long term with someone before I went that far but even that is changing and evolvng.

 

For me it seems that being determined not to let sex be a caual and meaningless act is enough to drive them away. Many men are looking for a good lay and a good friend, and if the same person can provide these, that's even better.

[moimeme]

IMHO any guy who bases his judgement of you on your willingness to 'put out' isn't worth it. Some guys seem to think you don't like sex or aren't great in the sack if you don't give it away to everyone who asks. That pitiful lack of discernment disqualifies someone for me right there

[alphamale]

Originally posted by CurvyGurl

What I tell them varies. I used to tell them upfront I was waiting for marriage. Then I migrated to saying Id prefer to be in love with someone before I had sex with them. I still would certainly prefer being long term with someone before I went that far but even that is changing and evolvng.

 

For me it seems that being determined not to let sex be a caual and meaningless act is enough to drive them away. Many men are looking for a good lay and a good friend, and if the same person can provide these, that's even better.

 

well you must be bring up these issues way too early with all these guys if you havn't ever had a 5th date.

 

i'm a pretty flexible guy and if i really like someone i will wait for sex cause it is worth it but if she says on the first few dates that sex is a big deal and she needs to be in love i would prob be history.

 

you may want to keep quiet on your feelings about these issues until a guy gets to know you better.

 

this is a tough one cuase you're in a very unusual situation.

[CurvyGurl]

Ok... no mention of sex at all. Hands off till well after date 4.

 

I don't think I am going to date for awhile. I need to work on some stuff. Lose some weight. Get a life.

 

 

Thanks for the suggestions. Interesting what the article brought out. I still thnk the author has a point and I choose to take something from it. 'Don't be a doormat!'

[alphamale]

Originally posted by CurvyGurl

I don't think I am going to date for awhile. I need to work on some stuff. Lose some weight. Get a life.

 

'Don't be a doormat!'

 

being nice in the U.S. won't get you very far. and physical appearance is #1 determinant of the number of dates one gets.

 

when i got divorced back in '96 i had gained like 40 lbs during marriage and no women would go out with me, at least the ones I liked. It took me a year to lose all that weight and lo-and-behold all of a sudden women were coming outta the woodwork.

 

my point is that when women were not inteested when i was heavy i was forced to be "nicer" and also cause my self-image was bad. when i lost weight i wasn't as "nice" anymore cause i did not care what people thought cause I know i looked good.