stateofgrace Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 So I've been dating my boyfriend for about 4 months now. Things have been going pretty well. We have a lot of fun together, we laugh a lot, I've met his family and friends and they all love me, we see each other about 3-4 times a week, he does things for me which I am always grateful for, he can be very sweet.. He said he loved me after one month and that freaked me out a little bit and I put up a bit of a wall. That kind of diminished after a while and now he usually only says it while we're drinking (which is fine, I mean, I wasn't taking it to heart until he could say it to me sober.. however he is a little shy/is a man of few words in terms of his feelings, so I think he may have just needed some liquid courage to say it at first). He said it to me after our baseball game on Tuesday for real, which made me happy because I really feel like I'm falling in love with him. I said it back. Last night, he came over, I was really looking forward to seeing him. We were planning on BBQing some steaks for dinner and watching the hockey game. It ended up being a big mess, we didn't have propane, the BBQ wouldn't light, it ended up pouring rain and we ended up pan frying the steaks and didn't eat until like 9:30. He was a little grumpy, kinda just sitting and watching tv, usually we'll make out during commercials or something but he just kept flipping channels instead. We did have sex, and it was great (our sex is usually pretty intense - best sex I've ever had for sure). However, he didn't say he loved me when he left yesterday. He left his work phone at my house and came to pick it up this morning and didn't say it again. I feel like things were a little off last night, and now I'm just not sure if it's one of those things where I'm over-thinking it and he doesn't even think twice about it (such as this story - Tickld Mobile - Spread Laughter and Cure Boredom) or if this is something I should be concerned about? I'm feeling a little bit vulnerable now. I think I tried hard not to fully invest myself at first, for fear of being hurt and not sure if it was going to turn into something serious, but now it's getting hard NOT to get invested and I'm finding myself falling in love with him. I know the worst thing that would happen would be that we break up and I move on, but I don't want that to happen. Just a little confused I guess.
Keenly Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Its one isolated incident. Try not to drive yourself crazy worrying about this because it doesn't mean anything.
ja123 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Yeah, try not to overthink it. He could've had a gazillion things going on (i.e. work) so it was a plus that he saw you on a work night. Keep in mind some people don't need to say "I Love You" every 5 seconds, but that doesn't mean that they're not in love.
DArtagnan2 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 He could have had something on his mind or had a bad day. I wouldn't take it personally at this time.
Amy74 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 I agree with the above...though I know sometimes telling myself not to worry is like telling the tide to stop. All you can do is be your chipper little self and see if it brings him around. Sorry that you're struggling with this.
Author stateofgrace Posted June 5, 2014 Author Posted June 5, 2014 Okay thanks for the advice. I feel like maybe he is pulling back a bit...maybe saying I love you for real kinda freaked him out? The only thing is, I have no problem giving him space, but we have a baseball tournament all weekend so I will literally be with him and his friends for the entire weekend. So I guess just play it cool, don't bring it up, act like nothing happened and let it go? Also, should wait until he says I love you again? Or should I say it. I don't want to scare him off, but I also don't want him to feel like he always has to say it..... I just don't want to screw things up....
scooby-philly Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 I agree with the advice from other folks - don't over-react and don't overthink the situation. The majority of men - note majority, would not know that you are upset by this but if they did, they'd explain why they temporarily withdrew. Speaking for myself only, I know I tend to want things to go "perfectly" - I was raised to always know what to do, always be right, always be strong - so when things don't go according to plan, I feel frustrated and upset with myself. Note, this would have nothing to do with my partner. If he feels the way I do, just talk to him casually about it one night and let him know he doesn't need to be perfect all the time, and that things worked out great despite the issues. It sounds like you really like him, and I'm judging only from your comments, that he really likes you. Don't pull away yourself - it will only give more fuel to any lingering feelings of imperfection he may have over the situation. If I can find it, I will post a link to a great article I read a few weeks ago - I think it really highlights one of the major problems today - the feeling the people have that they need to be perfect or have the perfect life. Let him know you are not looking for perfection, but reality.
Snakechammah Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 Hmm... did you do or say something that could have offended him that night? With my own relationship, our "i love yous" are like fleeting farts, frequent and not as heavy (since we say it all the time) BUT if he offends me during a date, or may have said something that I disagree with, I would unconciously withdraw my usual 'I love you' and pull back on the affections. He notices as well, but as long as we both get over it by the next date, it should be ok. So maybe your boyfriend may have been slightly hurt by a remark or action and held back a little, that night? Hopefully, things will go as normal next time. Don't worry about it. Maybe next time, you can cuddle him, look into his eyes and whisper it seductively yourself!
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