solway86 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 (edited) I am a 28 year old male with Asperger's Syndrome from the United Kingdom. I did have a search on here for other discussions on dating with Asperger's and I found this one from around the same time last year. I have a job I enjoy, small firm, have friends who are co-workers there, it's not like a large firm with loads and loads of co-workers, just a small group of them. I do socialise with them once a week, mainly for drinks; but they tend to be in their late 30s/early 40s/50s and married with children/grandkids. I don't think I'd do workplace dating, as they say about not dipping your pen in the company ink. I do have varied interests; computing, cars, travel, food but am not really that sporting. As for how to meet single women, I do have problems in this area as although I have met women who liked me, they've lived too far away (90 minutes, which is expensive by rail fare) or I've ended up trying more to be like a friend to them. I can't really recognize signs of flirting very well, I suppose I've tried hard to keep friendships going with them. At least I know what I want in a partner; I know I want a long-term relationship, I've done a mental exercise suggested on dating.about.com about whether I have realistic expectations or not, and I seem to. I've decided online dating is too risky, I don't use social media due to its pitfalls (although I do use webmail, which I have a bit more control over, and at least you can send attachments etc. - not something social media has) but I've had a look at at least two ways to try and solve this issue: 1. Asking a friend to introduce me to someone who is single that they know and that likes me (OK, so it's risky, but far less than online dating, at least it's in-person) 2. Singles events / dating nights (but cost does come into play here and do they work?) 3. In-person dating/introduction agencies where they interview you (cost and does it work being issues) - but I haven't researched this as much as the other two. They do seem to get a lot of publicity on TV over here with shows like Dinner Date and The Millionaire Matchmaker (look up Dinner Date ITV on YouTube). I do see attractive women when I'm out and about or going shopping, but aren't good at flirting; I also see them sometimes at a well-known British chain store that sells food, clothing etc. (not naming it here) In terms of the women I like, I suppose I'm open-minded; interracial dating etc. is not an issue for me, if they're black, Indian, etc. it's not as much of an issue - it's rather more whether they're compatible with me, I'm compatible with them, if they have a good personality etc. (I'll avoid using the word nice as it's a bit cliched). Any advice would be much appreciated. Edited June 5, 2014 by solway86
FitChick Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Google Aspergers and/or autistic dating websites. I know I've seen some. You will meet someone who understands and is actively seeking someone like you. 1
gaius Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Don't let aspergers define you. Don't sit there and let whoever diagnosed you tell you nothing can be done about it for 200 bucks an hour. Do what this guy did. Asperger's diagnosis leads man to unlikely connection to Howard Stern - Rock Center with Brian Williams 2
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 I dont think you should worry... dont even think about dating at the moment just use your intelligence to concentrate on the things that interest you and that you are good at (usually better then the rest of us!) and they will come to you x I have a friend who has aspergers when we were younger he was so awkward and I couldnt help but feel for him he was such a sensitive soul but sometimes didnt understand boundaries and was so awkward with women, he even took his driving test, read everything in the book, memorised it and passed first time but couldnt actually get the confidence to take the car off the drive... you can read all you like and take it in, more so than those without aspergers but putting it into practice is usually where they struggle. So although you can learn everything and probably suss the dating game better than anyone it doesnt mean you can easily put it into practice due to the social aspect x You know what my friend is doing now... mixing with the rich and famous and selling his photos to major newspapers... seems pushing the bounderies got him somewhere... he is also now the main photographer for 2 top bands in the UK...guess what... the girls love it x You do what you are good at and you be yourself and you will find the right one x
normal person Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 You shouldn't discount online dating. I don't know what you think is so risky about it. I think the bigger risk (assuming you want to find someone that badly) is not doing it. Without it you're pretty much limiting your prospect pool to coincidence; only friends of friends or people you meet in a chance encounter. With OLD you'll meet a multitude of people you never would have met otherwise.
Targetlock Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 don't let your condition define you, you define you i have a learning condition (dyspraxia which has similarities) myself and I can sympathise with your struggles. but don't let it stop you from enjoying your life
Author solway86 Posted June 9, 2014 Author Posted June 9, 2014 don't let your condition define you, you define you i have a learning condition (dyspraxia which has similarities) myself and I can sympathise with your struggles. but don't let it stop you from enjoying your life I don't let it define me! Anyway, in terms of real-world meeting people, away from online dating, where are good places? I did think about going to concerts run by the local radio stations but the prices for tickets can be fairly high. Sometimes, when I'm out shopping or in the local bar, I do see attractive women but lack the ability to flirt with them - I am not good at flirting, and I definitely don't want to come across as sleazy.
ThaWholigan Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 Anywhere really. Could be at a bookstore or a small gig somewhere. The key is in understanding body language. I am also autistic so I understand your difficulties, although you appear to be as high-functioning - if not more - as me. I wouldn't discount OLD either, I just wouldn't use it as your sole means of getting dates. It's a meat market; men find it difficult to get replies and women find it difficult sorting through mountains of messages that all say variations of "hi" "ur gawjuss" or "I wna lik ur pussy and ass" followed by a dick pic in some cases. But it does come through if you can be engaging enough. Inject some of your personal humor into your messages, and try not to be too clinical (i.e. Hey, I like xyz band too). Expand a little more. As for flirting, don't worry too much about being sleazy. As long as you're not making overtly sexual remarks without screening, you should be fine. A bit of teasing, humor and occasionally be a little risque - but keep it subtle. Sometimes the best pickup line when it comes to girls is simply "hello". If they like the look of you, they will respond favorably. Look into that (i.e. how you look ). Hopefully I was helpful! 1
mrs rubble Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 I don't let it define me! Anyway, in terms of real-world meeting people, away from online dating, where are good places? I did think about going to concerts run by the local radio stations but the prices for tickets can be fairly high. Sometimes, when I'm out shopping or in the local bar, I do see attractive women but lack the ability to flirt with them - I am not good at flirting, and I definitely don't want to come across as sleazy. Join a club or go to night school classes? 1
Leigh 87 Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 I am slightly autistic and I manage to get dates, I always have a guy or two very into me and I have decent friends. It took until age 27 to finally stop doing ANYTHING socially inappropriate. I had some very nasty run ins with my ex boyfriends friends. They were taken aback that I was a it different. When I met him at age 24, I had it had friends up until that stage, bar the odd nice person where we were friends for a few months the but it then fizzled. So I met my ex and I had never really been around people all tthat often in my adult life. I had not had a bf in years. I did and said a few things that were a bit different. They were awful to me; my bf said that he was my guinea pig ... my social guinea pig... the test boyfriend am where I practiced being around his friends, inevitably learnt ffrom my mistakes which very well embarrassed him, and then went on to find the right guy (where by now, I have learnt how to act normal around individuals and groups. If you are highly functioning and self aware enough to know when you say or do anything inappropriate, I can'tsee why you cannot have a very successful relationship. You seem to work, socialize with your peers and have friends. How is getting a partner any different insofar as your "odd tendencies" are concerned? Do you even have any social misadventures? And you're afraid you will do what exactly, with a girl friend?
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