How do I get this girl to leave me alone without being a complete jerk to her?

[Ordinaryday]

Long story short, I have been in contact with a girl, for a few months, that I met through a mutual friend and she is amazing. She is absolutely everything I have ever wanted in a partner, she is just incredible.

 

we started hanging out majorly for a few months and she is going through a rough spot and I sort of became her shoulder to cry on. I majorly fell for her but when I made a move I got told she really cares about me but it isn't in a romantic way, it is more in a 'family bond' kind of way.

 

I told her that I really felt for her and asked her to try and was bluntly shot down, told she only liked me as a friend and nothing but.

 

I told her okay, and then I said I would have to remove myself from her life in order to get over her... she did not take that well. she said she 'needs' me and needs my support and wants to continue to see me on a regular basis... as a friend.

 

she asked me to try and I did but it is killing me... seeing her but not being able to be with her is the worst pain imaginable. I have asked her to leave me alone but she can't take the hint, she keeps messaging me and texting me.

 

I REALLY DON'T WANT to be a jerk to her by telling her to eff off and swearing at her and calling her all sorts of names, in order to get her to leave me alone... but I don't see any other way. Being polite is not working, she is not taking the hint, and while I would much rather part amicably she is making that SO HARD... how do I get her to leave me alone without making her hate me??

 

advice!

[David87]

You can't make her leave you alone with out hurting her feelings. ...

[Elle1975]

Long story short, I have been in contact with a girl, for a few months, that I met through a mutual friend and she is amazing. She is absolutely everything I have ever wanted in a partner, she is just incredible.

 

we started hanging out majorly for a few months and she is going through a rough spot and I sort of became her shoulder to cry on. I majorly fell for her but when I made a move I got told she really cares about me but it isn't in a romantic way, it is more in a 'family bond' kind of way.

 

I told her that I really felt for her and asked her to try and was bluntly shot down, told she only liked me as a friend and nothing but.

 

I told her okay, and then I said I would have to remove myself from her life in order to get over her... she did not take that well. she said she 'needs' me and needs my support and wants to continue to see me on a regular basis... as a friend.

 

she asked me to try and I did but it is killing me... seeing her but not being able to be with her is the worst pain imaginable. I have asked her to leave me alone but she can't take the hint, she keeps messaging me and texting me.

 

I REALLY DON'T WANT to be a jerk to her by telling her to eff off and swearing at her and calling her all sorts of names, in order to get her to leave me alone... but I don't see any other way. Being polite is not working, she is not taking the hint, and while I would much rather part amicably she is making that SO HARD... how do I get her to leave me alone without making her hate me??

 

advice!

 

You say that you met through mutual friends, are you part of a group that meet regularly?

 

If you aren't part of the same group, stick to you guns. I mean you aren't being a jerk, quit thinking like that. I get that she is amazing but maybe a little selfish too if she doesn't prioritize you needs a little and only hers.

 

If you see her all the time, time to change friends for a while, it sucks.

 

Unless you get to the point where you have to be rude because she "follows you around", you've been crystal clear, nothing to add.. just keep your nc up.

[Amy74]

She has no motivation to leave you alone...she is getting exactly what she wants out of this relationship...support for her. She doesn't care what it's doing to you---doesn't care that she is obviously only using you for her needs.

 

So you can call her out for being selfish--in a nice way...which likely won't work...she'll probably just turn it aound on you. "I can't believe you're saying this about me when I really need you right now."

 

You can call her out in mean way--which may work.

 

Or you can just pressure her for a relationship/sex--Haha--

 

In any case--she's set you up to be the jerk...sorry.

[lauri]

So...let me get this straight...She know's you want her and she still wants you to torture yourself and stick around?

 

You are willing to be put into a situation for this girl, which makes you unhappy and hurts you, to make her happy? That is not a good situation to be in at all. How are you going to react once she cuts you out when she has a boyfriend?

 

I cannot stand girls like this. They love the attention and the fact they have guys who like them, but will waste their time and lead them on. I was dealing with a girl "friend" very similar to your situation...eventually one day I just stopped talking to her completely. She would message me saying "What did she do? Did I do something to offend you?"...but she knew. I wasn't happy being her friend and was bending over backwards to try to get her to date me and take it to the next step. She knew I wanted her and she knew that she was wasting my time.

 

But why did she care? She was getting all the attention and she felt amazing about herself, could date other guys and play the field. The minute she found out I was dating another girl, she got so upset and jealous. Go figure, right?

 

The best advice I can give you regarding your situation is you should have people in your life who enhance your life but not make it. This girl does not sound like she is enhancing your life at all. The more you stay around the less of a chance you have of being with her...you're being far too nice. I think you should start focusing your time on girls who are interested in you and stop wasting your time on a girl who only seems to care about herself.

Edited June 5, 2014 by lauri