Koans Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Tell me what do yall make of this. And I posted this for a reason. Dont wanna hear the, "move on" crap. Opinions, advice. Are these telltale signs of a rebound committed by a dumper. BTW it hella sounds like she cheated. But until she admits it, i cant really assume. Im not mad at her for wanting to explore. Im more so mad at her for being self centered and cold. When this whole thing could of been handled maturely. I could of easily email'd her right now with a clearer mind and blame her. I prefer her think she has me. And if I ever hear her crawling back. I refuse to take her back. Pyschologically shes not where I want her to be. Im pretty sure of it. And Im also not trippin on her new relationship. Everything comes to an end. She... - Broke up with me on Feb 28th and their anniversary is March 6th. - Within the two weeks of them being a new couple, she declined the offer to chill with the new guy at his friends house and got drunk instead 3hrs prior to her going into work. - She admitted to keeping pictures with us on the third week. - With my efforts of trying to break up on good terms, on the third week, she replied back through email of a song we use to sing together when opening up the line of communication. - She came at me with her work problems on the 2nd week post break up. I told her to take it to the new guy. - She refused to say "bye" and preferred, "talk you later" on the 2nd month. Then turns around and says, "do you think talk to you later actually means that I will talk to you later?" - On the last call, which was the last day of april, I blamed myself with the blame game she put on me, and later said, "hopefully we can reconnect in the future, and hopefully its not in 24 yrs". She replied back with, "yea...and no 24 yrs is too long". You aint gotta tel me to move on. Its june 5th now. Our anniversary day..wow. But after the emotional wave...NC gives you clarity. The post break up and the way she conducted herself and the decisions she made ruined a lot. Gigs or w/e but same "gigs" symptoms i guess. Broke up out the blue. No real reason other than "i fell out of love", "i need space", "im not moving on". And then after the break up does the complete opposite. Eff gigs, I think everyone should be held accountable for their words and actions. I still dont know the true reason from her mouth of why we broke up till this day. Post break up, her reasoning was my negativity. She collectively ball'd up every argument we had in our 3 yr LDR relationship and made that as an excuse to break up. It's w/e tho.
David87 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 So what exactly do you want? Closure, an explanation from her or what? 1
Emilia Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 She collectively ball'd up every argument we had in our 3 yr LDR relationship and made that as an excuse to break up. It's w/e tho. Whatever people tell you on this site, LDRs aren't proper relationships. They don't last, VERY FEW turn into anything meaningful and become the actual proper thing. Stop chewing yourself up over this. Move on! She doesn't care anymore, you have to move on. 6
David87 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Whatever people tell you on this site, LDRs aren't proper relationships. They don't last, VERY FEW turn into anything meaningful and become the actual proper thing. Stop chewing yourself up over this. Move on! She doesn't care anymore, you have to move on. Well that's what I wanted to say to OP but........Dont wanna hear the, "move on" crap 3
Emilia Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Well that's what I wanted to say to OP but........Dont wanna hear the, "move on" crap Sometimes you have to tell people exactly what they don't want to hear. 1
David87 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 OP ........... MOVE ON ! Please, there's no other option unfortunately ... 2
Raena Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Are you asking if she's in a rebound relationship? Yeah, it sounds like she is but that really isn't your problem is it? That's her problem and the new guys. You know you need to move on... but part of doing that (for me anyways) was to process everything that had happened. All of it. Maybe that's what you are doing to yourself? If it is, just recognize that analyzing everything she says and does has to eventually stop for your own sanity. There are answers you won't ever know. You may never really know why she ended things with you. All you will know is that she did and eventually, the reasons why won't matter. 3
elseaacych Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 (edited) Koans, usually when they leave you, they leave for someone else. Someone else was in the picture. She left you for someone else. That's all you know. Rebounds are used to GET OVER THE LAST RELATIONSHIP. It doesn't matter whether it's a good rebound or not, but whether or not they can move on. Rebounds for dumpers are usually only determined AFTER the relationship has ended. For example: My ex's "rebound" is still going. 5-6 months on. Every passing day makes it less and less the rebound, in my eyes. I think once you pass the "year" mark it's not a rebound. But do you want to wait a year to find out while your ex screws this new person? Answer. No. YOU DO NOT KNOW IF IT IS A REBOUND. Stop analyzing. Someone else was in the picture. She left you for someone else. Is this something you want to tolerate? Do you really care if it's a rebound if you want her back? Should you want her back? No. This is why at this point, only your actions should matter to you. Edited June 5, 2014 by elseaacych 4
dclan Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 (edited) Tell me what do yall make of this. And I posted this for a reason. Dont wanna hear the, "move on" crap. Opinions, advice. Are these telltale signs of a rebound committed by a dumper. BTW it hella sounds like she cheated. But until she admits it, i cant really assume. Im not mad at her for wanting to explore. Im more so mad at her for being self centered and cold. When this whole thing could of been handled maturely. I could of easily email'd her right now with a clearer mind and blame her. I prefer her think she has me. And if I ever hear her crawling back. I refuse to take her back. Pyschologically shes not where I want her to be. Im pretty sure of it. And Im also not trippin on her new relationship. Everything comes to an end. She... - Broke up with me on Feb 28th and their anniversary is March 6th. - Within the two weeks of them being a new couple, she declined the offer to chill with the new guy at his friends house and got drunk instead 3hrs prior to her going into work. - She admitted to keeping pictures with us on the third week. - With my efforts of trying to break up on good terms, on the third week, she replied back through email of a song we use to sing together when opening up the line of communication. - She came at me with her work problems on the 2nd week post break up. I told her to take it to the new guy. - She refused to say "bye" and preferred, "talk you later" on the 2nd month. Then turns around and says, "do you think talk to you later actually means that I will talk to you later?" - On the last call, which was the last day of april, I blamed myself with the blame game she put on me, and later said, "hopefully we can reconnect in the future, and hopefully its not in 24 yrs". She replied back with, "yea...and no 24 yrs is too long". You aint gotta tel me to move on. Its june 5th now. Our anniversary day..wow. But after the emotional wave...NC gives you clarity. The post break up and the way she conducted herself and the decisions she made ruined a lot. Gigs or w/e but same "gigs" symptoms i guess. Broke up out the blue. No real reason other than "i fell out of love", "i need space", "im not moving on". And then after the break up does the complete opposite. Eff gigs, I think everyone should be held accountable for their words and actions. I still dont know the true reason from her mouth of why we broke up till this day. Post break up, her reasoning was my negativity. She collectively ball'd up every argument we had in our 3 yr LDR relationship and made that as an excuse to break up. It's w/e tho. So far, it would seem like a rebound: - She is in a new relationship but still talks to u.... - She tries to trigger memories (the song on the e-mail) You say you were on a LDR? well....that was the reason u 2 broke up. Every argument you guys had...how many of those arguments were about the distance? The truth is that maybe she just got tired of that situation. Honestly, when you are on LDR, and you break up, 99% of the time is the distance issue, and nothing else. It hurts, but at least you can take it in a good way, cause it was not your fault. Its not like you can change your LDR situation, so despite the fact that both of you might have had a lot of chemistry/love/affection/etc, the distance killed the relationship off. (so you at least know that it ended cause it had to end, not because you screwed things up). The proof of this, is the fact that she still "contacts" you. She clearly has feelings for you, however she probably also knows the relationship will fail because of the distance anyways, so she rather stay BU. About her new boyfriend: Yes it hurts a lot, but, at least in my opinion he is clearly a rebound. The thing about rebounds is understanding the psicological aspect of the dumper for filling the void. For example: 1) She is in a LDR = rarely sees her boyfriend 2) She wants to see boyfriend more often = dump boyfriend, get a new one 3) New guy appears in her life and lives close by = hi new boyfriend! Yet she obviously has doubts, and feelings, and stuff concerning her relationship with you (thats why she still contacts you). Rebounds are about filling the void, and in her case, the void she needs to fill is that of a boyfriend that lives close by. THAT is the reason why she is already in a relationship, only a few days after your break up. Because she wants a boyfriend that lives in her new city. Regarding if she cheated....maybe, maybe not. She might not have physicly cheated, but she might have "emotionally". She might have known the guy from before. If she slept with him before breaking up with you, only she knows, and I doubt she'll ever tell u if she did, so you shouldn't think about that, cause all you'll get is questions, and no answers. However, as my personal opinion, when one person usually breaks up with her SO, the first person they usually date is someone from their inmediate social circle (friend, brother of a friend, an ex boyfriend, etc), usually someone they know for a long time. So don't really take it as an insult... Finally ...just some advice, if you can't change the LDR situation, then you shouldn't even bother on trying to get her back. Thats the main problem. Even if you got together, the same problems would arise in no time. PD: even if I said it was a rebound, by no means I m saying she might be breaking up soon....rebounds usually end after a few months, because they start for bad reasons (in this case, cause she NEEDS a boyfriend, not because she WANTS him), and when people realise this they usually end things. But sometimes they last (they fall for each other, they like the new relationship, they simply get along well, etc)...so don't get your hopes up. Maybe she ll marry this new boyfriend. Even if the relationship starts as a rebound, it might turn into something more serious and commited. You never know. Maybe she dated him as a rebound guy, but then realises he is her soulmate....... So the best thing you can do is MOVE ON!!!!!!!! Edited June 5, 2014 by dclan 3
Author Koans Posted June 5, 2014 Author Posted June 5, 2014 Thank you dcclan. Now thats the kind of response I wanted to hear. You elaborated very well.
jbelle6 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Whatever people tell you on this site, LDRs aren't proper relationships. They don't last, VERY FEW turn into anything meaningful and become the actual proper thing. Stop chewing yourself up over this. Move on! She doesn't care anymore, you have to move on. ^^^^^^^^^ I agree with this, the only time I've seen LDRs work is when there were definite plans to become local and the time frame was clear (and even then often not). Indefinite LDRs are doomed. The other stuff you want us to analyze are typical things the dumper says/does to sting along the dumpee who chooses not to go NC. My rebounds have all lasted 2-6 years so you might not want to hold your breath banking on that.
redbaron005 Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 1) She is in a LDR = rarely sees her boyfriend 2) She wants to see boyfriend more often = dump boyfriend, get a new one 3) New guy appears in her life and lives close by = hi new boyfriend! This. Been there man. You'll get through it.
Author Koans Posted June 7, 2014 Author Posted June 7, 2014 Its koo. Kinda glad she freed me. I feel like im good now. When I was hurt yea she was perfect. Had to get that stupid shhhhiiit out my head. Get my heart back. Now I see how immature and insecure she is in the way she broke up with me. And just thinkin about all the red flags in retrospect. Shes the same gurl that got jealous when we went to see a topless Cirque du soleil show. Trippin!. She's still the same emotional person. I really aint tryna take her back. If i had my ways. I dont even mind 5 yrs from now till i even think of the possibility of saying yes. She has to mature and learn her mistakes. I screwed up by taking the guilt off her and blaming myself. But its w/e. She doesnt know how I think now so its ok. Im just kinda excited to hear how this new relationship is gonna end. Her premise of breaking up with me is the arguments we had in the relationship. She basically couldnt find a single reason on the night of the B.U. Then turns around and balls up all the arguments in the history of being together and calls me a negative person after getting with him. Which kinda mind boggles me coz how is the pass arguments even an issue when we moved past it. I know who i am. I know he aint me. And no fool, he aint better than me. If i can pull off a 3 yr LDR. I expect him to go past 3 yrs. He has a more even level playing field. But I know their aint a single young guy who doesnt try to flirt with gurls on the side. So good luck to her in trying to find that peace..love..cheese...skeet..and happiness.
Jiivy Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 Soooo how about some perspective from a guy who made an LDR work for a while...5 years, to be precise! We actually moved in together and lived the majority of the next 2 years together. Let's clock that one up to a whopping 7 years! We got engaged, I visted her parents - got the whole permission thing. We got a ring, had a plan. Yup, she left me. Yup, there was someone else. I guess she gave up on trying through the distance. That said, she moved from one LDR with me to another with someone equally far away. What a ****ing joke. The point is, maybe it is a rebound. Does that make it any better for you? Does that increase the "potential" chance that she comes back to you after it "potentially" fizzles out? - Sure, why not. But IF that happens, and she comes back and try again...Know that for the rest of your life, she'll always be the girl that left you to go **** someone else because she didn't have the stones to make it work.
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