senas33 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 (edited) So, about a month ago I had coffee with a girl that I met from online dating. She is really hard to figure out and it seems like I have to be the one to initiate Contact (texting/calling). Before we met, I wouldn't contact her(I was busy) and she would text me. Ever since we had our date it seems like it is all one sided. She's a teacher and is super busy, so I give her space ect. We are going on date #2 this weekend and she has told me that she's still interested like a week or so ago. I do over think a lot, if you see I posted on here about a year ago. I'm trying To improve and just go with the flow. I know women like to be chased/pursued, but some kind of interest would keep me motivated. She has made comments like "I shouldn't be hesitant with her.. saying that's the only way we will get to know each other". I initiate everything now. During our first date it lasted nearly 2 hours and she wasn't checking her phone. I was the one asking questions mainly. I did that because I wanted to avoid awkward silence. I'm seriously talking myself out of our upcoming date.i just feel that she is being "nice". I haven't texted he since Sunday. Thoughts? Edited June 5, 2014 by senas33 1
jbelle6 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 If she was busy why would she go out just to be nice? I think if she didn't want to go she just wouldn't go. It is end of year so maybe it's crazy for her now but school will be out soon. 1
Assasda Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Sounds like youre not not enjoying her. Dont feel the need to entertain her. You should be comfortable with the silence, if she is. If she is not reciprocating, dont be afraid to let her know. Also, see other women
guest572 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Go ahead on the 2nd date. I agree with others, she wouldn't force herself to go against her will. But just step back a bit and make her do sme of the work. Dont worry, i think many of us overthink things especially in the early dating stage. I have been in similar situations with these "quiet types" and unless the situation improves or you become content with minimal contact, then call it quits cause it wont change! She could also be doing a juggling act dating wise.
PegNosePete Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Go on the 2nd date, send a confirmation text the day before to make sure she's still up for it. Nothing needy, just "looking forward to seeing you tomorrow :)" or something. If you're not feeling the chemistry then don't be afraid to cut it off. I know a lot of guys find it hard to get dates especially on OLD but no need to settle for someone who isn't a good match, just because she agreed to go out with you.
Author senas33 Posted June 5, 2014 Author Posted June 5, 2014 Thanks for the replies. Yea it makes no sense for her to go on the date if she didn't want to. I even told her I don't want to come on too strong it's off putting.. she said "sometimes it can be, but most of the time it's not :)". To me it sounds like she wants me to come on strong. The first date I gave her a side hug when she walked to the table. I'm thinking I should be more touchy? Women are so confusing sometimes. I agree .. she is juggling dates, but since we're just getting into the swing of this I don't have an issue with it.
Author senas33 Posted June 8, 2014 Author Posted June 8, 2014 Well I guess I should of maintained constant contact because now she doesn't respond to my texts. We were supposed to go out tonight, but oh well that's life..my life anyway! For now on I won't do online dating.. I will continue to work on myself and let it happen naturally. 1
jbelle6 Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 Well I guess I should of maintained constant contact because now she doesn't respond to my texts. We were supposed to go out tonight, but oh well that's life..my life anyway! For now on I won't do online dating.. I will continue to work on myself and let it happen naturally. That sucks, I'm sorry to hear that. Not a bad idea to work on yourself and see what happens for a bit anyways, that's what I have been doing as well. Good luck to us both! 1
ffw Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 I have walked that path before. Initially, we had mutual initiation and communication. However, with time, it become just one sided. I kept on trying for few weeks & then gave up. Ironically, she contacted after a year that she still has feelings for us, but till that time I had already checked out. Hope everything works out well maybe in the current/future relationship. GL.
todreaminblue Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 Speaking from the only experience i know which is mine as a woman, if i say to a date don't be hesitant with me I mean that.That means he can tell me honesty anything he wants to, including expressing feelings or concerns or positive affirmations of what he wants from the relationship or early dating.Because simply, if i have told a guy i am dating to be open and honest and not hesitant that is the way i want and need to be also In any dating scenario, i feel it needs to be equal, so concerns don't arise and if you add honesty and equality in respect to communication that alone, avoids feelings of insecurity, or anyone having to deal with that what hinders future dates for both. So be honest with how you feel and don't hesitate to voice your opinions or thoughts on what you want or seek from dating the woman you are dating, taking into consideration her stressful busy job, that is teaching.....i wish you all the best....deb
Author senas33 Posted June 8, 2014 Author Posted June 8, 2014 I think deep down I didn't want to date her.. don't get me wrong.. she is very beautiful, but we were too different I guess. My depression and anxiety don't really help either. Baby steps though! Thanks for your kind replies.
guest572 Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 I don't think it would matter how much or how little you had contacted her. Some people just vanish like that. Get back into it when you are ready but this is unfortunately a very common part of dating sorry to hear it didn't work out but it sounds like you think it was for the best.
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