TryingToFigureItOut Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 So I met this guy over a month ago who is from my hometown but is about to enter his last year in a graduate program on the other side of the country. He is only back in town for a few more weeks before he goes back to school for his last year. We have talked practically every single day since we met and have hung out a few times and we clearly both agree we have a strong connection. We get along extremely well to the point that our friends have called us out on it. Problem is, he does not want to commit. He hasn't had a relationship for years and has hooked up with quite a lot of women. He has told me that he just wants to hook up since he is going back to Boston but does not want me to do it if I "catch feelings" because he doesn't want me to think he is a jerk if we sleep together, I catch feelings, and he returns back to school. In the beginning I was ready and willing to sleep with him because of how much chemistry we had, and he kept rescheduling because apparently he was afraid I would "catch feelings". But since we established that it's not going to turn into anything serious and have set a potential day we will actually hang out on our own, I have pulled back because I'm scared of catching feelings if I do actually sleep with him. And also with him rescheduling it reminded me he is going back to school in a few weeks. Since I have pulled back, he has begun to really push it. When up until last week I kept telling him he was beating around the bush and playing games, he is saying that I am doing it now. I have started to take longer to respond, will call him out when he acts certain ways that I don't like, etc. We always talk in a joking manner, but he is practically begging me to hang out with him. Today I even told him that when he goes back to school I am going to want to maintain a friendship and I jokingly told him that I am friend zoning him now. I told him that we may still hook up but I'm not sure yet. He jokingly said he doesn't think I can handle being friends with him because I'll be hearing about all the girls back at school, and I jokingly told him it works both ways because I'll be meeting guys back home. I have no intentions of wanting to start a long distance relationship for one year and I know he doesn't either. He knows how well we get along and how well we have in common, I guess my only question is am I doing the right thing by turning the table? He is a very attractive and outgoing guy and I would like to be the one girl who is in the back of his head because I never gave him what he (and to be fair me as well) wanted.
leavesonautumn Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Seems like this guy is not ready to commit and he knows it. It's a good thing he is being honest but he also seems to be playing with you a bit. I know it's tough to distance yourself from someone you feel a strong connection with but you might need to do it until you can just be friends . He may also have some issues in regards to not wanting to commit and will need to get through that on his own. If you think it's a good idea to pull away from him a bit then you are certainly entitled to do so... just make sure it's not for the wrong reasons
Assasda Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 I think youre doing the right think. I think that you could also sleep with him and still retain your friendship. Just dont get clingy
Andy_K Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Firstly, it sounds like you've already 'caught feelings'. You want to be that one special girl at the back of his mind, and he's constantly on yours. Secondly, that amazing connection you have? It's not special. He has that with a LOT of girls. That's why he is able to hook up so frequently while he's single. The definition of being good with women, which this guy clearly is, is the ability to trigger those feelings in a girl. How many others do you think slept with him because it felt special and right? What you have isn't any more special than what he's had with a dozen other girls, and won't leave any more of a lasting impression on him. If you want to sleep with him, just do it, and enjoy it. But don't expect that either sleeping with him or not will leave any lasting or significant impression of you in his mind. You're just a number. 1
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