Movingforward2 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 XW and I divorced 6 months ago. Been apart about a year. The last 3 months, we have literally hung out everyday, mostly because of our kid's sports. We have also went to spring break together, and took a memorial day trip. Obviously, all of this with no strings attached. I know we both had a great time, and have been talking and texting most everyday. She was the one who wanted the divorce, I didn't but have worked through it and understand. I of course feel like we could work things out, and some days she feels like it could, but she doesn't want "to try". When the "D" went down, after doing all of the wrong things (which is what we all do), I then went 180 and got moving forward. Then with Xmas, the divorce finalized, and then our kid's stuff, it was like things were "getting back to normal". I have always held out hope we could work things out, and obviously a lot of our mutual friends do as well. We probably have been "too close" the last couple of months and have kept up an intimate relationship the whole time as well. We often joke that we are each other's bad drug. But it's really not a joke, it's very true. The relationship at the end of the marriage was very toxic, but all the chaos and drama has calmed down. Anyone that has ever been in this situation? People joke that we will "never move on" because we continue to see each other, although she won't date me. I know she feels like this as well as we have discussed it. What does it take for an ex-husband who can admit they messed up, leave stuff in the rearview to get things back on track when you can have a great time......is it time? What does a guy have to go through?
Keenly Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 What's to stop her from bailing the second she meets some one new?
Author Movingforward2 Posted June 5, 2014 Author Posted June 5, 2014 There isn't anything stopping her. Same with me. At the end of the day, I've met several women, but I'd rather make it work with my family and kids than to try something else. 2
Mr. Lucky Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 People joke that we will "never move on" because we continue to see each other, although she won't date me. I know she feels like this as well as we have discussed it. I'm totally confused. You hang out together, take trips together and sleep together but you're not "dating" ??? What does that mean and why is the distinction important to her? Mr. Lucky
Author Movingforward2 Posted June 5, 2014 Author Posted June 5, 2014 I don't think she wants it titled "dating".....I guess you are right. From what I gather, she does not want to give me false expectations of putting it back together, and not to deal with the pressure of it either. There is no pressure....we're divorced. I just can't understand why someone who is having a good time, but wants to try something else. It's so distorted and confusing.
Mr. Lucky Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Are you exclusive? And have you had any discussions regarding same? Mr. Lucky
Author Movingforward2 Posted June 5, 2014 Author Posted June 5, 2014 I'm totally confused. You hang out together, take trips together and sleep together but you're not "dating" ??? What does that mean and why is the distinction important to her? Mr. Lucky Are you exclusive? And have you had any discussions regarding same? Mr. Lucky There is no other options on either side. We've discussed it, but she doesn't want any kind of commitment.
Mr. Lucky Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 There is no other options on either side. We've discussed it, but she doesn't want any kind of commitment. Well I'm sure you're a big boy but seems like tremendous potential for hurt. She may just be hanging out with you because it's an easy thing to do and she knows you're hanging, waiting for her call. I'd guess you've done the emotional risk/reward analysis and understand both potential outcomes. How long are you willing to live this way ??? Mr. Lucky
Author Movingforward2 Posted June 5, 2014 Author Posted June 5, 2014 Well I'm sure you're a big boy but seems like tremendous potential for hurt. She may just be hanging out with you because it's an easy thing to do and she knows you're hanging, waiting for her call. I'd guess you've done the emotional risk/reward analysis and understand both potential outcomes. How long are you willing to live this way ??? Mr. Lucky Probably until my oldest starts college next fall. I'm alright with it.
Mr. Lucky Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 I realize the gamble. Then I'm confused as to what feedback can be offered you? You seem set on your course and she seems determined not to commit. It looks to an outsider that she's using you to ease her transition to some new life that won't include you (not even on a "dating" basis ). Not the kindest thing to do to someone that cares about you. I understand what's in it for her. What's in this for you ??? Mr. Lucky 1
Tayla Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 Go outside the fish bowl environment. In a direct manner- Find a new hobby or something that makes you independent. You are a father and always will be, that won't need to change. You are not a spouse, and its hard to give up that title even with a court order. Be a gent and explore life, you deserve to experience life and all the facets of relationships with folks. Sometimes a new group of friends or a group of some sorts can change your desire to be back in the saddle so quick. Particulary with a lady who in essence is giving you double messages... 1
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