whiteknighted Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 I've posted about my breakup many times on here before. My breakup was unexpected (at least the signs that I can now see with hindsight also pointed to my ex partner becoming more depressed and withdrawn from life in general). My ex was very matter of fact about our split: his feelings had changed, he didn't know how long he'd felt like this (but the extent to which they'd changed was a very recent realisation) and that it wasn't fair to carry on. He was off with me for the last 10 days of our relationship with increasing hostility. I'd just started a new chapter of my career that required me to move back to my home town for 3 years and he split up with me 3 months into this move. Four months after the split, I was under the belief that he'd suffered a breakdown and when I discovered evidence of him having created a new dating profile I confronted him about this, because I felt I deserved more of an explanation for our split after 5 years together. The gist of that conversation was that he said I was right: he didn't have the resources to be in a relationship any more, that there was no-one better for him than me, that he was in no way looking for a new relationship and didn't feel like he ever would be again - but if he did, it's me he'd want to be in one with. Four months after that conversation when I decided I need to go full NC with him he told me that he'd never meant to give me any hope that we'd get back together and that he'd meant to add "if I still had feelings for you" to those statements. He also said he felt sad and guilty about the breakup but had no regrets - it was the right thing to do. I also discovered 2 months after this conversation that 10 days before the split, he'd gone on a night out with someone he knew I felt uncomfortable about (a 'friend' who basically wanted to sleep with him behind my back, my ex (with mild aspergers) never saw what my problem was with this person as he knew that he could be trusted). When I confronted him about this knowledge he said nothing untoward happened that night but he felt guilty and knew I'd be upset and that's why he didn't tell me (and started to cry when I unleashed my full anger at him). He's actively been online dating for about 9 months now although I don't think he's met anyone serious (I broke strict NC and snooped on his dating profile). Every now and again, I catch myself being guilty of some very faulty thinking - that everything that has happened between us has happened for a reason, and that this time apart will allow us to see where we went wrong (at least on my part: I've learned so many lessons about what I did wrong over the years) and ultimately we will reunite and be stronger than ever. I know this stems from the conversation we had a few months after the split: it was everything I wanted to hear at the time and it has never left me. In the moment the phonecall ended I remember thinking "he is exactly who I know him to be"; and this horrible monster he's been ever since is exactly the opposite of who I knew him to be. Despite the evidence that he's actively looking for someone else and feels he is capable of being in a relationship again, I just can't get over what he said... it's been a year since that conversation but it still festers away at me. How the hell do I forget about it? Anyone else been through anything similar?
sumathi Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Do you know you are making a mess of your life for a person who does not truly love you? It is no use if he says that he loves you when his actions are otherwise. In relationships it is trust that means more than anything else. It seems to be lacking in your relationship. If your boyfriend does not contact you for such a long time, it is no use for you to keep craving for him. 2
Recommended Posts