orangetree Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 Hello, My post will be a bit longer, but thank you so much for reading it! So my boyfriend broke up with me for the 4th time 8 days ago. He's almost 30, I'm 26. We had been together for two years almost and our relationship was always a roller coaster. Nevertheless, I know he is the one for me, not just because I miss him like crazy now, no, also because I've never met a guy who is so similar to myself and with who I have such a great connection instantly and even after two years (plus passion as well). We also always had the same expectations of the future, getting married and having kids one day. To go back to the start, we met almost two years ago through a mutual friend and fell instantly in love. He had a girlfriend at that time but he broke up with her just days after we met. He told me after a short time that he loves me and I'm the one for him and that he wants to be with me forever. I felt the same, although I was a bit more worried saying it so soon. After just a month of dating he asked me to move in with him, which I did. Today I know it was too soon for that, but we were so much in love and so crazy about each other. He kept telling me all the time that he will always be there for me and that he never met someone like me. I was the first girl he moved in with by the way. Of course I also met his family and friends. The total happiness didn't stay too long, our relationship started being a roller coaster just a month or so later. We were still super happy and all over each other all the time, but something changed. He started to be a bit distant sometimes, until he broke up with me for the first time just 4 months after we started dating, saying that he loves me so much but that he sometimes thinks I don't feel the same about him. And that he also always had girlfriends and that he maybe needs time alone. A week of No Contact (I moved to a friend) and he came back to me, apologising and wanting me back, so we got back together. Everything was great again and he kept telling me how I'm the love of his life and all this. Two months later he broke up again because he went through my Whatsapp and found messages of a guy, thinking I was cheating on him. I have to admit I behaved a bit sneaky at that time, for no reason, because I wasn't seeing that guy or cheating. So he misinterpreted the messages and broke up with me, didn't want to hear my explanations. I moved to a friend again and after a week he started contacting me again. I apologised and he said he would work on his jealousy, that he is just too jealous and loves me too much. Two weeks later we were a couple again and I moved back in. I felt like everything was almost perfect from that point, but for him it apparently wasn't. We even traveled three weeks through Europe and had the time of our life. Also he invited my parents to come to our apartment and stay with us for a week (they live far away). Our relationship kept being full of joy, laughs, talks, passion, being together. He often told me he preferred spending his time with me than with anyone else. And so he did. Then, one day, I had a big argument with my mom and was really sad, letting it out on him for a bit (not being nice to him that day, not talking much). I didn't expect he would overreact so much, but he broke up the next day, saying that he doesn't like my attitude sometimes, that I ignore him for a long time (although he also ignored me and didn't try anything to make it better) and that I don't give a **** about the household (which wasn't true, but I have to admit it could have been better). I was shocked because all of these things he kept to himself the entire time instead of telling me. There are als things I really don't lie about him, like him getting pissed for the smallest reasons, but for me these are minor problems because obviously he isn't like that all the time. Well, this time I thought the break up was definite, he even wrote me a letter saying goodbye and wishing me the best. I moved out to an own apt and we didn't have any contact for a few weeks. That was last summer, a year after we started dating. Then he started contacting me again, very casual. We met up and I could directly see in his face how big his feelings still are. I tried to stay a bit distant, but then he kissed me. We started dating again but he didn't really talk about anything serious, so I did, I asked him where this is going. He said that his feelings for me haven't changed, that I'm still the woman he is absolutely crazy about and that he loves me with every part of his body, but that he doesn't know if it's a good idea to get back together because of all the problems we had. We then talked about the problems and both of us admitted mistakes. We decided to get back together without living together. Our relationship had been better ever since IMO, we fought much less and had only small arguments, IMO arguments every couple has. He wasn't as jealous anymore in the beginning (in a good way) and I took more care of his household (even though I didn't live there anymore- Of course I didn't clean his whole house or so, but since I spent most of my time there like 5 days a week I did as much as I could), I tried to be an even sweeter girlfriend (brought him little gifts sometimes, brushed his hair every evening because he liked it etc.). We were still very much in love, he told me often he loved me and wants to be with me, although he didn't talk as much about the future anymore as he did in the beginning. The small arguments we still had sometimes were usually that he didn't like my tone about something, got pissed about it, I didn't like him getting pissed and that we sometimes ignored each other for a bit, until we were fine again. On the other hand, often I made an effort to straighten things up when we had a little argument (and I mean little- We were never mad at each other for more than a few hours, we never screamed at each other or anything), like asking him about it or telling him that we misunderstood each other. Often he just stayed pissed and didn't really wanna talk about it. Or he said it's ok now, but hold grudges apparently. We traveled a couple of times and had great memories. He even asked me if I wanna travel another month with him through Europe this spring, and so we did. It was amazing and I felt like we had the best time ever. So many laughs, talks, and we connected incredibly well. He was still all the time all over me, kissing me, holding my hand, talking about smaller things in the future (wedding of his friend where he wanted to take me etc.). Then, after the trip, I wanted to talk to him about our future because I felt like he doesn't talk enough about it and I wanted to know if we finally move in together again after almost two years of being a couple. He suddenly became really quiet and said that he doesn't know, that he sometimes thinks our future together couldn't be nice because we're fighting "so much". I was shocked about it because IMO we don't fight much at all. I asked him that if these things bother him so much why he never talks to me about it and tries to find a solution with me (because I always thought it doesn't bother him either, since he is always totally okay again after arguments) . He didn't really know an answer, just said that he thinks we're too similar characters when it comes to arguments, that both of us are too stubborn and ignore each other for too long. I told him that we can work on that, but again he didn't answer. I asked him if he still loves me and he almost laughed, like if that was the most stupid question ever. He said that his feelings haven't changed a bit and that he still loves me like crazy, but that he cannot make it work. Then I asked him if he wants to break up and after a while he said yes, with tears in his eyes. I just left him standing there, went away. Just a day before he still told me that he loves me and talked about the closer future and nothing seemed to be wrong. Probably we still would be together if I didn't start that serious talk (of course, that wouldn't have prevented a breakup in the end probably). We didn't have contact for a whole week, then I told him I wanna go to his apt to pick up my stuff. When I arrived he looked so sad, had tears in his eyes again. I tried to show absolutely no feelings, I was nice to him, talked about random things and didn't cry or scream or bring up the break up again. I just took my things and left. That was yesterday. Since then we have no contact. I don't know what to do now. Do you think this time the breakup is definite? Or will he come back to me after a while of no contact? Of course I wouldn't take him back straight away, but I would be open to talk about things and work on our problems. What do you think? Thanks a lot.
PhillyConnection23 Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 I didn't read your entire post, I'm sorry but the point I want to make doesn't need all the details. This guy broke up with you 4 times.....4! There are people on here pouring out their heart and soul because someone broke up with them once! Anyone that thinks he can end a relationship that many times is taking advantage of you and everything you are as a person. He is not the type of person you want to build a future with or having children with. 9
CarrieT Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 I didn't need to read the entire post, your title says it all. He broke up with you FOUR TIMES. Go No Contact and move on. 10
stillfiguringitallou Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 I've been here, stay NC. This guy is using you to fill a void. He is crying because he is lonley and misses what YOU offered HIM. It doesn't mean it's ever going to work. It doesn't mean he wants to do the work to change things. To make them better overtime and not leave every time he thinks you are about to leave him.
d0nnivain Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 He's almost 30, I'm 26. We had been together for two years almost and our relationship was always a roller coaster. Nevertheless, I know he is the one for me, not just because I miss him like crazy now, no, also because I've never met a guy who is so similar to myself and with who I have such a great connection instantly and even after two years (plus passion as well) I don't know what to do now. Do you think this time the breakup is definite? Or will he come back to me after a while of no contact? Of course I wouldn't take him back straight away, but I would be open to talk about things and work on our problems. What do you think? Mature 30 year old men who are ready for a long term commitment do not move their new GFs in one measly month after meeting & they certainly don't break up the living together relationship 4 times. That's too much drama for 2 short years. People on the make up break up merry go round have communication issues & don't have a good sense of how to balance the ups & downs of a relationship. You mention that you don't like when he gets pissed for the smallest things. This red flag is confirming that he's immature, doesn't handle conflict well & has poor communications skills. All of those factors will doom a marriage. He snooped through your phone last time & accused you of cheating. That tells me he doesn't trust you. How can you think someone who doesn't trust you wants you to be the mother of their kids? Given his past behavior, yeah he'll probably come back but that's not a good thing! You need to think long and hard before you go back to this dysfunctional relationship. Don't wake up after you can't have kids any more & wonder why you are alone. 3
Zahara Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 My post will be a bit longer, but thank you so much for reading it! So my boyfriend broke up with me for the 4th time 8 days ago. He's almost 30, I'm 26. We had been together for two years almost and our relationship was always a roller coaster. Nevertheless, I know he is the one for me, not just because I miss him like crazy now, no, also because I've never met a guy who is so similar to myself and with who I have such a great connection instantly and even after two years (plus passion as well). We also always had the same expectations of the future, getting married and having kids one day. That's a break-up every six months. Great connection but the relationship was always a rollercoaster? That makes no sense. You're confusing volatility for passion. Same expectations for the future -- what future is that when you're breaking up every six months. Having the same expectations doesn't mean you are meant for each other. we met almost two years ago through a mutual friend and fell instantly in love. He had a girlfriend at that time but he broke up with her just days after we met. He told me after a short time that he loves me and I'm the one for him and that he wants to be with me forever. Fell in love instantly = infatuation and lust. So, before he could even end it with his gf he was onto you and so soon talking about wanting to be with you forever after he only met you for a few days? Red flags. After just a month of dating he asked me to move in with him, which I did. Mistake. I know it was too soon for that, but we were so much in love and so crazy about each other. He kept telling me all the time that he will always be there for me and that he never met someone like me. I was the first girl he moved in with by the way. It's called the honeymoon period. The total happiness didn't stay too long, our relationship started being a roller coaster just a month or so later. We were still super happy and all over each other all the time, but something changed. He started to be a bit distant sometimes, until he broke up with me for the first time just 4 months after we started dating, Honeymoon period is over. saying that he loves me so much but that he sometimes thinks I don't feel the same about him. Gaslighting. Putting the demise of the relationship on your shoulders because he's too afraid to take responsibility for ending it. I have a feeling the rest of your post is a lot of fault finding and blaming. This is an unhealthy relationship with no stable foundation. Even if he came back to you, you'd be facing breakup #5. 8
H245 Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 I can relate to what you are going through. My ex gf left me 3 out of the 4 times we were together over one year. The last breakup was 2 weeks ago done by her. We also had a roller coaster relationship as you did and she would become very distant a few weeks after getting back together. Because of that I became very insecure and would become overbearing, constantly trying to get her attention or feel validated in our relationship. For my situation, my 4th breakup is the final one. She is already on dating sites looking for men for serious relationship. It hurts like hell to know that, but I know in time I will get better for me since this was a woman who never gave 100% into the relationship with me. This is an unhealthy relationship with no stable foundation. Even if he came back to you, you'd be facing breakup #5. This is very true. I'm very positive that if my ex ever decided to get back with me again, it would be inevitable that another breakup would happen. She doesn't want to work at it or make compromises. She wants it easy. You seem to suffer the same thing I did. Not enough time apart and jumping back into a relationship where nothing between either of you had changed. As hard as it is to hear, it looks like you two will never be on the same page ever again. This is something I am really struggling with myself. Feel free to read my threads I created in the past if you wanna read more about my own situation. ~H
Author orangetree Posted June 4, 2014 Author Posted June 4, 2014 Thank you for your answers so far. What I cannot get out of my head is if I could have done something different or not. I'm not perfect, but who is? Yes, sometimes he told me something and I reacted annoyed sometimes when he talked to me like my father. Or when I'm sad I sometimes start crying (which is weak, I know) or don't wanna talk about random things (I don't want to talk at all or I wanna talk about the issue). But then, he as well has his weaknesses. Example- We're in bed, he presses his cold feet on my legs and I scream in surprise and tell him to please stop. He laughs and does it again and this time I tell him a bit more desperate to stop, but not in a mean way. From a second to another he gets really pissed, says he hates the tone I'm talking in and that I get "really mad", which I was not at all. Then he doesn't talk to my for the rest of the night, also not when I tried to explain him that it was miscommunication. The same happened when he once farted in a really small hotel room and it smelled a lot. I told him to please open the window and he didn't do it, just laughed and said it's too cold outside. I told him it smells a lot and he should open it (not in a mean tone or anything, just in a normal serious tone). He got really pissed ad didn't talk for the rest of the night. Now I also think maybe I was too nice to him and did too much for him, although he would never admit that of course. Like I often brought him small gifts, for example I brought him a chocolate easter bunny for eastern from my home town, while he didn't give me anything (which is no problem for me, I just wanted to see him happy). Or I brushed his hair every night, put cream in his face, in the mornings I used to wake him up with kisses and hugs and I even stayed with him and his family for Xmas and NYE, although that meant I wouldn't be with my own family.
stillfiguringitallou Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 Honey I've said this once on your thread. Go NC - find a rebound that KNOWS they are a rebound if you need to. DO NOT go back to this guy. Your relationship sounds so much like mine. Mine ended with him walking out four day after we lost a child he claimed to want - cancelling the application for the home we were supposed to move into - and blocking me from all contact after telling me "I am not responsible for your happiness, you need to find someone else to help you through this grief right now, maybe sometime in the future when you are not so needy." we lost our baby FOUR DAYS before that. I wasn't even out from under doctor's care yet lol so please. don't go back. You are devastated now ... I understand. Don't let it get so far that you're shoved down a dark rabbit hole during one of the most traumatic things you can go through (death of a family member - child etc) using every last ounce of energy you have to claw your way out. Please - go NC
Author orangetree Posted June 5, 2014 Author Posted June 5, 2014 Wow, I cannot believe anyone would ever do that, leaving you after just losing a baby. When did that happen? And did he come crawling back to you yet? I'm already NC and I'm not going to contact him ever again unless he does. And even then I know it's probably better to not take him back.
stillfiguringitallou Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Yes - we have had a few brief contacts. All of which he was bitter and angry with ME for confronting him about leaving me afterwards ... and ... about the fact that he got flirty flirty with my best friend the DAY after because she was "fun like V used to be" So - it's my fault we can't "work things out this time" if I had only been "patient and understanding" of HIS NEED for space. if I hadn't "let my outrageous jealousy turn a "friendly flirt when he was depressed and lonely and I wouldn't be there for him" into something more than it was" then we could work things out. What he doesn't know is he fundamentally broke out relationship that day - and doesn't seem to realize that I have not ONCE EVER asked for him to come back if he can't take responsibility for his own actions - and have actually said exactly the opposite. Truth is - he DOES know that - he's just trying to manipulate me because he has lost control of the relationship this time. This happened 5 weeks ago today. I have purposely had very little contact with him and only when it's necessary. Do I love him Yep Is it hard to stick to my choice - Yes, yes it is ... I thought I was spending the rest of my life and having a child with this man just 5 weeks ago and now I feel like I didn't know him at all. But ya know what - it's getting easier. You know what else ... you're guy will be back. As soon as whatever is holding his attention loses it - thats how it works in these situations. Please - think twice before you consider it. My guy cried too - everytime he apologized for not being what I deserved (something I never said) And when we first found out our child had passed. He cried a lot with me. But... the last we spoke. He was a stranger .... and part of me hopes he always remains just that. Truth - I couldn't believe he had done it when he did. I was floored. It wasn't who I believed him to be. Just please - guard your heart - runners have a tendency to not do that for you 1
Author orangetree Posted June 5, 2014 Author Posted June 5, 2014 Well I think it's great how you're coping with this and how you don't get weak like thousands of others who would probably beg him to come back only because they think they don't deserve better. Yes, I'm wondering if he comes back or not. I still love him so much that every morning when I wake up I feel incredibly lonely without him. He says he loves me so much and that the break up doesn't have to do anything with his feelings about me. And I mean I can see in his face he loves me. But how can he hurt me so many times, leave me so many times and choose a life without me if he loves me as much as he says? That doesn't get into my head. I never would have left him for the things I don't like about him because the happiness I had with him was much bigger.
Author orangetree Posted June 5, 2014 Author Posted June 5, 2014 What I also don't get is why he wanted to do this one month Europe trip with me when he actually wants to break up (one day after we returned he broke up). HE was the one who asked me to come with him and this month is the only holiday he has the whole year, so he just could have traveled alone or with a friend. And he always stressed out how much he's looking forward to our trip together and during the trip always told me how much he enjoys traveling with me.
leavesonautumn Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 I relate to this so much it's not even funny. I was dumped by the same guy 8 times over 5 years and never even considered dating someone else. For your sanity, PLEASE do not get back with him, he WILL contact you again. I know how hard it is and I ignored everyone's advice as well. We even lived together for a very brief time. Sometimes I think we focus on the really intense intimate "good moments" and crave it so much that we forget about anything bad. I do believe that some type of love and connection does exist in these types of relationships but we're just not compatible with those people. These people are toxic for us and they somehow know when we are almost at that point of moving on... 1
stillfiguringitallou Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 What I also don't get is why he wanted to do this one month Europe trip with me when he actually wants to break up (one day after we returned he broke up). HE was the one who asked me to come with him and this month is the only holiday he has the whole year, so he just could have traveled alone or with a friend. And he always stressed out how much he's looking forward to our trip together and during the trip always told me how much he enjoys traveling with me. My ex planned, paid for, and begged me to go (to the point of getting my doctor's clearance) on a vacation to CO the week before we found out the baby passed. Our situation is complicated at best. 2 days before we split he told me he wanted to try again when I was 100% healed. I think he just never knew what he wanted.
Elle1975 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 He met you while he was in a relationship, broke it off with her. Then he'd break things off with you, I suspect to be with someone else. Who knows? That'd be enough for me not to trust him anyway. Not sure why you want to go back to that, other than the "I love him" which is clearly not enough. 1
Zahara Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 (edited) Yes, I'm wondering if he comes back or not. I still love him so much that every morning when I wake up I feel incredibly lonely without him. And that is normal but it doesn't justify going back to it again. He says he loves me so much and that the break up doesn't have to do anything with his feelings about me. And I mean I can see in his face he loves me. But how can he hurt me so many times, leave me so many times and choose a life without me if he loves me as much as he says? Love is relative. Projecting the way you feel love and the depth of what it feels like to love someone very much is different from how he's feeling it. His needs and wants vary from yours. Aside from that, someone can tell you all sorts of things but does it actually mean anything when action does not match the words? He said he wanted you forever in his life -- did that ring true. No. What he says and what he does are two different things. Believe action, not words. How can he hurt you, leave you so many times? It is because the priority is his feelings and his wants/needs. How you feel and how this affects you is secondary because the primary objective is to fulfill himself. That doesn't get into my head. I never would have left him for the things I don't like about him because the happiness I had with him was much bigger. Don't project. Not everyone is going to feel the same way you do. What I also don't get is why he wanted to do this one month Europe trip with me when he actually wants to break up (one day after we returned he broke up). He did it because you are there for him -- comfort, companionship, sex, fun, someone to hang out with, someone he has some level of emotions for, etc. He wasn't thinking about the breaking up but more so who and what he needed and wanted to make the trip a success for him. HE was the one who asked me to come with him and this month is the only holiday he has the whole year, so he just could have traveled alone or with a friend. Why would he travel alone when he can have you to have fun with? Why would he travel with a friend when he can have sex, cuddle, play fun couple, etc. And he always stressed out how much he's looking forward to our trip together and during the trip always told me how much he enjoys traveling with me. Bingo. Enjoying traveling with you, just means that. He's probaby enjoying those moments without having it be anything more than just that. You're the one that is looking too deep into it. Edited June 5, 2014 by Zahara 1
Author orangetree Posted June 5, 2014 Author Posted June 5, 2014 He met you while he was in a relationship, broke it off with her. Then he'd break things off with you, I suspect to be with someone else. Who knows? That'd be enough for me not to trust him anyway. As many bad things as I now think of him, I highly doubt he met someone else. First of all, he's not the type who goes out and meets other girls (he doesn't go to bars and clubs). Second, we spent all of our free time together so meeting someone else is almost impossible. Third, he never had a problem with me using his phone and computer, not even me using his Whatsapp or email account. I never snooped around or so, but before I had a Smartphone myself I sometimes used his Whatsapp, also during our trip a month ago when I didn't have a phone. If he had something to hide I don't think he would be so open with it. But I know, of course you never know. Still I highly doubt it.
leavesonautumn Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Yes, I'm wondering if he comes back or not. I still love him so much that every morning when I wake up I feel incredibly lonely without him. He says he loves me so much and that the break up doesn't have to do anything with his feelings about me. And I mean I can see in his face he loves me. But how can he hurt me so many times, leave me so many times and choose a life without me if he loves me as much as he says? That doesn't get into my head. I never would have left him for the things I don't like about him because the happiness I had with him was much bigger. The worst part about feeling like this is when you DO express it to the other person once you're back together, they say things like "I was lonely too! I was depressed too! I was always worrying and wondering about you! You would pop into my head a million times a day and I pushed it away!" or my favorite was "You're the forever flame in my heart!". It's extremely confusing but it's important to remember that "normal" (who's normal anyway ) relationships are not like this. We've heard stories about people who have broken up once and managed to sort through their problems. This is entirely different. It's a cycle that has been started that will be near impossible to break out of. We are addicted to the highs and lows. Just know that you're not alone, seems like a bunch of us are in the same boat. Also, just from browsing generally... seems like men are in the majority for the person who initiates the break up/getting back together. Wonder why? 1
umirano Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 I don't know what to do now. Do you think this time the breakup is definite? Or will he come back to me after a while of no contact? Of course I wouldn't take him back straight away, but I would be open to talk about things and work on our problems. What do you think? Hi orangetree, Your story reminds me a lot of my own most recent RS. I'm the guy though and we were long distance except for the extended visits. I was also suspecting her of cheating at one time, she did act shady on many more occasions. Age difference is bigger, I'm 28, she's 21. It took me some time to figure out that she didn't act shady because she actually did hide something. Sometimes it would be out of her own insecurity, sometimes it would be because she just didn't know how to act decently (and she'd later be surprised to learn that I even got upset). So we also broke up a couple of times over almost 3 years. Unlike your ex I didn't break up with her over a general feeling it's not going to work. I broke up with her because she started disappearing again and we already agreed that this cannot happen again when we fought over this the first time. Then for about 6 months there were no issues related to disappearing and when it started again this spring I pulled the trigger, only to forgive her about a week later, and then she broke up with me after a few days, saying she only wants to get back with me once she solved her problems (insecurities, education, where to live, what to do). I wasn't upset about this, I was actually glad she had the strength to do this and to see clearly like this. So I didn't fight the break up. So now we're low contact, she messages me every couple of weeks and up until now I reply. I also want to get back with her, but like you I have my reservations, and I have no clue on how to go about this. I'm going against the majority here, saying that you should not completely write him off. Keeping no contact is the right thing. If your case is in any way similar to mine, I think you will have to have a really deep conversation about what the root cause of your problems is. If it's his insecurities, or your lack of motivation to contribute to a common household, or whatever you guys mutually find to be at the root of these problems, you will need to identify them, and agree on a strategy how to solve them. If he loves you like I love my ex, and if you love your ex like I suppose my ex loves me, it would just be a damn shame not to try. Another similarity that struck me was his tendency to be angered easily. I wouldn't describe myself that way, but I'm sure my ex has a different take on this. I guess in your RS there's also a more conservative and a more free spirited person, and I'm pretty sure he's the more conservative, reserved type. I have struggled with this often. I have no good strategy how to overcome this fundamental difference. I'm not against anything in particular she does or says, I just view the world differently, and was not trying to reform her, nor was she trying to reform me, yet we ended up having disagreements on small issues that could be traced back to conservative traits vs free spirit traits (have to be on time vs being late, buying the ticket for public transportation vs free riding, drug use, taste in music to some degree, etc.) As are both rather hard headed those arguments were fought with verve, usually not in a nasty way though. I don't have a silver bullet for you to solve your problem. I guess I just wanted to express that you're not alone in a situation that you really feel you belong with your ex but it seems very difficult for some reason and very unclear as to why exactly it's not working. Definitively I would not suggest giving up hope. I am pretty sure he's milling similar thoughts and wrecking his brain over what to do and how to get back with the love of his life. I also left my ex ex the day after I returned from meeting the ex for the first time... Hope to hear from you, take good care umirano
noww Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 My ex broke up with me 5 times. It's been 6 months since the final one and I am SO glad.
Author orangetree Posted June 7, 2014 Author Posted June 7, 2014 Thank you. It's so damn hard. I'm trying to be as busy as possible, but my thoughts always go back to him and what he might be doing now. It has been 4 days now since I saw him the last time (when I picked up my stuff at is apartment) and 4 days of NC (or 11 days of NC if you don't take into account that I had to text him that one day to get my stuff back). I wonder if he will ever wake up missing me as much as I do and if we will ever try to get me back.
noww Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 Thank you. It's so damn hard. I'm trying to be as busy as possible, but my thoughts always go back to him and what he might be doing now. It has been 4 days now since I saw him the last time (when I picked up my stuff at is apartment) and 4 days of NC (or 11 days of NC if you don't take into account that I had to text him that one day to get my stuff back). I wonder if he will ever wake up missing me as much as I do and if we will ever try to get me back. Time WILL heal. Just take it slowly, one day at a time. Also, time gives perspective. In my experience, at first I was so lost and would've done anything to get back together for the 6th (!) time, but as time passes, I have come to realise that this was for the best. Also, when you have healed, don't be afraid to give other people a chance as well. They might surprise you. Take care and best of luck to you!
Author orangetree Posted June 9, 2014 Author Posted June 9, 2014 I just have to post again- We've been in NC for 12 days now (or 5 days, if you take into account that I texted him on Tuesday to pick up my stuff at his apt and went the same day to pick it up) and I feel like it's not getting better at all, I feel like I miss him just more and more. I think all the time about him and what he might be doing and why he doesn't contact me. I wish it got better already. My best friend told me yesterday that I should start seeing other guys. I shouldn't start a new relationship of course, but she says that dating new guys helped her so much to get over her break up. I don't know if I should. On the other hand who knows, maybe he's already seeing someone else as well. What do you think about dating someone else just weeks after a break up?
Elle1975 Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 (edited) The bottom line is that love shouldn't be that f'ing hard. Life makes it hard enough as it is. You wouldn't be wondering about the how and why if he loved you. So the real question is "how do I move on?". Make a plan. Not a pity party with the girlfriends, but a real plan. Most people go to the ggm, as it helps you look good and most importantly it helps you feel good. I myself developed new habits, or renewed old ones, such as painting my nails (yeah I know.. well, it works for me). You simply have to put strategies in place in order to move on. Soon you'll be with someone else.:-) Ps: and no about the dating. You're not ready. If it happens naturally, fine, but don't push it. Edited June 9, 2014 by Elle1975 1
Recommended Posts