JMSJ07142012 Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 When I met my ex, he was 23 yrs old and had been clean of heroin for a few months after 2 year addiction. At that time, my knowledge of addiction was limited to cigarettes. In 2010, I was prescribed Percocet for migraines and it almost turned into an addition but I was able to catch myself. When I confessed to my ex on my own, he flipped out saying if it ever happened again, we'd be over. In Jan 2013, I was prescribed oxycodone but this time got hooked. Neither of us are druggies. My ex came from a wealthy family, had daddy issues and rebelled for a bit and is now a successful co-business owner. I came from a broken family, determined to change the cycle and also have a successful career. After the first year of our relationship, it became rocky. He was very controlling and judgmental. He would blame me for not cleaning enough so I would clean more. Then he would say I wasn't doing enough laundry so I started doing laundry more. Then he would say I wasn't brushing the cats enough... there was always something and I could never make him happy. We started going to couples counseling in Sept 2012. In Oct 2012, I found out I was pregnant. Ironically, our relationship got better and we got engaged. It was until a few months after our son was born, did it go back to the way it had been. January 2013 is when I started abusing prescription pain killers. In June on one Monday, he asked me to take a drug test. I of course flipped out. I said I would take his drug test and pass but I had had enough and wanted to break up. Of course I knew the break up would avoid the drug test. He didn't beg me to stay but I had to say some pretty awful things for him to realize it was over. December, I realized what I thought was an innocent way to feel happy, was becoming a problem. I was no longer happy, I was broke and getting so depressed that I started having suicidal thoughts. I felt like I was my mother and I did not want to do that to my son so I signed myself into rehab. I told everyone it was because of depression. In rehab, they called child protective services so my secret was out. My ex was not pleased but sympathetic. I was on FMLA so he let me stay there for a week to make sure I stayed on track. We agreed it was best for our son to stay with him until I found a new place to live (I decided to give up my apartment and live in my grandmother's empty summer home 90 min away). He would let me stay during the week and on the weekends. We became close again and eventually started having "relations". After I moved into my new place, I asked if we should try again. He was hesitant but eventually said we could take things slowly and see where it went. It went well for a few months until he started getting mad at me for stupid things again. One Saturday night, I got a text from a coworker and his wife. They party and always used to text me and we'd have some funny banter. Since I've been sober, they've texted me maybe twice, both of which I ignored. I never thought to address it because A. I don't like confrontation and B. It was harmless. Well my ex freaked out. Now he is saying he needs some space to figure out if we should continue trying. I'm at a loss. For the last 6 months, I thought my addiction had broke us up but now I am wondering if I was using it as a tool to cope with him. If he judges every single thing I do and picks me apart, why do I want to be with him? I don't know if my "love" for him is wanting someone and something safe, or if it's because he is the father to my son or if I truly do love him and we could work things out. I won't know until this weekend what he will decide but I'm 90% sure he will want to discontinue trying to rebuild our relationship. All weekend I was a mess. Sleeping in, crying, etc. Now I'm wondering if I should just be the one to tell HIM it's not going to work. I just don't know. I'm not even sure why I am posting this. Maybe for advice, thoughts, flames, whatever. Or maybe I just needed to write it out. If you've made it this far, thanks for reading. PS. Why can't our titles contains words asking for advice? Isn't that what this forum is about?!?!
Amy74 Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 In the process of breaking up from a man who always nit-picks. It's never ending... Which isn't to say that he doesn't do or say nice things sometimes. But I can't be in a relationship where I am always walking on egg-shells and never feel good enough. My man should make me feel like a queen...and you deserve the same.
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