sillybint Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 Hey y'all. Just wanted to ask some opinions about my situation. I've tried talking to my best friend about my situation, but she doesn't quite understand how it feels to love someone deeply (she's had one relationship and didn't really love the guy) so she's very black and white about how she thinks it's going to end up. I'm not sure... so here goes... I was with my first boyfriend for a year but he ended it for a few reasons (I became clinically depressed and he didn't know how to deal with it, and his career was taking off and taking him all over the world). It's taken me nearly 4 years of spiritual growth to move on from this and look to the future. However, I've always struggled with the notion of being with anyone else. I would've married him - the connection I had with him was unlike anything I could've imagined and I never knew I was capable of loving someone SO much. I threw myself into several career options in the years since. He's been living abroad for a couple of years now and our contact has been sporadic since we broke up (After the initial year of NC straight after our break up, he wrote me and apologised for his behaviour; I made the decision to forgive him and try and be friends, but have had to go through periods of NC which he understood totally). It turns out, his job is not only bringing him back to our country, but to MY home town which has totally turned my life (or heart!) upside down. He was at my local watering hole recently, and of course, like a moth to a flame, I had to see him. We had a brief chat (and I purposely didn't hang around him that night) but I ended up kissing another guy that night, who I have been dating regularly since. So, I'm dating this new guy, and chatting to my ex online every now and then - and our chats always end up quite explicit. It's just so natural between us and I can't stop wanting to be with him - sexual chemistry was never an issue! I honestly don't know what to do. I've tried to get over him for so long, trying to tell myself there are other guys out there, but I've always deep down felt like he's 'the one'. My best friend's really against it all and says I'm going to get really hurt again and while I agree, it is a definate possibility, I'm powerless to stop the 'what ifs'. Me and the ex have said how we'd both love to sleep with each other, but know that our emotions/feelings would get in the way; I get the sense that he's not in the right place for someone like me (I'm intense, all or nothing) which I totally get. So what do I do? I'm so confused. I really like the guy I'm dating - he's lovely but is looking for a relationship and at this moment in time (with my ex being so topical) I feel like I'm not being fair on him because all the while I'm pining for my ex. What would you do? (I'm a newbie, so thanks for reading and if you do reply, thank you in advance!)
jphcbpa Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 You should end it with the guy you are seeing if you are not over your ex. Either that or cut off your ex and proceed with the new guy. One or the other. Secondly, DO NOT sleep with your ex until he offers you a committed R. That could take some time. He needs to chase you.
Author sillybint Posted June 4, 2014 Author Posted June 4, 2014 That's exactly what my brain is telling me. I respect the hell outta the guy I'm dating. He's so lovely, he deserves someone who will give him all of themselves; my heart still belongs to someone else. I think I know what I have to do with regards to that bit. I think I'm better off single right now and IF by some miracle the ex does mention trying again (seriously) then I'd be free to make that decision without hurting anyone else in the process. I'm aware I might be waiting a long time for just a 'possibility' but I've been this way for nearly 4 years... I'm used to it now.
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