Marko1987 Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 So here is the story, my girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years. At the time she just separated from her verbally and emotionally abusive spouse. We fell in love and started a relationship, I would see her everyday and eventually after a few months I moved in with her at her new place. Since then I have had financial struggles and so has she. Her Ex is still bugging her trying to get child support, manipulating the kids, she works full-time, has loads of stress and and the same time has to keep going to work and live everyday with alot of stress. I have always been happy and did my share, buying her clothes, shopping, a car, spotanious things, you name it I did it for her. In the bedroom, I have more than satisdied her and we really love each other. But, we have fought and I have said alot of mean things and hurt her feelings, threating to kill myself, smashing chairs, breaking things etc. She has also yelled at me, insulted me and we have had alot of arguements. Since the past 2-3 months she has been going to counselling, and also has been getting cold with me. She has also been going to court, dealing with Childrens Aid Society and going through hell all at the same, and my stupid attitude I argued and fought with her and told her Im leaving and Im gonna kill myself etc too many times, then we make up and we move on. Recently she has gotten colder with me, and has asked me to leave so she can have time to heal and think. I argued this too and she let me stay, after 2 or 3 times of talking about this. Then Finally she had enough, asked me to leave, I made a big scene and fought and left, she said no more chances, I need space etc. This was last week. I sent her bad txt messages also saying she broke my heart etc , but then next day I apologized. She would respond to my text messages. I called her a million times but nothing. So i went over to her place and rang the bell over and over and finally I sneaked in the window, she was very angry, I talked and explained myself, I even bought a ring and proposed to her. She told me all that was on her mind, all the stress from her last marriage, all the stress I gave her and that I really broke her heart and she need time etc, so after I hugged her and cryed like a baby and kissed her, she said keep the ring until Im ready I will let you know, she said she needs time, couple of months maybe. So I decided to go fix myself, I applied for a better job, have 2 job offers, changed my attitude, appreciate her so much more now and I txt her a bunch of stuff saying that I have changed let me prove it, I will make it up to you I love you etc. she never responded, So I called a million times butr no answer, I went over to her place, knocked and rang no answer, i got the neighbour to call her and told her Im here I just want to see her, I miss her to death, I love her, I have changed, please give me a chance, I have a ring and want to marry her, she said no again, and then I made a stupid comment, said either come and take me back, forgive and take my ring or end it, dont play with my heart, she said its over, she doesnt want this relationship, then I stupidly said let me come grab rest of my stuff, she said come back tomorrow, I said no right now, so me and the neighbour went over to my girlfriends place, my girlfriend said ok grab your stuff then, I again proposed to her on my knees, begged her, even cried, she said no, I told you I need space, I was just starting to heal and you bother me again by calling and txting, I told you to leave me alone, you have no respect, then she went through it all over again, she said she needs time to heal, shes been through alot, when she is ready she will call me, I told her keep the ring she said no, you keep it until I am ready and I will call you. I said how much time do you need, she said I dont know a couple of months at least, then I said are we still together at least? she said for now, this relationship is and to grab all my stuff, until she has time heal and collect herself and see if she want to be in a relationship or not, and then when she is ready she will call me, then she said also that she would need to pick out the ring anyway not me, then she said take your stuff, I said its okay keep my stuff here I dont need them, she said no and got upset that just before that I had said ok I want my stuff, so she said take them , It might be a long time, maybe 2 years, then I said no please, she said take your clothes at least, I said ok, I asked her for a hug and kiss, she wouldnt until I asked a few times, she then came over and I hugged her and kissed her, then I left. I have been heartbroken since, I havent slept, I cant eat, I cant breath properly, I just dont want to live without her!!! Do you think If I give her time, maybe in a few weeks or a month she might call me? I know she loves me, I love her to death, it was actually her who first asked me out and jumped on me and cried and save she loves me. Is there still a chance? Will she take me back? Should I just go kill myself?
PegNosePete Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 Do you think If I give her time, maybe in a few weeks or a month she might call me? I know she loves me, I love her to death, it was actually her who first asked me out and jumped on me and cried and save she loves me. No. I think she has told you many, many times that she doesn't want to be with you, and you have badgered, harassed and stalked her so much that she would have to be totally insane to ever call you again. I think she was trying her best to get you out of her life, saying whatever it took to get you off her lawn and to stop sneaking into her windows FFS. I think if you do that again she will call the police on you. Sorry dude... she said no... it means NO. Should I just go kill myself? This seems to be a recurring theme in your post. You should seek professional help. 3
somecamel Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 So here is the story, my girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years. At the time she just separated from her verbally and emotionally abusive spouse. We fell in love and started a relationship, I would see her everyday and eventually after a few months I moved in with her at her new place. Since then I have had financial struggles and so has she. Her Ex is still bugging her trying to get child support, manipulating the kids, she works full-time, has loads of stress and and the same time has to keep going to work and live everyday with alot of stress. I have always been happy and did my share, buying her clothes, shopping, a car, spotanious things, you name it I did it for her. In the bedroom, I have more than satisdied her and we really love each other. But, we have fought and I have said alot of mean things and hurt her feelings, threating to kill myself, smashing chairs, breaking things etc. She has also yelled at me, insulted me and we have had alot of arguements. Since the past 2-3 months she has been going to counselling, and also has been getting cold with me. She has also been going to court, dealing with Childrens Aid Society and going through hell all at the same, and my stupid attitude I argued and fought with her and told her Im leaving and Im gonna kill myself etc too many times, then we make up and we move on. Recently she has gotten colder with me, and has asked me to leave so she can have time to heal and think. I argued this too and she let me stay, after 2 or 3 times of talking about this. Then Finally she had enough, asked me to leave, I made a big scene and fought and left, she said no more chances, I need space etc. This was last week. I sent her bad txt messages also saying she broke my heart etc , but then next day I apologized. She would respond to my text messages. I called her a million times but nothing. So i went over to her place and rang the bell over and over and finally I sneaked in the window, she was very angry, I talked and explained myself, I even bought a ring and proposed to her. She told me all that was on her mind, all the stress from her last marriage, all the stress I gave her and that I really broke her heart and she need time etc, so after I hugged her and cryed like a baby and kissed her, she said keep the ring until Im ready I will let you know, she said she needs time, couple of months maybe. So I decided to go fix myself, I applied for a better job, have 2 job offers, changed my attitude, appreciate her so much more now and I txt her a bunch of stuff saying that I have changed let me prove it, I will make it up to you I love you etc. she never responded, So I called a million times butr no answer, I went over to her place, knocked and rang no answer, i got the neighbour to call her and told her Im here I just want to see her, I miss her to death, I love her, I have changed, please give me a chance, I have a ring and want to marry her, she said no again, and then I made a stupid comment, said either come and take me back, forgive and take my ring or end it, dont play with my heart, she said its over, she doesnt want this relationship, then I stupidly said let me come grab rest of my stuff, she said come back tomorrow, I said no right now, so me and the neighbour went over to my girlfriends place, my girlfriend said ok grab your stuff then, I again proposed to her on my knees, begged her, even cried, she said no, I told you I need space, I was just starting to heal and you bother me again by calling and txting, I told you to leave me alone, you have no respect, then she went through it all over again, she said she needs time to heal, shes been through alot, when she is ready she will call me, I told her keep the ring she said no, you keep it until I am ready and I will call you. I said how much time do you need, she said I dont know a couple of months at least, then I said are we still together at least? she said for now, this relationship is and to grab all my stuff, until she has time heal and collect herself and see if she want to be in a relationship or not, and then when she is ready she will call me, then she said also that she would need to pick out the ring anyway not me, then she said take your stuff, I said its okay keep my stuff here I dont need them, she said no and got upset that just before that I had said ok I want my stuff, so she said take them , It might be a long time, maybe 2 years, then I said no please, she said take your clothes at least, I said ok, I asked her for a hug and kiss, she wouldnt until I asked a few times, she then came over and I hugged her and kissed her, then I left. I have been heartbroken since, I havent slept, I cant eat, I cant breath properly, I just dont want to live without her!!! Do you think If I give her time, maybe in a few weeks or a month she might call me? I know she loves me, I love her to death, it was actually her who first asked me out and jumped on me and cried and save she loves me. Is there still a chance? Will she take me back? Should I just go kill myself? I think you may have burned your bridges here dude. Why are you being so needy towards her? It's obvious she has a lot on her mind. You need some time on your own, I'm talking months maybe even a year to really have a good hard look at yourself. You are the most important person here and at the moment you look weak dude. Don't contact her (or go through her window), fall off her radar, don't engineer ways and means to make contact, delete her numbers, Facebook (you get the message). Take the time to be a better person because you want that, not for anyone else to prove a point and say look at me. As for the suicide threat, do you not think think the people here have not been through the same and worse than you? We're still here. 1
FredJones80 Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 separated from her verbally and emotionally abusive spouse. Look at how you're acting and then read the above quote. Then consider how your arguing, climbing through windows etc etc etc relates to that above quote and her previous situation. 4
Author Marko1987 Posted June 4, 2014 Author Posted June 4, 2014 I know I have done bad things, but she has done bad things to me also, but I love her to death and am willing to do anything to be with her, she said if I truly love her and don't want to lose her, that I need to give her time to collect herself and when she is ready she will call me, she is always upfront with me, and she has many times in the past fought with me and then when we make up she says why are you still with me? she admitted many times before that she is bitchy and moody and that she gives me a hard time a lot and I said it's ok I still love her. I think maybe in a month she will call me back and of course I have to show her I changed and I am financially secure too, plus since day one we always talked about marriage and when have seen lived together for 2 years sleeping in the same bed every night
Natsume21 Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 She doesn't want you. Kill your ego and go NC. I didn't even have to read your post to figure it out She's breaking up with you. Dump her completely and go NC before she pulls the trigger.
Natsume21 Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 Look at how you're acting and then read the above quote. Then consider how your arguing, climbing through windows etc etc etc relates to that above quote and her previous situation. In case what he saying wasn't clear: Never EVER get into a relationship with someone who JUST got out of one with an abusive spouse. They tend to like that kind of drama. You were doomed from the start. Chances are she went back to him or someone like him. You acted too needy. It's all right cause it sounds like your first time, but I reiterate, you were too damn needy. 1
Author Marko1987 Posted June 4, 2014 Author Posted June 4, 2014 Thanks for your ****ty advice, she's not with him and I'm not needy, your advice worth 2 cents and it's not my first time
kane30us Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 Here is the thing. She's getting over a separation. Dating 101: Never date a person who is separated. You moved in with her after two months!! What!! She doesn't love you. Not sure she ever did. Sorry to be blunt. She needed someone in a painful time in her life and that was you. Now she's over it. Also, stop being selfish and thinking of your own needs. She needs time to heal and figure her own life out. If you trully respected her you would give her space. If she wants you she will let you know. You can't force someone to want you. After everything you wrote I'm sure she thinks you're crazy now. Its time for you to move on.
kane30us Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 (edited) ...and BTW I'm NOT trying to be hurtful. I also dated a girl a few years ago I fell for. She was a month into her divorce when we started dating. It was great the first two months then the red-flags came. It took some time to get over it. Its not a good feeling being a rebound guy. But, its part of learning and making me a stronger person. So I do relate to you. Now, you have to leave her alone. If two people are supposed to be together, life will find a way for them to be together. I believe that. And if you're thinking of suicide. GET HELP!! The hurt goes away. Trust us. Everyone here has been dealing with some kind of pain at some point. You're not alone. Here is a note that made me feel good: If someone is not treating you with love and respect, or doesn't want to be with you. it is a GIFT if they walk away from you. If that person doesn't walk away, you will endure many years of suffering with him or her. Walking away may hurt you for a while, but your heart will eventually heal. Then you can choose what you really want. And you will love stronger and appreciate that person who really wants to be with you. Once you learn to except that you are golden. Edited June 4, 2014 by kane30us 2
Author Marko1987 Posted June 4, 2014 Author Posted June 4, 2014 Thank you all for your advice and help, she was decided to take me back, we are also getting married in September and we are slowly fixing all the issues. I am not crazy, I am in love and she is also in love but has had so much **** going on in her life all at once and it was overwhelming for her, now she is slowly getting better and with my help.
Author Marko1987 Posted June 4, 2014 Author Posted June 4, 2014 You, sir, are bat crap crazy. Reading your post made me want to take a swan dive. You are beyond needy. You're absolutely nuts. Begging, pleading, proposing after being told to go away...sneaking in through windows, calling on neighbours to do your dirty work. You need to see a shrink...ASAP. Your ex is not safe with you roaming the streets. Seriously, dude. Get some much needed help. You "sir" can kick my ass, my life is not like a tv show or book, this is serious and there are emotions and true love here. Take your advice and sell it for a dollar at the dollar store *******.
jphcbpa Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 Thank you all for your advice and help, she was decided to take me back, we are also getting married in September and we are slowly fixing all the issues. I am not crazy, I am in love and she is also in love but has had so much **** going on in her life all at once and it was overwhelming for her, now she is slowly getting better and with my help. this is not love. 1
kane30us Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 More power to you. I personally think you sound selfish "now she is slowly getting better and with my help". Who talks like that? And she sounds unstable to me. My opinion is; she's going to leave you again and again and again. She sees you as the fallback guy. When she's better you'll be going through this again after she hurts you (again). But, I understand the heart wants what the heart wants...SO PLEASE BE CAREFUL!! I really hope I am wrong!! Take care of yourself 1
Zahara Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 Thank you all for your advice and help, she was decided to take me back, we are also getting married in September and we are slowly fixing all the issues. I am not crazy, I am in love and she is also in love but has had so much **** going on in her life all at once and it was overwhelming for her, now she is slowly getting better and with my help. Threatening suicide everytime you don't get your way is emotional manipulation. It's an insight into your emotional and mental health. Love doesn't do the things you do. Both of you, the blind leading the blind. Get married and do whatever it is you both need to do but I don't see this relationship free from toxicity. I wish you the best and hope you both get some individual counseling. 3
NC-Thomas Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 I think this is the worst case of neediness and desperation I have ever read on Loveshack. This is considered stalking. Good luck with your girl, but seriously take a good look at your behavior. 1
kane30us Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 Getting Married?! Is it me? But, does that whole story about them getting married seem like BS? I don't think they are back together. I think Marko1987 can't take the tough advice we are giving him. So, he's making this whole thing up to make us sound like we don't know what we are talking about. It sounds fishy. No strong minded girl or women will take a person like what you described back. Proven its a lie or she's seriously unstable. Both will not end good. My 2cents! 3
NC-Thomas Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 Getting Married?! Is it me? But, does that whole story about them getting married seem like BS? I don't think they are back together. I think Marko1987 can't take the tough advice we are giving him. So, he's making this whole thing up to make us sound like we don't know what we are talking about. It sounds fishy. No strong minded girl or women will take a person like what you described back. Proven its a lie or she's seriously unstable. Both will not end good. My 2cents! Im not an expert on female psychology, but I know that people tend to want what they can't have. Especially to woman, neediness and desperation are extremely unattractive. I do not believe that any woman on earth would fall for this, unless there is an extreme pressure or forced need to do so. Next time you come to Loveshack and ask for some advice, don't be a dick if it's isn't the answers you wanted to hear. 1
umirano Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 You're not in love with her. You're in love with being with her. Because you cannot be alone or because you need someone at your side. Threatening to kill yourself is very bad. You're tormenting her and yourself. You both need to cool things off. You need to be without anybody until you fix your insecurities and your problems that lead to uncontrolled anger and suicide threats. That is not a healthy way of fighting with each other. I'm perfectly aware that fights happen and they can even get nasty. But you got to ask yourself what's wrong deep down if you keep having violent arguments for months. Also, getting married under these circumstances is a very bad idea. 2
jbelle6 Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 In case what he saying wasn't clear: Never EVER get into a relationship with someone who JUST got out of one with an abusive spouse. They tend to like that kind of drama. You were doomed from the start. Chances are she went back to him or someone like him. You acted too needy. It's all right cause it sounds like your first time, but I reiterate, you were too damn needy. I was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship for 2 years. ONE relationship. Everyone else I have loved has been kind and calm, very nice men. I can't stand fighting and drama and we don't ask to be treated that way, some people can put on a very VERY slick front at the beginning. How you can't see that the op is emotionally abusive himself is beyond me. Threatening suicide as emotional blackmail, crawling in her damn windows??? She's the one knew better and left him, HE'S THE ONE THAT WANTS IT BACK. OP, she isn't going to outright dump you because she is probably scared, but her trying to insist you get your stuff out her house and her not wanting to hug you says it all. She just wanted you to leave. 1
stillafool Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 . we have fought and I have said alot of mean things and hurt her feelings, threating to kill myself, smashing chairs, breaking things etc. Im gonna kill myself etc too many times, then we make up and we move on. Then Finally she had enough, asked me to leave, I made a big scene and fought and left, she said no more chances, I need space etc. This was last week. Is there still a chance? Will she take me back? Should I just go kill myself? TBH I would be afraid of you. I can't blame her for backing off because you are physically and emotionally abusive. If her ex was this way there is NO WAY this woman is going to take you back. I think she said give her time so you will calm down and move forward without her. I really don't see her taking you back. 1
Natsume21 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 I was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship for 2 years. ONE relationship. Everyone else I have loved has been kind and calm, very nice men. I can't stand fighting and drama and we don't ask to be treated that way, some people can put on a very VERY slick front at the beginning. How you can't see that the op is emotionally abusive himself is beyond me. Threatening suicide as emotional blackmail, crawling in her damn windows??? She's the one knew better and left him, HE'S THE ONE THAT WANTS IT BACK. OP, she isn't going to outright dump you because she is probably scared, but her trying to insist you get your stuff out her house and her not wanting to hug you says it all. She just wanted you to leave. Honestly, they both need help. But thanks for the correction. I needed to hear that. 1
Natsume21 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 To the OP. You REALLY need to slow down. Stop being a stalker AND SMELL THE ROSES! You're creeping me out, bro!
giblesp Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 (edited) As a man, as soon as you get to the point where 'you can't live without her,' your relationship is pretty much over. Women don't like this, its not attractive to them. The only way you can rectify this situation is by looking after your own 'feel good,' and not relying on another person. 'I can't live without her,' means that you've become dependent on her for everything to be ok. Like Mom. Doesn't sound too attractive right? Give her the space and time. You'll hear from her within a week if its back on. If not, you're going to be by yourself, it will hurt for a while, and you're going to look after yourself. With this girl or another, try and keep a cool head if she freaks out. Whatever she says she will say differently once she's calmed down, but she's only going to calm down if she sees you're being strong through her insecurities. Threatening suicide, shouting and screaming and climbing through windows isn't being too calm. I've been there myself, and decided that it wasn't me. So I stopped and my partner instantly calmed down and was all over me. It took some honest, hard work and looking inside. Good luck, look after yourself and your life. Thats what really makes you happy. Edited June 5, 2014 by giblesp 1
David87 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 OP you have serious issues. Please leave the girl alone because she's done with you.....and go to a therapist asap.
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