sterlingarcher Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 I feel like **** right now for breaking up and I don't know if I made the right decision. How can I know? If I listen to my heart its telling me to not break up.
FredJones80 Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 I feel like **** right now for breaking up and I don't know if I made the right decision. How can I know? If I listen to my heart its telling me to not break up. What was your reason(s) for breaking up?
Author sterlingarcher Posted June 4, 2014 Author Posted June 4, 2014 We have 2 years together. 3 months physical, 3 months LDR, 3 moths physical etc. We are 4 months from closing the distance permanently in which I see a happy life for us. Yet Im afraid of being hurt while we are at distance and she brought up for discussion wether we could do something to relief our sexual frustration, like a free pass no strings attached kinda thing. I took that as if she wanted to have sex with someone else and she said she just wanted to be honest and discuss it with me. I wouldnt give in and ended up breaking up because I think she deep down wants permission to have sex with someone else. This she denies. She cheated on me in the beginning of our relationship and we have both worked our asses off to work it through and make us right, but this is the main reason Im now afraid of being hurt again.
somecamel Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 We have 2 years together. 3 months physical, 3 months LDR, 3 moths physical etc. We are 4 months from closing the distance permanently in which I see a happy life for us. Yet Im afraid of being hurt while we are at distance and she brought up for discussion wether we could do something to relief our sexual frustration, like a free pass no strings attached kinda thing. I took that as if she wanted to have sex with someone else and she said she just wanted to be honest and discuss it with me. I wouldnt give in and ended up breaking up because I think she deep down wants permission to have sex with someone else. This she denies. She cheated on me in the beginning of our relationship and we have both worked our asses off to work it through and make us right, but this is the main reason Im now afraid of being hurt again. So to be clear. You're both 4 months away from living together and she wants to hook up for casual sex with other men? WoW. It's so easy for me to say you need to cut this off now, if you let it continue she'll end up doing it anyway, hate to say it but she might have already. Kudos to you for trying to save the relationship when it first started and she cheated, don't the know the circumstances but alarm bells probably should have rung then. There's 3.5 Billion other women out there, what are you waiting for? 4
PegNosePete Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 Read the other thread. Yes you DEFINITELY did the right thing dude. Imagine where you'd be now... sitting in front of the computer waiting for her to log on, while she is banging some other guy.
Author sterlingarcher Posted June 4, 2014 Author Posted June 4, 2014 So to be clear. You're both 4 months away from living together and she wants to hook up for casual sex with other men? Thats what I suspect she wants, yet she is convincing me that she is just trying to be honest and bring it up for discussion to know how I feel about it. My logic is you dont bring up such thing for discussion unless its something you want. What am I waiting for? Im waiting for someone that understands me, doesnt judge, is open to new things, have the same values and goals in life, and a few other things (like not wanting kids). Thats her. It sounds weird but Im kind of a lone wolf, but I work very well with her and we have great times together.
d0nnivain Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 You analyze things like this with your head not your heart. So close to the end of the distance, this free pass nonsense is BS. Maybe I could understand it in the beginning before you had a meaningful chance to get together but not now after all this time. Also if she previously cheated on you, ending the distance may simply be an end to the ease with which she was able to go behind your back. Without trust -- which she broke -- there is no relationship. 2
bubbaganoosh Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 She cheated at the beginning of the relationship and you gave her a chance which is more than a lot of guys would do and now she springs this new thing on you. Seems like she hasn't learned a lesson from the first go around so you did the best thing. Move on and find another. 1
Author sterlingarcher Posted June 4, 2014 Author Posted June 4, 2014 You analyze things like this with your head not your heart. Thanks, thats a thought that will hopefully keep me sane for now. 1
free_radicals Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 She cheated on you in the beginning, and now she wants a free pass? Hell no, let her go. It's for your own good. She was dishonest from the beginning. No reason to believe what she's saying. She probably has someone in mind to have sex with. My experience says that if you tell her no to a free pass, she'll do it anyway. If she ends up telling you about it at some point when her conscience gets to her, it will hurt even more. You did the right thing.
ponchsox Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 Is this really even a question? Why would you stay with a self admitting cheater?
revelations Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 sterlingarcher, You can read my post that I made on your other thread about your ex wanting an open relationship or free pass. I explain what's going on pretty good their. Now let me ask you this. If I walked up to you and asked you if I could kick you in the nuts would you be okay with it? Probably not, the reason is because it would still cause you pain. The truth is that any type of free pass or open relationship only works because the relationship and communication are good. There are usually no troubles with cheating or anything like that. If you have ever noticed that most couples that swing are in their late 30's and older. The reason is because they have a strong marriage and they trust each other. In your case this woman just wants to cheat and be honest about it before hand. I am sure her tone would change if you said something like "I'm so glad you brought that up. Their is this woman I have became friends with and she made if very clear that she wants me. So a night or two of fun with her would be great". I am willing to bet that the free pass would all of a sudden have certain conditions on it, or restrictions. Bottom line is that you did do the right thing bro. Her honesty is nothing but a mine game, just in a different way. Trust me, you took back a cheater once. Now she will want that free pass every time she see a cute guy that she wants to ride. However I don't know, some guys like sharing their wife or girlfriend. Myself I just don't want to give my girlfriend oral and be tasting some other man's DNA that he left behind.
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