Newtothis2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 So I've been doing really well. It's been six months NC this week. I have my moments but generally I feel okay. The lonelines gets to me sometimes but I've ALWAYS been a bit of a loner. Someone told me they had de-friended and unfollowed each other on stuff but looked like they'd made up. I stupidly checked his Facebook. He listed himself as in a relationship with the new person. That wasn't the hurtful bit. The hurtful bit was it's been listed they met the month before we broke up and that's when the relationship began. I've had a few good cries now and the dreaded anxiety is back. It's the usual self indulgent feelings here but I am very scared that I am going to be alone forever. Why has he landed so well on his feet and I am still in limbo? It feels unfair but I guess it just isn't. My advice to any of you reading this. Don't. Look. At. Their. Social. Media.
Ordinaryday Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 Why has he landed so well on his feet and I am still in limbo? because the dumper plans out dumping you BEFORE THEY DO IT and they detach from the relationship LONG before the moment they actually dump you. they move on faster because they start, however brief, their grieving period long before you do. and also, it sucks, but they must believe that their life will be better without you in it. it sounds harsh, I hate it, but if they honestly truly believed that their life will be worse after dumping you THEN THEY WOULDN'T DO IT! by dumping you they are taking steps to 'improve' their quality of life. for the few rare dumpers that come back, it is not because they didn't believe the above... it is because they did and realised they were wrong 1
elseaacych Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 You don't know whether they actually landed well on their feet or not. If they were contributing some serious issues that caused the end of the last relationship (regardless of if they were the dumper or not), the alarm could trigger eventually. But you don't know for sure. Whatever. Point is: just because they lined someone up before they dumped you doesn't mean they're better off. They may be. They may not be. F-ck them. It doesn't f-cking matter, because you know their true colors. You go at your own speed, and don't judge YOUR self worth based on whether your ex has found someone new or not. You are playing the long game to find a GOOD match, not just "a match". BLOCK YOUR EX. 7
Jay77098 Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 You don't know whether they actually landed well on their feet or not. If they were contributing some serious issues that caused the end of the last relationship (regardless of if they were the dumper or not), the alarm could trigger eventually. But you don't know for sure. Whatever. Point is: just because they lined someone up before they dumped you doesn't mean they're better off. They may be. They may not be. F-ck them. It doesn't f-cking matter, because you know their true colors. You go at your own speed, and don't judge YOUR self worth based on whether your ex has found someone new or not. You are playing the long game to find a GOOD match, not just "a match". BLOCK YOUR EX. This is the single best posting on the entire LS site. Well done, elseaacych. And thank you for this honest and true reminder. 1
April Moon Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 Hi Op!! This happened to me too. However, he went public on FB with the new girl 6 days after breaking up with me. Obviously, he was with her while he was with me. After I saw his post, I was so done. I went through anger and sadness. I asked myself if the relationship meant anything. But I decided the moment I saw it to move on. I went NC and I deleted him from everything (blocked too). I don't need someone like him in your life and neither do you! It gets better! It will be long and hard but it eventually gets better. I'm now happy in a relationship with a guy and we are taking it slow. Eventually, all those feelings lessen and are no longer an obsession (at least for me.. The obsession part). Hang in there
Elle1975 Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 I read a lot of posts where the dumpee swears up and down there was nobody else. Then they come back screaming "cheating bastard!"or the female equivalent. It's true, they check out weeks before actually breaking up. And you're right.. don't check up their social medias. I'm so glad I haven't. I REALLY don't need to see that. Just remember that it reflects on him, not on you. It's his fcked up moral, not yours. And I'd be curious to know if the new gf knows about it. I'd be nervous. I couldn't do it. Who knows if she's next? So yeah.. don't cry. And don't you check on something like that again!!!
Wings Of Love Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 I remember checking his FB up to 6 times a day, every day. I had this ridiculous idea that it would help me somehow, but there would always be something to hurt me. It got to the point that I was terrified of coming online, and I just felt sick with fear all the time. The constant checking came back to bite me, as it usually will. A few months before we broke up, a girl added him. He showed me, told me he'd never even heard of her and apparently declined the request. Just a few weeks after we split, she was suddenly on his friends list, and he'd tagged her in a post saying how much he missed her. That was in October. I blocked him immediately and have never felt any need to check again. Before I asked them to stop mentioning him though, my family told me that he'd got into a "relationship" with some girl but it lasted two days, after which she changed her name and moved cities. Weird. xD It does hurt and it does make you doubt yourself. But I promise it gets easier. I've not met anyone else yet, but I know that I will when the time is right. You'll be fine.
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