NewThrowaway Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Longtime lurker on these boards and figured I would finally ask around and see what everyone's real and honest thoughts are about getting back together with an ex. Me (26M) her (23F). Dated for 9 months, part of it was long distance but we saw each other fairly regularly on weekends and federal holidays (both federal employees). Anyway, she broke up with me about two months ago. I did the typical stuff while trying to salvage the relationship but I wasn’t blowing up her phone with texts/e-mails or phone calls. We had very brief and civil conversations. It’s been about a month and a half since we communicated and I’m almost certain there isn’t another guy in the picture. When speaking to her last she said that she felt like she wasn’t a priority in my life. I was too busy with work and she felt like just another person. I guess you could say I took her for granted (this was hard for me to admit). She also said that if she didn’t break up for me now, she wasn’t going to be able to in the future. That by doing it now, she was doing it for herself, to “find herself,” and that whether it was 2 years in the future or 20 years, one of us would resent the other one. It wasn’t a break up in the heat of the moment. There was no abuse, no cheating. If anything it was a lack of communication skills between the two of us. I didn’t communicate my feelings appropriately and she didn’t communicate hers. The thing is, this was her first relationship and the distance didn’t help. By the end of the year the distance will be closed (we will be in the same city again) and I think we can really work on the lack of communication skills and become stronger because of this time apart. I’ve made pretty good progress on thinking about what went wrong, why, and what I can do to fix it. I’m not going to be able to do anything in the short term and even if I did reach out and we got back together, I’m going to be very busy with work in the fall and that will only complicate matters more. So I’d rather sit back and wait a few more months before trying to re-enter the picture. So knowing that all relationships are different, and with no knowledge of her side of the story, what do you think the chances are of us getting back together?
d0nnivain Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 If this was her 1st relatiomship if I were you I wouldn't shoulder all the blame for "not making her a priority." For an LDR it sounds like you spent a great deal of time together. She may have had unreasonable expectations about what it means to be in a relationship. Romance movies & novels make it sound like the world stops turning when people are in love. That's simply not true -- you still get sick, have to do laundry & go to work. I'm not a big believer in going backwards but if you come back to the table with a new commitment to fixing the stuff she said was wrong, you may have a shot. But since it appears that work is a bit cyclical for you -- busier at certain times -- what's going to happen when the busy time comes around again? Perhaps you need somebody with more realistic expectations about what a relationship is.
Author NewThrowaway Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 If this was her 1st relatiomship if I were you I wouldn't shoulder all the blame for "not making her a priority." For an LDR it sounds like you spent a great deal of time together. She may have had unreasonable expectations about what it means to be in a relationship. Romance movies & novels make it sound like the world stops turning when people are in love. That's simply not true -- you still get sick, have to do laundry & go to work. I'm not a big believer in going backwards but if you come back to the table with a new commitment to fixing the stuff she said was wrong, you may have a shot. But since it appears that work is a bit cyclical for you -- busier at certain times -- what's going to happen when the busy time comes around again? Perhaps you need somebody with more realistic expectations about what a relationship is. I appreciate this. After this year my work schedule will be very different and more "normal." I can't guarantee that will always be the case but that is how life is and I'll take two years of a 9-5 schedule. As for someone with more realistic expectations, I agree. That seems to be the thing I think about the most and probably the number one thing that I see as a negative in our relationship. I wasn't exactly compared to chick flicks or something but over the last few weeks since the break up I definitely feel like our relationship was being compared to one.
PhillyConnection23 Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 Wow! Pretty much the same situation as me. I like to think that I have a chance with my ex sometime in the future. Just keep sticking to yourself, avoid contact with her and focus on yourself. I'm all for reaching out in the future if you think you are emotionally ready to handle the outcome (whatever it is) and if you seriously think she is worth it. Life is about getting hurt and taking chances. If she is someone you want to spend your life with, she is worth the risk.
Recommended Posts