Shaun-Dro Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Just came back from a run, just keeping in shape during the warm days and I got hit on by a dame passing through with a friend. I was stunned she even had the guts to make a move; first asking me for the time and then quickly following up with asking me about my dragon tattoos. I was calm and cool with her even though I didn't find her attractive at all. I tried to excuse myself and that's when she started fishing for compliments. I was again surprised that she had the audacity to ask me if she needed to go on a diet and drop about 10 pounds. I told her no and to enjoy the rest of her day. I did this without hesitation, which sparked her annoyance where she called me a jerk and how I'm not all of that, so I turned around and told her "I can say the same about you." and that's when she and her friend cuss me out and shout expletives down the block. I ignored this and continued my jogging toward home. This is the first time where rejecting a woman had such consequences, I guess because it was on the cold approach. But I've had a similar cold approach last Saturday at Target when an older dame wanted to know if I worked there, which was a ridiculous question. I wasn't dressed in a red shirt and khakis, so I knew she was hitting on me so I politely told her no and ignored her after that. That same woman says nothing for about a minute while still hanging out in the same aisle before uttering "Men can be so ****ing arrogant," and then she storms past, so I know that remark was meant for me. There's been a few more instances with women on the subway trying to get my attention and me ignoring it because they're just not my type and these same women catching attitude by storming off. This experience has been with mostly black females. I'm black too, but with white women, they'll just shoot looks and put themselves in my vicinity but they don't come off aggressively. I don't know if it's cultural but it's getting on my nerves because some of these women shouldn't be making moves on a guy when there's no indication of interest. Then get mad when it doesn't turn out well for them. Or think all men are *******s because of this. I'm sure most men know this, which is why they never bother unless they get the green light. So ladies, while it's cool to sometimes approach a man that steals your eye, don't bother if he's not paying you any attention. At least if the guy is checking you out that's a positive sign, but other than that, just leave it alone. I don't have to tell the men this. Most aren't approaching anyway. 2
serial muse Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 some of these women shouldn't be making moves on a guy when there's no indication of interest. Then get mad when it doesn't turn out well for them. Or think all men are *******s because of this. Ha! Well, speaking as a woman, welcome to my world. 8
Gaeta Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I am a female and I did get approached by men to whom I have given NO indication what-so-ever that I was interested. It's annoying when they cannot read that you're not interested. 8
iiiii Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I don't know, I agree that it is always a bit awkward when you get propositioned by someone you have shown absolutely no interest in, but then again many people on this forum also complain that they never get approached by strangers. It's hard to please everybody. I do think getting upset or rude when you are rejected is pretty poor behavior though. 8
Woggle Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 People are not mind readers so I would never get mad at a woman for approaching. If we start doing that then men and women won't even talk to each other anymore and that is not the kind of world I want to live in. Both genders should however take no for an answer. I sort of agree though that woman sometimes can be worse than men when it comes to taking rejection. It's especially bad with an attractive woman who isn't used to it. I will never fault a woman for trying and most have taken it well.
Glinda.Good Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Do you think that you have had enough experience rejecting women to confidently say that most of us cannot handle it? In fact, I don't think that anybody is particularly keen on rejection; some don't have the right etiquette to handle it gracefully. 3
Joaquin Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 (edited) Like everything its about balance. My thanks but no thanks ratio is about the same as my me getting rejected ratio. My definition of rejection is very narrow tho. Edited June 3, 2014 by Joaquin
Imajerk17 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 There's nothing wrong with approaching someone, as you never know whether they could be interested or not unless you talk to them. (At least that is true when it comes to a guy approaching a woman--many women hardly register a guy until he actually comes up to her.) But if you are going to cold-approach, you can't get mad if the other person isn't interested. These women didn't do that. If a GUY had acted as these women did when shot down, security would have been called. 3
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Honestly, it goes both ways. I've politely turned down many men in my day and not all were gentlemanly about it unfortunately. Rejection is rejection and it sucks. And like Glinda.Good said, some just don't have the right etiquette to handle it while others do. 3
Phoe Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Ive approached twice and was rejected both times. One of the rejections was a bit rude. While I "handled" it just fine in how I reacted, it definitely embarrassed me enough that I will NEVER do it again. 3
readynow Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 This experience has been with mostly black females. I'm black too, but with white women, they'll just shoot looks and put themselves in my vicinity but they don't come off aggressively.. Most women can and do take rejection very well. I'm black and have never hit on a guy never mind respond aggressively that he wasn't interested so, no, it's not a black woman thing either... Why is it happening to you so much though? It doesn't sound like a common occurrence to me. 2
Author Shaun-Dro Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 I am a female and I did get approached by men to whom I have given NO indication what-so-ever that I was interested. It's annoying when they cannot read that you're not interested. I agree. I see where a lot of women are coming from with this. My issue on the other hand is when women pretend to express interest when they don't mean it. That's a problem.
Gaeta Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I agree. I see where a lot of women are coming from with this. My issue on the other hand is when women pretend to express interest when they don't mean it. That's a problem. That's a different topic lol. Sometimes it's misinterpretation on the other party. Example I have a bubbly personality and I smile a lot, make humour, compliment, etc. The parking guy at my office building interpreted this as me flirting with him. You should have seen my face when he followed me in the underground parking to tell me he was in love with me <too> lol, I'm laughing about it now but I didn't back then. 1
Woggle Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Men here say all the time that women should approach as well and I sort of agree with it but when they do the OP has to get mad about it. As long as they are nice when you turn them down take it as a compliment.
Leeway Harris Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Ive approached twice and was rejected both times. One of the rejections was a bit rude. While I "handled" it just fine in how I reacted, it definitely embarrassed me enough that I will NEVER do it again. Suppose a man, maybe a friend of yours, told you this about his history of approaching women. That he was embarrassed to the point that he would NEVER do it again. What would you tell him? 1
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Maybe you could just smile politely and take it as a compliment... 1
pteromom Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I'm sure most men know this, which is why they never bother unless they get the green light. ummmmmmmm... no. They definitely DO NOT know this. Sometimes, they keep trying even after you tell them straight up that you aren't interested. 2
gaius Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Well it was kind of a douche move. There's nothing wrong with flirting back for a bit, even asking her for her number if she's hitting on you. Making her feel good about the encounter. What are you afraid someones going to think less of you because you're actually flirting with a woman with a few extra pounds or who's older? 1
Author Shaun-Dro Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 Most women can and do take rejection very well. I'm black and have never hit on a guy never mind respond aggressively that he wasn't interested so, no, it's not a black woman thing either... Why is it happening to you so much though? It doesn't sound like a common occurrence to me. I wouldn't say it happens so much. I've just been the recipient of more than several incidents over the past few months, from mostly black women. And I'm going to say because maybe they feel more comfortable approaching the same race/ethnicity as them. I never had a woman take outright rejection well with me. I've had it where a lady would throw hints my way and when I didn't bite, she would stop it altogether without getting angry. Those weren't cold approaches though. From the cold approach experience, most women I've encountered haven't handled it well, but the ones I had today were the worst by far. But overall, rejection does sting but you have to anticipate that chance when making a blind move like that.
Author Shaun-Dro Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 Men here say all the time that women should approach as well and I sort of agree with it but when they do the OP has to get mad about it. As long as they are nice when you turn them down take it as a compliment. Who said I was mad about it? I just mentioned that I wasn't attracted to the women I encountered today and showed no signs of wanting them to make a move but they did anyway and it annoyed me because I continued to clue them in on my disinterest, and they didn't budge. I enjoy female attention anywhere I go, but if I don't so much as shoot even the shortest glimpse their way, I feel they shouldn't be following up on me.
Do_The_Herp Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Men here say all the time that women should approach as well and I sort of agree with it but when they do the OP has to get mad about it. As long as they are nice when you turn them down take it as a compliment. Guess you just can't win. Male or female. I'm going to assume that the next attractive girl that I hit on would rather that I didn't, like many of the girls posting in this thread. But I no longer feel bad. Can't blame a guy for trying, he'd have gotten nowhere otherwise.
mrs rubble Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Never mind, your looks are bound to fade with time and you'll no longer be burdened with the adoration of the unsuitable masses!! 3
mrs rubble Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 Guess you just can't win. Male or female. I'm going to assume that the next attractive girl that I hit on would rather that I didn't, like many of the girls posting in this thread. But I no longer feel bad. Can't blame a guy for trying, he'd have gotten nowhere otherwise. Never assume. Loads of people male and female get a real boost out of someone showing admiration, kindness,giving compliments. It can make a person's day. Cold, callous people can wreck a persons day with their offhand self importance.
normal person Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 I find the easiest way to deal with this stuff is to disqualify yourself from contention. Drop "my girlfriend" into conversation or say you're just in from out of town, anything like that so it's not her you're rejecting, it's the ethics or logistics. Let's keep in mind that in our society women are led to believe that guys are desperate and sex obsessed, and that getting a guy should be the easiest thing in the world for a girl. Now imagine when she sees someone she's attracted to who isn't fawning over her and she has to step out of her comfort zone to approach him. How embarrassing is it for her if she's rejected then, after society tells her how easy it should be for her? I've been paying a lot of attention to this sort of thing the last few years. I've found girls' approaches, whether in person or online, are usually pretty bad or uninspired by a guy's standards. Girls often haven't crafted or honed their ability to approach and they seem to bank on being hot and having that be enough for you. I wish they'd put some more thought into an approach so your acceptance/rejection of them isn't an obvious result of whether or not you find them attractive. 5
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