WiselyNaive Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 every break up i've ever had has followed a certain pattern...i guess i have low self esteem but even when i have an "upper hand" in a break up (w.e that means) i always throw it away....i'm always so impulsive. i know this break up in no different..i went immediate NC...its been 2 months...he left me for another girl...& said horrible things while doing it..i know he doesnt want me back..he hasnt even apologized properly, he doesnt care...but i'm so hurt...you can say i kept the little of the pride i had left by not begging him back the second i found out i went NC. but yesterday he posted a pic of the girl...part of me hoped she wouldnt be with him since we found out together about the cheating but i think she fooled me into thinking we would confront him together while she gave him a heads up....he humiliated me infront of people & her...i should mention i just liked the pic he posted even though i dont follow him on the social site so i already technically broke NC today idk if he's seen it yet...but in the following when i say break NC im referring to actually making contact that can be responded to so why is it that i now want to break NC? what do i even want to say?.... a long letter explaining all the ways my life is horrible while he is doing great?...a mean text saying i hate his guts?...or a phone call crying & asking him why he did this to me? idk but i know i'll do one eventually..i always do. even if the right person comes here & tells me all the reasons not to..or convinces me he will eventually regret it & that my 2 months NC is showing him im not the girl u humiliate....i'll still get really weak one day & break NC...because thats how ive always gotten over things....i cry & beg and plead for weeks-months...they either ignore or just say sorry repeatedly I always beat the dead horse until i feel like i cant anymore & when ive hit rock bottom & i lost all my self respect and my ex thinks i'm a psycho desperate stalker is when i give up and sit around for about a year before i feel like im over it & do it all over again with someone new. idk why i cant do the exact same process in silence...instead nc feels like im just delaying it...that i knw eventually im going to blow up & im just making it worst for myself...2 months & not a peep? & then he posts a pic of her like he is so happy?...who is the NC for? because its not helping me out all...i need these feelings out NOW...why hold on for another month knowing i think about him everyday & i will eventually crack? what is wrong with me? why cant i get over ppl with respect for myself? & this is an ex who treated me SO HORRIBLY....i think he was using me the entire time...there is a high chance he wont even respond if i break NC which will make me feel even worst...even crazier..probably cause me to act even crazier..but this man built me up told me he loved me did all these things spent everyday with me & all the while he was thinking about this other girl and then pulled all from under me at once...said horrible things to me...him & the girl used me as a pawn in their game with each other..& i gave this guy everything.. he'll never regret what he's done to me..he probably doesnt even know the devastation he has caused to my life...breaking NC will probably make him feel even better about choosing her over me....& maybe as the days pass by & he may even think about me a bit and feel he shouldve chosen me cause i never came back & i exted gracefully..just MAYBE...but even if thats true i'll never know it because he'll never tell me because he is with the girl and i told him if he ever contacted me again id tell her & change my #....soi'll spend the next couple months deluding myself into thinking he wants me back & im the one who really won because she is with a cheater who has no respect for woman...all the while im hurt & sad they are happy together....no good can come from either road so why should i take the high 1? i know im going to break NC eventually. idk whats wrong with me i dont even know how i lasted this long...but its all for nothing in the end...what more do i have left to lose...what am i even gaining by pretending to be strong
stillafool Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 If you are hell bent on breaking NC to tell him how you feel go ahead and do it. You already know it's not going to get him back, he probably won't respond to you, he doesn't care how you feel, and in the end it will make you feel even worse but hey, it's your life go ahead and do it.
Lizie29 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Wow do i understand you right now .. Im dealing with the same issues even if i know that NC is the right thing to do i just cant seem to stick to it .. In my case it's hard because he does contact me and plays with my head and emotions so bad .. Love is so blind sometimes ! i wish i could just be strong enough to really let go and move on . If u really did 2 months with no contact trust me dont go and "**** it up" he is probably posting pictures on the net to have a reaction from you and make u freak out . Dont let him win cause right now even if u dont feel that way YES u are the winner ! 1
PhillyConnection23 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Look, this guy sounds like a complete ******* but you need to understand you have absolutely 0 to gain from contacting him. Even if there is a chance that it could work out in the future, is this really someone you want to spend your life with? Judging from the little bit I've read I would say no. I would also like to point out that you don't seem entirely sure what you would say to him, increasingly the likelihood that you blow your cool and come off as something worse...
Lizie29 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 U sound like u could give me some good advice .. If u have time go check my story ! Thx advice is always appreciated .
Zahara Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 (edited) idk why i cant do the exact same process in silence...instead nc feels like im just delaying it...that i knw eventually im going to blow up & im just making it worst for myself...2 months & not a peep? & then he posts a pic of her like he is so happy?...who is the NC for? because its not helping me out all...i need these feelings out NOW...why hold on for another month knowing i think about him everyday & i will eventually crack? what is wrong with me? why cant i get over ppl with respect for myself? i know im going to break NC eventually. idk whats wrong with me i dont even know how i lasted this long...but its all for nothing in the end...what more do i have left to lose...what am i even gaining by pretending to be strong What NC? There is no NC if you are checking his social media. The sole purpose of NC is to help you heal and move on. And NC protects you from reminders and triggers, it helps you take focus on yourself. It helps you start to internalize - focus on you versus externalize - focus on him. NC is a choice. A choice you make for yourself because YOU want to heal and you want to move on. It has never worked for you because it's not NC. What you did was just sit back and mope in your corner for awhile. Now you've been triggered and you're itching to get back at him. When you don't get the response you want, you will again go back into your corner and mope. That's not NC. NC is forward action, moving ahead, painful as it is, determined to get to the other side. Healing. Rebuilding. You've done nothing to help yourself. You either want to break the cycle or you don't. You can sit there and moan about how you're always going to stay this way or you make the decision that something has to change and it has to change now. Playing the helpless victim gets you nowhere but further into your cycle of self-pity and denial. You have poor self-esteem. And you probably have a fear of abandonment. You will keep trying to seek validation from him because you have no ability to value yourself. Change that. No one will see any value in you if you don't see in it yourself. This would be a good time for you to seek counseling, at least to help you sort your emotions and help you find coping skills whenever you feel this way. You can't keep sitting there and enabling your issues, do something about it. Edited June 3, 2014 by Zahara 1
me85 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 OMG, been there, done ALL of that & bought the damn t-shirt...with only one of my boyfriends. (my current ex) It was all that damn passion we had for one another that made it feel nearly IMPOSSIBLE to move on (I'm STILL not fully over him either!) Listen, eventually you get a handle on things. I'm the same way, I go with what I feel and don't hold back when it comes to matters of the heart. I love way way too hard and if I'm hurt, I fu cking HURTT. I've made a fool of myself PLENTY of times. You are definitely not alone. I think you should dive into yourself COMPLETELY. Join groups, a gym, travel, start collecting...WHATEVER. Heck, join Tinder like I have recently. It is a major ego boost. It's only a temporary distraction though. Just fun. You know all this about yourself, which means you can do something about it and eventually, you will. 1
me85 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Wow do i understand you right now .. Im dealing with the same issues even if i know that NC is the right thing to do i just cant seem to stick to it .. In my case it's hard because he does contact me and plays with my head and emotions so bad .. Love is so blind sometimes ! i wish i could just be strong enough to really let go and move on . If u really did 2 months with no contact trust me dont go and "**** it up" he is probably posting pictures on the net to have a reaction from you and make u freak out . Dont let him win cause right now even if u dont feel that way YES u are the winner ! MY EX DOES THE SAME THING WITH ME! & we are near a year post-BU! Inbox me, seriously. We could have a good long talk. lol 1
Lizie29 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 How can i inbox you ? Im new to this just sign in last night cause i was going crazy lol 1
me85 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 How can i inbox you ? Im new to this just sign in last night cause i was going crazy lol Haha awww You can go to my name on the left & click on it. It will drop down and you'll see where you can send me a message! Let me know if you have any trouble ! 1
Zahara Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 How can i inbox you ? Im new to this just sign in last night cause i was going crazy lol I don't think you have PM capability. I believe you have to be an established member, at least 50 - 100 posts to your name.
me85 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I don't think you have PM capability. I believe you have to be an established member, at least 50 - 100 posts to your name. Seriously? That's lame.
awesome0 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I'm not telling you what to do either way, but I'm a person that sometimes needs to hit bottom before I can get over. My most recent ex I confronted her 2 months after NC because I couldn't get her out of my head. As soon as I saw her and it had been almost four months I realized she wasn't even the same person and I felt a great relief the moment I left. Maybe you are similar in that it's something you need to do. Sometimes its better for a person to say to much than to little or nothing at all. All I know is I feel better everyday since my last run in with her. Food for thought
Lizie29 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Zahara and me85 at least u can read my story and maybe give me some advice hope to be eable to inbox u soon lol that sucks .
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