Dont know what to think

June 3, 2014

I was in a relationship for a year and half and we purchased our first home together and after six months he told me it was over. In a way it took me by surprise and in another way it did not. He had really bad anger issues. Everytime we went out and he had a few drinks he became verbally abusive. It became to the point where I did not want to go to his friends because they drank and by the end of the evening I knew he would explode, either on the way home or at home. I was always afraid to say something that would start a fight. He would through keys at me, punch things, call me by every bad name you can think of. Would say things like you have no friends, you have a fat ass and have no motivation, I'm up here and you are down here, and I'm skipping a lot of mean things he could tell me. When he was nice he was very nice and when he was mean he was really mean.

What started the fight the day he left me was that he wanted to go to his friends on the Saturday, and I said no I do not want to go. If you want to go, then go ahead and I will do something with my girlfriends. His response was it's over. In the past when he would say it's over I would stay and talk him out of it, but this time I got up and said fine, I too have been thinking about it because I'm not longer happy in this relationship and left the house and never came back (except for 1 time). It's almost like he had told himself, the next time she refuses to go to my friends house "it's over".

This happened on March 21 and since that date he has texted me almost every day saying that he left me not because he does not love me anymore but because he wants to take care of his anger issues and that some day our paths will cross again. I made it clear to him that I'm not interested and could never go back to someone like him. Then he started texting that it hurts him just thinking that I may be seeing someone else. The text start nice and by the end he start beeing mean and puts me down again.

He kept saying he was not seeing anyone and kept accusing me of dating again, and even though I tell him I have not been going on any one on one dates because I need to heal before I start dating again. I had a feeling that he was dating and/or seeing someone and one day he was texting me as he always did,saying things like I'm the love of his life, he would like to have me in his bed, that he sees my smile everywhere in the house, but this time at 7:30 he said, I'm tired I'm going to bed early tonight. I knew this was really out of character because he has never done this in all the time I have known him. So to prove a point I drive to the house (house was still mine at the time, papers were not signed and still had a key - but never used it), and when I drove by I could see he was sitting in the leaving room with a girl. So I went to the door and rang the buzzer and when he opened the door I told him why were you texting me today telling me that you still love me and find the seperation difficult. He pushed be off the steps and in the lawn and kept pushing me to the car, yelling like a crazy man. He said the reason he did this was because I kept pushing him back and would not come in his bed, so I forced him to see someone else. I did it once a felt so empty that I never went back and regretted it since.

So the above gives you a good idea of what I went through and continue, because even though I know I do not want him, I feel a lot of pain and cannot seem to move forward. It's been 2 months and I still have really bad days.

I'm looking for advise and suggestions that will help me move on.

Edited June 3, 2014 by Lizie29
Add a new comment

June 3, 2014

Say it with me....this guy is crazy.

He is abusive, he has a bunch of issues, and he can't take the hint that the relationship is over. He texts you every day to tell you that he wants to work on his issues? Part of his issues are that he doesn't realize the relationship is over.

I'm all for reaching out to your ex and trying to make things work if you truly feel they are the right person for you. But this guy doesn't sound like the right person for anyone. Stay away. Stay far away.

June 3, 2014

What's the status of the real estate? Are you still on the mortgage? Can he afford to buy you out? Fix the money side.

As for him -- he's bad drunk. He's violent & cares about the bottle them you. You are better off without him. Move on & don't look back after you fix the money issues.

June 3, 2014

I was in a relationship for a year and half and we purchased our first home together and after six months he told me it was over. In a way it took me by surprise and in another way it did not. He had really bad anger issues. Everytime we went out and he had a few drinks he became verbally abusive. It became to the point where I did not want to go to his friends because they drank and by the end of the evening I knew he would explode, either on the way home or at home. I was always afraid to say something that would start a fight. He would through keys at me, punch things, call me by every bad name you can think of. Would say things like you have no friends, you have a fat ass and have no motivation, I'm up here and you are down here, and I'm skipping a lot of mean things he could tell me. When he was nice he was very nice and when he was mean he was really mean.

What started the fight the day he left me was that he wanted to go to his friends on the Saturday, and I said no I do not want to go. If you want to go, then go ahead and I will do something with my girlfriends. His response was it's over. In the past when he would say it's over I would stay and talk him out of it, but this time I got up and said fine, I too have been thinking about it because I'm not longer happy in this relationship and left the house and never came back (except for 1 time). It's almost like he had told himself, the next time she refuses to go to my friends house "it's over".

This happened on March 21 and since that date he has texted me almost every day saying that he left me not because he does not love me anymore but because he wants to take care of his anger issues and that some day our paths will cross again. I made it clear to him that I'm not interested and could never go back to someone like him. Then he started texting that it hurts him just thinking that I may be seeing someone else. The text start nice and by the end he start beeing mean and puts me down again.

He kept saying he was not seeing anyone and kept accusing me of dating again, and even though I tell him I have not been going on any one on one dates because I need to heal before I start dating again. I had a feeling that he was dating and/or seeing someone and one day he was texting me as he always did,saying things like I'm the love of his life, he would like to have me in his bed, that he sees my smile everywhere in the house, but this time at 7:30 he said, I'm tired I'm going to bed early tonight. I knew this was really out of character because he has never done this in all the time I have known him. So to prove a point I drive to the house (house was still mine at the time, papers were not signed and still had a key - but never used it), and when I drove by I could see he was sitting in the leaving room with a girl. So I went to the door and rang the buzzer and when he opened the door I told him why were you texting me today telling me that you still love me and find the seperation difficult. He pushed be off the steps and in the lawn and kept pushing me to the car, yelling like a crazy man. He said the reason he did this was because I kept pushing him back and would not come in his bed, so I forced him to see someone else. I did it once a felt so empty that I never went back and regretted it since.

So the above gives you a good idea of what I went through and continue, because even though I know I do not want him, I feel a lot of pain and cannot seem to move forward. It's been 2 months and I still have really bad days.

I'm looking for advise and suggestions that will help me move on.

People with anger issues often will say "look what YOU made me do", or "I did it for YOU" etc.. you got the idea. Get away from that. He can't take any responsibilities for his actions. Good luck to the next victim.

The right way to get away from that is to see a psychologist. Those issues usually don't solve themselves, and you don't want to find yourself in a pattern of meeting abusive men.

As for your phone, since you have signed off the paperwork on the house (or whatever was done), change your number.

Until you make the conscious choice to change your number, and effectively remove him from your life, you won't be able to move on efficiently.

It's a good thing that you walked on him. You saw it for yourself. I suspect it won't be enough for you to really snap out of it, but it's hopefully going to propel you in the right direction.

June 3, 2014

Hey donnivain there is no money issues . The house thing is over im back at my parents house . What im trying to explain in this post is that i cant seem to get over it . I loved him and the house so much in my head i was gonna marry this guy i was so good to him i can not understand until this day how he could do this to me . He is the one that ended this relationship but never stopped texting me and saying that he still thinks about me and love me .. We had so much too loose with him breaking up with me and he did it anyways . But now cant seem to be eable to let go of me . Im so so confuse ! Sorry for my bad english im french so trying my best here .

June 3, 2014

Hey donnivain there is no money issues . The house thing is over im back at my parents house . What im trying to explain in this post is that i cant seem to get over it . I loved him and the house so much in my head i was gonna marry this guy i was so good to him i can not understand until this day how he could do this to me . He is the one that ended this relationship but never stopped texting me and saying that he still thinks about me and love me .. We had so much too loose with him breaking up with me and he did it anyways . But now cant seem to be eable to let go of me . Im so so confuse ! Sorry for my bad english im french so trying my best here .

It's normal that you cannot get over it. It's only been two months that you have been detached from him physically, but the emotional bond is still there, as well as the effects of what his abuse did to you. You are not going to magically get over this. It's going to take months, even a year for you to start feeling emotional freedom.

You have to question what about YOU wanted to marry this guy when he was presenting all these red flags? It's funny how we tolerate such treatment and then when it all goes to hell, we turn around and question how could this have happened, how could he treat me this way? The thing is, if he treated you badly during the relationship, why is his behavior to you now surprising?

Of course he can't let you go. He still has an attachment to you, but whatever the attachment is, it's unhealthy and it is toxic. The abuser is seeking his victim. Who cares if he still wants you back? If you do go back, do you think he is going to treat you differently? He will still get into rage, call you names, throw things and make you miserable. There is nothing to be confused about. Just because he is contacting you, it doesn't mean anything. The reality is that he is bad for you and that you need to let him go.

Block him on all forms of communication.

June 3, 2014

Thank you so much for your response Zahara felt good to read this . I know u are 100% right in what u are telling me here but love is sooo blind sometimes . All my familly and friends are asking me how can i still love and care for a jerk like him .. The worse part i dont even have the answer to that question . It's a feeling that i can't describe and that is haunting me like crazy .. I can't stop telling myself that i want him to suffer as much as i am now . But i dont have magic powers lol wish i did sometimes . I just feel like i have lost everything i had my house him etc ...he kept the house to himself cause his down was the one to put the down paiment on it .. Since he left me he has not stop texting me things like: u know im sure your dating prople talk alot i know what you do .. Or stuff like u depend on your parents for everything hmmm sorry but he threw me out the house what was i supplse to do go on the street ? I have the best parents ever they would never let me down .. And some other times it's stuff like : i really am thinking about u alot theses days , i miss you .. That was just this past weekend . And now last night he tells be that he met someone and sometimes do activities with her but is not "seeing" her . But ignores my texts at night .. Im going crazy here and do not know what to do . Im 29 and never lived such a awfull breakup

June 3, 2014

I know u are 100% right in what u are telling me here but love is sooo blind sometimes.All my familly and friends are asking me how can i still love and care for a jerk like him

Yes, love is blind but in order to "unblind" it, you have to remove yourself from what is keeping you in that fog. It is much harder to detach from an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship. You have been conditioned, almost broken down to tolerate and accept being treated poorly. It isn't love that you feel, it's a toxic attachment. Love in the true sense doesn't make you feel this way. But it doesn't change the fact that you have spent nearly two years investing yourself in this man so it's is only natural that you cannot break the attachment right away. He may be a jerk but you created a bond with him. Your family and friends aren't being realistic in that sense, but I also see them doing it in hopes of snapping you out of this. But it doesn't work that way. It's going to take time to unhook yourself from your emotions.

Since he left me he has not stop texting me things like: u know im sure your dating prople talk alot i know what you do .. Or stuff like u depend on your parents for everything hmmm sorry but he threw me out the house what was i supplse to do go on the street ? I have the best parents ever they would never let me down .. And some other times it's stuff like : i really am thinking about u alot theses days , i miss you ..

You need to block him.

That was just this past weekend . And now last night he tells be that he met someone and sometimes do activities with her but is not "seeing" her . But ignores my texts at night .. Im going crazy here and do not know what to do . Im 29 and never lived such a awfull breakup

Please stop disrespecting yourself. The man is an abuser. And you need to stop the cycle and start focusing on healing yourself. Break-ups are awful but keeping yourself in a situation of abuse is even worse. Please stop contact with him and let him go. Not only is he inflicting emotional and mental abuse on you, you're enabling it.

June 3, 2014

Thank you Zahara ! So i dont reply to any of his text ? No matter what he says in them ? It is so hard but i know i need to do this to finally feel happy again . It just hurt to see that he looks like he is doing great and moved on so quickly not even 3 months yet . Like my familly said to me " he can not feel good in all this " he is pretending he is. Or else he would of left me alone a while ago . He likes to know that im hurt cause it makes him feel good . How sick is that :/

June 3, 2014

Thank you Zahara ! So i dont reply to any of his text ? No matter what he says in them ? It is so hard but i know i need to do this to finally feel happy again . It just hurt to see that he looks like he is doing great and moved on so quickly not even 3 months yet . Like my familly said to me " he can not feel good in all this " he is pretending he is. Or else he would of left me alone a while ago . He likes to know that im hurt cause it makes him feel good . How sick is that :/

No, you don't reply to any of his text messages. No matter what he says in his text messages -- YOU CANNOT go back to this man. He is abusive. Unless you want to be in an abusive relationship, then you go back to him. But the objective here is for you to forget, let go, end, disconnect, remove, be done, finalize -- this relationship with him. It's over. There is nothing that is going to change the fact that you cannot have a future with someone that treats you this way.

You have to block him. You WILL NOT be be able to heal and get to being happy if you have contact with him. People like him will never let their victims go. They will torment, gaslight and manipulate because they want to be in control. Just as you said, he likes to see you hurt -- that is why he will not stop trying to hurt you. It gives him control over you.

Please block him.

June 3, 2014

I wish i would of found out about loveshack a month ago ! U have no idea how what your saying is helping me right now . Thank you Zahara !! Knowing he is seeing someone right now stops me from sleeping eating and stuff i really am going crazy cause of that . But i will fallow your advice and block him .

June 3, 2014

I wish i would of found out about loveshack a month ago ! U have no idea how what your saying is helping me right now . Thank you Zahara !! Knowing he is seeing someone right now stops me from sleeping eating and stuff i really am going crazy cause of that . But i will fallow your advice and block him .

I'm glad to be of help to you.

Let him go be with someone else. She's going to suffer the same fate as you. She will not have a prize on her hands. So don't feel as if you've lost, when infact you have won. You've dodged a bullet. Imagine if you married this guy and had children with him and he abused your kids as well. Imagine your kids seeing him call you names. Imagine the fear that your children would feel when he gets into a rage.

This is a blessing, Lizie. You don't see it now but in time you will look back and thank whomever it is that is watching over you, that you got out of this.

June 3, 2014

Oh i know that u are right trust me ! You give some really good advice and im so thankfull for it .. Can't wait to be over him it will feel so good ! And i so hope that he comes back crying one day so i can tell him NO !

June 3, 2014

Oh i know that u are right trust me ! You give some really good advice and im so thankfull for it .. Can't wait to be over him it will feel so good ! And i so hope that he comes back crying one day so i can tell him NO !

And block him!

June 3, 2014

You had "the dream" right in front of you & he yanked it away. That hurt & dissappointment doesn't fade over night

Stay away from him. The dream may have been lovely but the reality of living with a violent, abusive alcoholic is a nightmare.

As for staying strong --- think about the mean things he did & said and how scared you felt when he was punching walls.

June 3, 2014

Thank you donnivain ! He would never drink during the week so im not ready to say that he is an alcoholic but when he did drink strong liquor he would become a totally different person and yep that was when he would call me stupid fat and gees god knows im far from beeing fat . I would cry so bad and he would do nothing about it except tell me i was a big cry baby ..he would scream so hard at me . I cant believe i was still there hoping things would change . I have to say it again love is blind sometimes .

June 4, 2014

Elle1975 i know u are 100% right . Now that we are done and that i refuse to give him what he wants by that i mean " sex and attention " he is blaming me for him meeting other girls and seeing other girls . Listening to him you would think i was the one who lefted him . Last night he told me that he had met a girl and sometimes they see eachother for activities but that he is not "seeing" anyone... I replied to him why do u keep texting and telling me that u miss me and cant stop thinking about me if u have someone else? And he was not responding so i just freaked out and told him i was super hurt to hear all of that and that i could not believe that he was already seeing someone ... That was last night and he never respond . I am so hurt and feel like he is doing this on purpose to make me wonder if he is with her or not ... Im so mixed up it's not even funny i just can't stop having thoes images of him and her ...

June 4, 2014

Sorry to say but he is one crazy man!

I'm sure you are feeling hurt and all now but STAY AWAY FROM HIM! He is NOT good for you! Go NC!! Go NC!!

June 4, 2014

Sorry to say but he is one crazy man!

I'm sure you are feeling hurt and all now but STAY AWAY FROM HIM! He is NOT good for you! Go NC!! Go NC!!

I know ! But it is so hard .. All these images in my head are driving me crazy

June 4, 2014

I know ! But it is so hard .. All these images in my head are driving me crazy

I know it's hard and I know how you're feeling. It feels like the images of things you both went through, the little things you totally forgot suddenly just comes out of nowhere, and you feel like this images are forever going to be embedded in your head like a huge reminder that you love him and miss him.

Although your situation is different then mine, I can honestly tell you this guy... this jerk you were with... is NOT GOOD FOR YOU!

How I deal with it is, whenever I think of the images of him, try to shake it off by listening to songs that empowers you. Something that will make you feel good, something fast that you can sing your heart out.

"The Best Thing I Never Had" from Beyonce helped me especially the first week. Try it, but you have to NC as well. Go NC cos this guy is BAD! And it is written ALL over him.

June 4, 2014

I know ! But it is so hard .. All these images in my head are driving me crazy

Lizie start NC, I know it's hard but theres no other way. Sorry

June 4, 2014

I know ! But it is so hard .. All these images in my head are driving me crazy

Yes, it is hard. Everyone has to go through this. I understand how you feel. I have been cheated on before and it was so hard to handle the images in my head of him and the new girl. But you have to because there is no other way around it.

When those images come, you have to try and talk to yourself rationally. Think about the bad, think about how this woman is going to suffer at his hand, think about how this is a good thing for you, etc. Don't allow yourself to get swallowed in by your panic and anxiety but rather step back, relax, breathe and talk yourself out of your distress.

June 4, 2014

Yes, it is hard. Everyone has to go through this. I understand how you feel. I have been cheated on before and it was so hard to handle the images in my head of him and the new girl. But you have to because there is no other way around it.

When those images come, you have to try and talk to yourself rationally. Think about the bad, think about how this woman is going to suffer at his hand, think about how this is a good thing for you, etc. Don't allow yourself to get swallowed in by your panic and anxiety but rather step back, relax, breathe and talk yourself out of your distress.

I know u guys are right and im really trying to keep it up with the NC . Its gonna be the second day today can't hide from u guys that it is hard . I keep on having thoes dreams about it i just wish i never met him i was such an independant woman before .. I had my own place i felt amazing , i met this guy and everything felt such into place i was madly in love trusted him sold my condo bought a house with him ..and now here i am at 29 back to my parents house cause he threw me out the door ! Im just mad to see that I have lost everything and that him mister still has everything . That part is SO hard on me

I just keep reminding myself that he was NOT good for me . In my first post i dint write everything he did cause im new here and dint know if people would read such a long story .. But just to give you a better idea .. He called me name once in fromt of his parents and mine .. He did a whole in the wall in from of his parents and mine .. It only happend once but once is enough to see how crazy he can be . And in my post when i say that he pushed me to my car the time i caught him in my old house with this girl sitting in the living room . Well just last week he told me " when i was pushing you lizie the only thing i wanted to do was hug you at the same time " hmm ?? What the hell ?? And that "since that day he only wants to grab me in his arms to give me a hug and see me simle" ??? Cause it has been so long in his head ? Im just telling u guys what he told me

Last week ! But now he is in the mood of ignoring me and told me that he met someone but is not "seeing" anyone .. That was monday ! It got me so pissed off so i told him how could u already be ready for this and that i was hurt to see that and stuff well he NEVER replied to my textos monday so now i feel even worse and of course stupid . Usually he would always answer me and now he dosent can't hide that yes it hurts cause now im telling myself he must be crazy in love with that other girl and that is why he is ignoring me . I know what a crazy story im telling over here but i need to let it all out !

June 4, 2014

i just wish i never met him i was such an independant woman before .. I had my own place i felt amazing , i met this guy and everything felt such into place i was madly in love trusted him sold my condo bought a house with him ..and now here i am at 29 back to my parents house cause he threw me out the door ! Im just mad to see that I have lost everything and that him mister still has everything . That part is SO hard on me

Well, now it's time to turn this into a positive. These are things that you can now control. All is not lost because you can still recover from this. Now, imagine being married to, kids in tow and nowhere else to go? A relationship never gives you any guarantees. It's a risk. Everytime you place your heart and soul in another person's hands, you risk being disappointed and hurt. You lost material things in the process, and you can get that back. You lost yourself emotionally and mentally in the process, and you can also get that back. You have to try and stop dwelling on what has happened and one of the ways to do that is take responsibility for allowing yourself to be in a situation that you knew was detrimental to you for so long. Once you stop focusing on him, and start focusing on your part in this, the sooner you can accept that it's done and the only thing to do is to move forward.

But just to give you a better idea .. He called me name once in fromt of his parents and mine .. He did a whole in the wall in from of his parents and mine .. It only happend once but once is enough to see how crazy he can be.

I am sure there were other instances as well but again, you have to question your own part in this because you too are accountable for damaging your wellbeing.

And in my post when i say that he pushed me to my car the time i caught him in my old house with this girl sitting in the living room . Well just last week he told me " when i was pushing you lizie the only thing i wanted to do was hug you at the same time " hmm ?? What the hell ?? And that "since that day he only wants to grab me in his arms to give me a hug and see me simle" ???

It's called manipulation.

Usually he would always answer me and now he dosent can't hide that yes it hurts cause now im telling myself he must be crazy in love with that other girl and that is why he is ignoring me . I know what a crazy story im telling over here but i need to let it all out !

Have you blocked him? I have a feeling you haven't. If so, why haven't you?

June 5, 2014

IAnd in my post when i say that he pushed me to my car the time i caught him in my old house with this girl sitting in the living room . Well just last week he told me " when i was pushing you lizie the only thing i wanted to do was hug you at the same time " hmm ?? What the hell ?? And that "since that day he only wants to grab me in his arms to give me a hug and see me simle" ??? Cause it has been so long in his head ? Im just telling u guys what he told me

This is crazy talk right here! He is pulling you by the string in hopes you will still be wrapped around his fingers. He's trying to manipulate you. Don't fall for it.

And like Zahara says, block him. Go NC. Don't check his social medias - delete him off FB, block him off other medias and don't message or reply or call or pick up his call.

It's not easy to do that especially the first week but you have to. You need to heal.

Sign In

Dont know what to think

Recommended Posts

Lizie29

PhillyConnection23

d0nnivain

Elle1975

Lizie29

Zahara

Lizie29

Zahara

Lizie29

Zahara

Lizie29

Zahara

Lizie29

Zahara

d0nnivain

Lizie29

Lizie29

lovehurtsme91

Lizie29

lovehurtsme91

David87

Zahara

Lizie29

Zahara

lovehurtsme91

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...