Forcing yourself to be into someone

[SunsetWay]

Why on earth would someone force themselves to be into someone they are not?

[iris219]

Out of loneliness/desperation, to get sex, or they are hoping they will start to feel something if they stick with it.

[SunsetWay]

they are hoping they will start to feel something if they stick with it.

 

 

Do you have any idea why someone would do this?

[man_in_the_box]

You've just got four arguments...

 

And if it works out for them - why question it?

[iiiii]

Maybe they really like the person, enjoy their company, and admire them - but aren't sexually attracted to them.

 

I can think of two short relationships I had in my early 20s where I went out with a guy for a few months, because they acted so "into me" and were so persistent and so desperate to go out with me, I thought maybe they really were on to something and I'd become attracted to them. Didn't work, of course.

[ponchsox]

My last rebound/fling lasted two months. She was kinda cute, but chunky, and I wasn't really that into her. She was fun to hang out with and we had some fun dates. She was really into me, I mean super hot for me in the beginning. Once she started to realize I just wasn't in to her (not to mention we weren't compatible) she did a 180 and bolted.

[SolG]

Some don't 'fall in love' and eventually give up on the concept and find someone lovely and attractive who adores them and then marry them. Because that just seems to be what folk do after going out for a suitable amount of time. And they think this is as good as it gets anyway.

 

Some fall in love; passionately and completely. And lose. Then marry 'the next best thing' they can find.

 

These things usually happen to the very young. Who don't fully know themselves. Who naively think that good intentions will be good enough. Their sense of unease about the completeness of their relationships grows as they watch their friends, family and colleagues fall in love and get married, and have marriages so much more attuned and complete than their own.

 

Both try really hard to make their relationships like these others because they genuinely care about their partners. Because they made vows and have a shared history. They try all the things they can to rekindle the flame; but find they can't rekindle something that was never there to begin with.

 

These are the stories of two divorcees I know. They tried to force themselves 'to be into' their partners. But ultimately failed.

[ponchsox]

Some don't 'fall in love' and eventually give up on the concept and find someone lovely and attractive who adores them and then marry them. Because that just seems to be what folk do after going out for a suitable amount of time. And they think this is as good as it gets anyway.

 

Some fall in love; passionately and completely. And lose. Then marry 'the next best thing' they can find.

 

These things usually happen to the very young. Who don't fully know themselves. Who naively think that good intentions will be good enough. Their sense of unease about the completeness of their relationships grows as they watch their friends, family and colleagues fall in love and get married, and have marriages so much more attuned and complete than their own.

 

Both try really hard to make their relationships like these others because they genuinely care about their partners. Because they made vows and have a shared history. They try all the things they can to rekindle the flame; but find they can't rekindle something that was never there to begin with.

 

These are the stories of two divorcees I know. They tried to force themselves 'to be into' their partners. But ultimately failed.

 

Sadly, I think a lot of people settle in marriages out of fear of being alone or getting old. These almost always fail. Women start getting bored and want to hang out with friends, go dancing, and flirt with other guys. Guys feel trapped and end up cheating.

 

Bottom line, I'm not marrying anyone until I find someone that makes my giddy and I cannot wait to see them or stand to be without them. We also have to be on the same page politically, religiously, and financially.

[No Limit]

Money. Almost everyone can be bought, for the right price.

[Waverly]

Because they are married, have kids, a house, a car, a shared history, and because the H doesn't know yet that his wife cheated on him? And because she's trying desperately to figure out whether she can get back "into" her husband?

 

(Sorry, possible that I'm projecting a bit here.)

 

In all seriousness though, the question isn't always that simple. I love my husband, and I always have. But was it ever the all-consuming passionate love? Nope, not even close. I knew my husband for four years in college and never once even considered dating him. We re-connected through friends about five years later and hey, he was safe and nice and it was comfortable. Having been burned a few times at that point, I figured that was a pretty darn good deal. (Oh, and then I screwed it all up.)

[SunsetWay]

Thanks everyone! Your feedback has been quite insightful and has helped broaden my perspective.

 

I have been at both ends of the settling spectrum. When I posted it was in regards to my situation of be settled for. Your feedback has reminded me that, in essence, I settled for an ex once upon a time too. It didn't work out, obviously. That was when I was young and didn't know any better.

 

In my last relationship I was the one who was settled for and for the life of me I can't understand why someone would waste my precious time deceiving me. Instinctively I knew something wasn't right but I was told I was crazy, literally. But, the truth came out in the end.

 

If you are not into someone don't deceive them and waste their love, time and energy (or yours for that matter). It more than likely will not work out anyway.

 

That's my personal opinion.