JRico Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Hi, A little explanations of my story: Im 28 YO, my gf (same) of 1.5years dumped me 50 days ago (15 april), after 10 days of trying to be friends i went nc. No begging, no pleading just a talk a week after the break where she began to cry and told me the "Love you but not in love with you right now"... well, 3 days later saw some photos on facebook of her partying and told her i couldnt be her friend right now and needed some time without her in my life. Its been 40 days now and Im much better than i was back then... Passed my exams to join College next september, im runing, going to the gym, partying, meeting new people etc. The thing is, I can imagine my future without her and being happy but i still want her in it...not necesarily as a GF, i guess time will heal that. Well, to the point. June 15 there's a race in memory of her brother who died in an accident a month after we began dating... should i go? It would be hi and 2 kisses to her and her family (who always treated me great), run the race with some friends that are going, and go home. Other thing is, in July 12 we have a common weding, full weekend in a hotel, so i will have to see her anyways a month after the race.. any advice? Thanks for everything!
Jay77098 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 My advice: Don't drink too much at the wedding. If you do, stay away from your ex. FAR away. Nothing good will come from the combination of alcohol and an ex. 1
Author JRico Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 Hahahah, thanks for the advice.. will be a long weekend What about her brother's memorial? Any advice?
lop98 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I don't think you should go to the race. The relationship, with all the social duties it involved, is over and regardless of going there as any other friend, it would be healthier if you start letting go of that connection. Trust me, a lot of people say "should I wish happy birthday or not?" and this is the same, it has nothing to do with her, the amount of times you'll see her afterwards or how you appear to others or how important this event was for her, you have to let go for your own good. The wedding is trickier, just try to be there for your friends and preferably avoid her.
lovehurtsme91 Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 Oh, you got dumped 4 days before me. Sorry to hear that. My advice would be similar to Jay which is no drinking a lot. As for the brother's memorial, I do believe that maybe you could go for it if you are ready to see her and her family. If not, maybe you could just send your apologies that you could not make it out of courtesy as you yourself say that in time, you wish to be friends with her. I guess you would really have to evaluate how you are personally are and if you are ready to do it.
Author JRico Posted June 4, 2014 Author Posted June 4, 2014 Sorry for you too lovehurts, the fact of going would be due to respect yes, i dont even think i could go back with here since I always have a hard time trusting someone to even let myself feel something for them... and i dont trust her like that anymore. I understand why people tells me to go full NC so i can heal, but the truth is, as i said, Im not angry at her.. really apreciate the strenght that it requires to do what she has done... and I dont want to be with someone that isn't in love with me, even if it hurts. I guess i will decide about it the same day of the race, set the alarm clock, get up and depending on how i feel go or send a text.
bluenote Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 I think you are a little bit defeatist, in that you want to be friends with her. Right now it will seem pretentious, as you say you still love her and want her, will it be enough for you to leave everything at just being friends, don't think so. It will also not help you in any way even to heal if you atend the race, might be that you want to use it as excuse to see her again and look for attention or find some sympathy from her. Its perhaps better for you to stay away from her and avoid contact, even physical anything for a real long while untill you are undoubtelly sure that you are ready for it. To want to see her and to want to be friends with her is confusingly understandable, and the opposite is dificult and unimaginable which is also the reason why you must do it. 1
stillfiguringitallou Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 I am going to disagree with others here (I know such a shocker) I'm going to say if it means something to YOU to go to the race ... you should go. If you're going because it means something to HER ... then don't. 1
Author JRico Posted June 14, 2014 Author Posted June 14, 2014 Well, the race is tomorrow and, after questioning myself how would i feel if i see her with other guy or simply after seeing all her family again, I've decided im not going to the race. My sister is her friend and is going to go so I've told her to give them our best wishes and a hug from our family, not me. Thanks for all the help, now i need to keep improving myself and getting stronger so i can go to the damn weding and not step back hah
AnyaNova Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 Hi, A little explanations of my story: Im 28 YO, my gf (same) of 1.5years dumped me 50 days ago (15 april), after 10 days of trying to be friends i went nc. No begging, no pleading just a talk a week after the break where she began to cry and told me the "Love you but not in love with you right now"... well, 3 days later saw some photos on facebook of her partying and told her i couldnt be her friend right now and needed some time without her in my life. Its been 40 days now and Im much better than i was back then... Passed my exams to join College next september, im runing, going to the gym, partying, meeting new people etc. The thing is, I can imagine my future without her and being happy but i still want her in it...not necesarily as a GF, i guess time will heal that. Well, to the point. June 15 there's a race in memory of her brother who died in an accident a month after we began dating... should i go? It would be hi and 2 kisses to her and her family (who always treated me great), run the race with some friends that are going, and go home. Other thing is, in July 12 we have a common weding, full weekend in a hotel, so i will have to see her anyways a month after the race.. any advice? Thanks for everything! My advice, don't go to the race. Give yourself more time to heal before attempting the wedding which is less optional. If you live in a small enough community that your lack of presence there could cause offense to others in the community, then perhaps send a friend with well-wishes to you. But I think that at this point going to the race is going to risk hurting you and setting you back (frankly the wedding is too, but if you've got a friend getting married, you really should be there if you can at all possibly be!)
Author JRico Posted June 15, 2014 Author Posted June 15, 2014 Well, i have not gone to the race and it is being a little hard... have that anxiety feeling inside. Not even close to how i felt first two weeks of the break up but its not being easy... today its exactly 2 months since break up too... just needed to vent a little.. dont want to get my family bored hah PS: 6 weeks NC already!
Author JRico Posted July 1, 2014 Author Posted July 1, 2014 Well, just to update a little. I've decided I'm not going to the wedding either. 3 days ago i called the bride, explained everything and gave my best wishes. She understood. The truth is, even when i miss her so much, i dont think anything good can come from meeting her again and she hasn't made any attempt to contact so... its better this way. 2 months full nc now!
Reels Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 40 days are less, you need to wait for months, you will have better ideas than you are having right now.
Author JRico Posted July 1, 2014 Author Posted July 1, 2014 Oh, 40 days is 20 days ago hah, its not much more but i just updated here instead of opening a new thread
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