saltyfishhead666 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 This really doesn't need a reply, I realise how daft I am however I need to put it down somewhere because it's bugging me. Met a chap online, we had a first date, things were going great and we basically had "the talk" that we weren't a couple however were only dating eachother at least for now. He kept saying things like "why would I look elsewhere when I've got you" and me being me took this at face value. Well yesterday I mentioned I was deleting my pof account and a few hours later went on to do so. However when I went on pof showed him online. I wasn't impressed, as obviously I was under the impression we had something and neither of us were partaking in multiple dating. So me being me mentioned it, and explained that I thought that we were exclusively dating eachother. To which I got back "I only checked my mails it's not like I got married" I said okie dokie that's fine, if you want to do that then go for it. He doesn't understand why I'm peeved and I don't understand why he doesn't get it. We've not spoken since which is irking me, and I'm at the point in my mind that I'm just thinking why should I back down and message you. When you said one thing and did the complete opposite. Like I said this really doesn't need a reply, I'm just having a vent!
mammasita Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Oh the infamous "I'm only checking my mails"........ 2
Author saltyfishhead666 Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 Oh the infamous "I'm only checking my mails"........ Uh huh
J21 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I understand your sentiments, but I think discussing that on the first date and expecting him to close his account too was a bit much? You hardly know him, and vice versa.
Keenly Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Didn't you start off your post by explaining how you aren't exclusive?
Gaeta Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I am curious why you trapped yourself in being exclusive on a first date? Don't you feel you should check if he is worthy of exclusivity first? 1
serial muse Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 (edited) Didn't you start off your post by explaining how you aren't exclusive? No, she said they agreed they were only dating each other. I wasn't a multidater and so I can understand wanting to just focus on one person at a time, and if you have that discussion with somebody and they agree, wanting to take that at face value. And he shouldn't say things like "why would I look elsewhere when I've got you" and then, you know, look elsewhere. That said, one date isn't really enough to know whether a person is straightforward or not about stuff like that; probably to soon to bother having an "exclusivity" talk IMO, because it's kind of meaningless at this point. Edited June 3, 2014 by serial muse 1
Author saltyfishhead666 Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 No, she said they agreed they were only dating each other. I wasn't a multidater and so I can understand wanting to just focus on one person at a time, and if you have that discussion with somebody and they agree, wanting to take that at face value. And he shouldn't say things like "why would I look elsewhere when I've got you" and then, you know, look elsewhere. That said, one date isn't really enough to know whether a person is straightforward or not about stuff like that; probably to soon to bother having an "exclusivity" talk IMO, because it's kind of meaningless at this point. Like I said we said we were not exclusively a couple, however we were exclusively dating only eachother. I didn't ask nor make any comment about him deleting his account, i simply expected him not to be actively on it lol! That discussion was started by him, he ended that discussion too. But I am perfectly happy to exclusively date one person until I figure out or they do) If we are a good match. If not then there isn't any harm done. I never did understand multiple dating. I would rather get to know one person properly rather than a few and not much. I guess I'm a little old school.
Gaeta Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Like I said we said we were not exclusively a couple, however we were exclusively dating only eachother. What the heck does that mean? I think I know what he's doing. So, he will only date you for a while but he will continue being online making contact with other women in case it doesn't work with you. He will tell these other women that he just met someone but he is open to being friends with them while he explores things with you. This man has not put an expiration date on your dating but almost. 1
writergal Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Uh, exclusively a couple IS exclusively dating only each other. Maybe the problem here is that neither of you actually understands what exclusive means? This is exactly what I detest about online dating and dating multiple people at the same time. All the mind games, the lying...it's too much. Like I said we said we were not exclusively a couple, however we were exclusively dating only eachother. I didn't ask nor make any comment about him deleting his account, i simply expected him not to be actively on it lol! That discussion was started by him, he ended that discussion too. But I am perfectly happy to exclusively date one person until I figure out or they do) If we are a good match. If not then there isn't any harm done. I never did understand multiple dating. I would rather get to know one person properly rather than a few and not much. I guess I'm a little old school.
Author saltyfishhead666 Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 Well to me it simply means I am dating only him until it either turns into a relationship or it doesn't. Either way, I'm one of those people that try and take people at face value. That is my downfall and why I'm pissed at myself. It's one habit I need to break. As for him? I have no idea what he thinks any form of exclusivity is. Maybe exclusivity means have one girl not dating anyone else while he dates his entire town lol!
irresolute Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 You scared him to hell. One date and you deleted your pof profile??? Seriously? You sound desperate doing this! I think you can now forget about this guy: you and him: not gonna happen.
serial muse Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Well to me it simply means I am dating only him until it either turns into a relationship or it doesn't. Either way, I'm one of those people that try and take people at face value. That is my downfall and why I'm pissed at myself. It's one habit I need to break. As for him? I have no idea what he thinks any form of exclusivity is. Maybe exclusivity means have one girl not dating anyone else while he dates his entire town lol! Yeah, that's why it's too soon to have that talk (and I'm kind of not surprised that he initiated it; sounds like he wanted to "lock you in" while he looked around). Obviously people define such things differently; while he adhered to the "letter of the law" so to speak (I wasn't going on dates, I was just looking!), it's the spirit of the law that you don't see eye to eye on. And you can't know what a person really thinks and feels about such things without more time together/conversation under your belt. 1
Author saltyfishhead666 Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 You scared him to hell. One date and you deleted your pof profile??? Seriously? You sound desperate doing this! I think you can now forget about this guy: you and him: not gonna happen. I was already intending to delete it before I even met him (which he knew) However, I am forgetting this guy anyway. I don't want someone who tells me one thing and does another. 2
Gaeta Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I was already intending to delete it before I even met him (which he knew) However, I am forgetting this guy anyway. I don't want someone who tells me one thing and does another. An advice for the future. When a man wants to lock you down in an exclusive relationship on a first date say no. By saying yes so fast to a stranger you are devaluing yourself. You are no more an intrigue to him and cease to be a challenge. In the dating world those very first moments of wonders, mysteries, the not knowing, the excitement of the unknown, are very important. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Obviously he is keeping his doors open. He may be only dating you for the moment, but it doesn't sound as though he meant that he isn't still looking. Did he actually say he wasn't intending on dating others in the future? Picking apart semantics, perhaps, but apparently you and he understand exclusivity quite differently. And I agree with the others - one date is far too fast for this kind of talk.
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