Ex and I getting close - Dealing with thoughts of her with another

[RideZiLightning]

4 year relationship and we have a 2 year old daughter. We split for numerous reasons. I was the issue. She was never at fault

 

She immediately started talking to some guy in a different state she had met, sent him nudes, talked about visiting, etc...

 

Well, she figured out (finally) that it was way too soon and she doesn't want to be a person that needs validation constantly. Before now, she had always been very loving and loyal. I was the issue BIG TIME. I've come a long way and certainly got my act together

 

Now, we are spending time together and get physical sometimes. She says she actually has hope for us. She wants to keep the physical out of the equation, to make sure she really wants to be with me and have a life together. Not just out of comfort and familiarity

 

I'm all for it. We can take whatever pace necessary

 

But! How do I not think about this guy who has now seen her and talked with her about this garbage? It's eating me up. And I am really hurt that she moved on so quickly. Like, within a week. I know I want us to be a family and that before now she has been incredible. I just have this nagging voice in the back of my mind telling me it won't ever be the same. That I can't trust her

[DKT3]

It maybe because parts of you don't believe its started after with this other guy. It can be hard for us men (ego wise) to face being cheated on, on any level. Sounds to me like your gut is telling you she was cheating and talking to this guy before the relationship ended.

[RideZiLightning]

It maybe because parts of you don't believe its started after with this other guy. It can be hard for us men (ego wise) to face being cheated on, on any level. Sounds to me like your gut is telling you she was cheating and talking to this guy before the relationship ended.

 

No, she didn't start until after we had split. I had cheated on her about 8 months prior and it blew up in my face. The break up was a long time coming

[PhillyConnection23]

No, she didn't start until after we had split. I had cheated on her about 8 months prior and it blew up in my face. The break up was a long time coming

 

Guys need to get over the fact that their partner was sexually active with another man.

 

You cheated on your partner with another woman while you were together. She was sharing photos and having a conversation with someone while you were broken up. Deal with it.

 

Having some type of double standard in your relationship isn't going to make it healthy or successful.

[RideZiLightning]

Guys need to get over the fact that their partner was sexually active with another man.

 

You cheated on your partner with another woman while you were together. She was sharing photos and having a conversation with someone while you were broken up. Deal with it.

 

Having some type of double standard in your relationship isn't going to make it healthy or successful.

 

Who is having a double standard? I already know what I did was wrong, and will never do that again

 

I'm just asking for advice on how to not think about what she has been doing

[somegoodman]

 

Now, we are spending time together and get physical sometimes. She says she actually has hope for us. She wants to keep the physical out of the equation, to make sure she really wants to be with me and have a life together. Not just out of comfort and familiarity

 

Yeah...no. She wants to keep the physical out of the equation because she doesn't feel the same desire she once did for you. Her feelings aren't going to return by proxy so don't even try it.

 

As far as the other guy, it will always haunt you. You know deep in your bio mechanical primal soul that it isn't right to commit to a woman after she's been splayed by another man. It is a natural instinctive aversion and it exists for a reason: to prevent you from ruining yourself.

[RideZiLightning]

Yeah... No

 

We've been having sex a couple times a week, mostly with her initiating it

 

I don't doubt that she wants to actually try and keep it nonphysical, to see if we actually have an attraction beyond sex. That was essentially all our past relationship was, sex and fighting.

[Mcnulty]

She's dipped her toes in the water with another guy to maybe get even with you and to seek validation that she is desired by another.

 

Hard to not let it get to you and take it personally i know, but she now wants to see you and maybe be with you...she's come back to you in a sense...hopefully. Try to take a step back and rationalize what I said in the above.