Chowmian Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I'm sure this has been a thread elsewhere but i'm still gonna throw it out So this happened on two occasion. been out with this girl several times and how we've handle the check is that i would pay for dinner and i would offer to let her pay for drinks or dessert after wards. A month back when i asked this girl out for dinner she insisted that she pays for the check since i've paid on several occasions already (guess she doesn't want to feel owned by me?) and being a (what i thought)gentlemen, i didn't want to argue with her and allowed her to do so cause i promised her before the dinner. Then two weeks ago when we were suppose to meet up, she messed up her schedule and had to re-schedule our dinner, but she said that she would treat me for the next meal since it was her fault. Lunch happened and when i returned from the restroom after dinner the check has been settled. Do people think this means she values this "thing" we have? or just friendzoned? 1
guest572 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Dont overthink it. I dont think it means either of those things, she is just a 21st century woman . If I were her i guess i would feel awkward about not having payed the first few times. I am similar, i like to keep things equal 4
todreaminblue Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 with good guys idate i like them to know i am not a woman who expects a guy to pay for me....for the questionable guys i date it lets them know dessert isnt guaranteed at all......i dont mind going dutch i just think meals are so expensive these days its not polite to not offer and pay for meals...... i dont do it to friendzone guys i date...it just makes me feel like part of the date and not a burden or the opposite where expectations wont be fulfilled....repeat dates are actually good so are promises made to shout dinners from either men or women......deb...............
David87 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 It means nothing. Look when I go out on a date I offer to pay but if the girl insists on paying for her share I don't argue. 1
HappyLove Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I think the only thing you should be worried about is if she's accepting dates with you or not and it looks like she is so don't worry! 2
iiiii Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 If she wants to pay half the time, nothing wrong with that. Letting her pay all the time wouldn't be particularly attractive though. I know with myself, I only allow a guy to pay for my meal if I really like and trust him - because then I figure I'm avoiding that messy sense of obligation (on either of our parts). It may not be rational to equate paying with a meal with owing the payer something in return, but feelings aren't always rational, and they can still affect our behavior. Perhaps she feels the same way, and she won't let you pay (or at least won't let you pay more than 50% of the time) until she's decided to stick with you?
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 (edited) I think you're over thinking this actually. Unless you're one of those guys that HAS to pay for every meal to inflate your ego, then tell her straight up that you really enjoy taking care of the bill when you take her out. If you're not offended by her paying from time to time, then enjoy it but be sure that she knows you're grateful for her generosity (as I hope she is with you). People just like to be appreciated at the end of the day. At the same time, I wouldn't go on forever letting her swoop up and pay all the bills as she might come to resent it just as I'm sure you would as well. In this day and age, taking turns paying for the tab shouldn't be anything to lose sleep over. I think it shows respect and appreciation for one's time and money. I also think it shows that you don't take anything or anyone for granted. How hard to we hate people who take us for granted or just expect things from us after all? I think this girl is into you big time otherwise she wouldn't bother to help carry the financial burden that goes hand-in-hand with dating. Enjoy! Edited June 3, 2014 by Michelle ma Belle
PegNosePete Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 When a woman pays for a date I take it as a huge compliment, that she is prepared to invest in me, and also shows that she values a balanced, equal relationship. A good sign for our future together. 4
TheBladeRunner Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I think it's cool when you can take turns paying. The ones that drive me nuts are the woman that don't ever even pretend to try to pay. This day and age many of my female friends do this as well, split the check or take turns paying. 1
d0nnivain Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 She doesn't see you as a meal ticket. It has nothing to do with how she feels about you. She's trying to show you that she does not date based on what men can buy her. There are dozens of men here on LS who will probanly ask you for her contact info if things don't work out becuase they feel used by women who seem to feel entitled to free food & drink
MalachiX Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I like when a girl offers to pay. To me, it means she's not all that interested in out-dated gender roles and wants to have an equal relationship. I always try to pay for the first date (because I think it's polite and since I asked her out in the first place) but I don't throw a fuss if she wants to split it. On early dates, I try to be subtle and grab the check without her realizing it. After a few times however, I think it's fair that we try to each put in our share of meals and other activities. Sometimes we split the bill or sometimes we just take turns treating each other. Having one person pay all the time creates an inequality that I don't think is particularly good for a relationship. I want to be able to treat my girlfriend well and pick up the tab when I know she might be a little strapped for cash. I also want to occasionally get her a surprise gift when she's not expecting it. I'd like to be able to do these things to show I care not because it's expected/required.
Phoe Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 It doesn't "mean" anything in particular, she just likes to treat sometimes. It's a nice thing to do. 2
Ruby Slippers Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I agree that if she continues to go on dates with you, you're good. At different times in my life, I've been more stringent or laid-back about paying on dates, when progressing to something more serious. It had more to do with my own perspective at the time than my feelings about the guy. In my 20s, I was more insistent about paying because I didn't want to feel any sense of obligation. Now in my 30s I seem to be finding more old-school, traditional guys who are more conservative and protective of their image and don't feel right letting the woman pay while on a date. So I don't push the matter, but pick up expenses when we're not in the public eye. Are you being flirty, touchy? Have you kissed her yet? 1
guest572 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 When a woman pays for a date I take it as a huge compliment, that she is prepared to invest in me, and also shows that she values a balanced, equal relationship. A good sign for our future together. I wouldn't see it as such at all. Dating as an investment doesn't sound very romantic! For me its just a matter of sharing and not feeling guilty about getting lots of free meals
readynow Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 I'll be the first to say total opposite of every one here... I could never pay - not even pretend to or offer to pay - on the first few dates. If I offered to go dutch, it's because I like the guy just as a friend so I'll do just as I do with my friends. It also means I want to keep hanging out as friends. If I offered to pay ALL of it, it means I'm not interested at all in the man romantically. Of course when the relationship has progressed and we both 'agree' that this is going somewhere, I can cook, swoop in and pay, buy tickets before hand etc Yeah, just though I'd let the OP see the other kinds of women-paying behavior.
Author Chowmian Posted June 4, 2014 Author Posted June 4, 2014 Thanks for all the feedbacks i am lucky enough to not find it a financial burden (and the lady knows it too)to take care of the checks, so my guess is that the girl doesn't do it out of hoping it will ease my financial burdens. It's great to hear opinions from both ends of the spectrum, obviously i would hope that she is interested somewhat thus contributing financially in hopes that i don't find her as just another girl who eats free haha P.S for the person that asked, no there has been no physical touching or kissing at any point yet, i am more of a traditional man, so i like to show enough respect and not get touchy untill she acknowledges a concrete relationship.
drdre Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Thanks for all the feedbacks i am lucky enough to not find it a financial burden (and the lady knows it too)to take care of the checks, so my guess is that the girl doesn't do it out of hoping it will ease my financial burdens. It's great to hear opinions from both ends of the spectrum, obviously i would hope that she is interested somewhat thus contributing financially in hopes that i don't find her as just another girl who eats free haha P.S for the person that asked, no there has been no physical touching or kissing at any point yet, i am more of a traditional man, so i like to show enough respect and not get touchy until she acknowledges a concrete relationship. The only time I worry about a girl insisting on paying is on the first date or two. I appreciate it when they offer but if they absolutely insist on paying, I take it as a sign of "not wanting to 'owe' me anything". In your case, you sound fine. She offered to pay since she canceled and she kept her word. She seems like a good one (or at least she is off to a good start). On another note, while I respect that you are a gentleman and you like to wait on getting physical, I would warn about waiting too long on making some sort of move (a good night kiss for example) and making her think YOU are not interested.
TXGuy Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 (edited) I'm sure this has been a thread elsewhere but i'm still gonna throw it out So this happened on two occasion. been out with this girl several times and how we've handle the check is that i would pay for dinner and i would offer to let her pay for drinks or dessert after wards. A month back when i asked this girl out for dinner she insisted that she pays for the check since i've paid on several occasions already (guess she doesn't want to feel owned by me?) and being a (what i thought)gentlemen, i didn't want to argue with her and allowed her to do so cause i promised her before the dinner. Then two weeks ago when we were suppose to meet up, she messed up her schedule and had to re-schedule our dinner, but she said that she would treat me for the next meal since it was her fault. Lunch happened and when i returned from the restroom after dinner the check has been settled. Do people think this means she values this "thing" we have? or just friendzoned? That means she is a keeper. At least one to take seriously. This one actually walks the walk when it comes to approximating some type of equality. It is not a bad sign at all. It is a sign she likes and respects you. Edited June 5, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
SkyLex Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 I think she just doesn't to feel that she's a liability to you..like you always pay for both of your expenses. just give her a chance to contribute too. she initiates it anyway, so it's fine.
Els Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Stop overanalysing! If you like her, keep going out with her, see how it turns out.
FitChick Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 I date men who make far more money than I do so they usually pay for everything. However, I generally try to leave the tip or pay for dessert or drinks if we go somewhere later. I don't believe in matching someone dollar for dollar. It's the gesture that counts. The only time I paid for a date's dinner as well as mine was when I was on holiday overseas and a man invited me to the theatre. He bought the tickets so I wanted to reciprocate and send a clear message this was just a pleasant way for us both to spend an evening.
musemaj11 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 The amount a man pays is in accordance to the difference of physical attraction between him and the woman. The less physical attraction a woman has for a man, the more he has to spend money on her to raise her attraction. A fat old man for example cannot expect a young beautiful woman to ever spend a single penny on a date or even in an entire relationship. So if a woman willingly invests in you financially as much as you do then that means the attraction is mutual. She is attracted to you as much as you are attracted to her. She is a keeper. 1
SunnySide0418 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Thanks for all the feedbacks i am lucky enough to not find it a financial burden (and the lady knows it too)to take care of the checks, so my guess is that the girl doesn't do it out of hoping it will ease my financial burdens. It's great to hear opinions from both ends of the spectrum, obviously i would hope that she is interested somewhat thus contributing financially in hopes that i don't find her as just another girl who eats free haha P.S for the person that asked, no there has been no physical touching or kissing at any point yet, i am more of a traditional man, so i like to show enough respect and not get touchy untill she acknowledges a concrete relationship. If you're a traditional man why do you let her pay at all? I think at the beginning of a relationship the man should pay.
guest572 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 The amount a man pays is in accordance to the difference of physical attraction between him and the woman. The less physical attraction a woman has for a man, the more he has to spend money on her to raise her attraction. A fat old man for example cannot expect a young beautiful woman to ever spend a single penny on a date or even in an entire relationship. So if a woman willingly invests in you financially as much as you do then that means the attraction is mutual. She is attracted to you as much as you are attracted to her. She is a keeper. Well, maybe some women think this way. I certainly dont. Maybe this is some sort of cultural thing. Money is nothing to do with the level of romance or attraction.
musemaj11 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Well, maybe some women think this way. I certainly dont. Maybe this is some sort of cultural thing. Money is nothing to do with the level of romance or attraction. Financial status is a big factor in a man's attractiveness for women. This is a fact. A study shows that a physically unattractive man gets rated much higher physically by women when he is perceived as a multimillionaire than as an average joe.
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