aloneinTX Posted February 12, 2005 Posted February 12, 2005 DH left several weeks ago. He had been promised by OW that she would be leaving soon. In fact before I knew of the affair, OW told DH that she had her bags packed and ready to leave at a moments notice. There are a lot of places OW could go till she got on her feet. Now OW is telling DH that she is looking for her own place instead of staying with someone. DH lives for every word and believes it all. Is he being played for a fool. There are many places for rent, ready to move in now, always an excuse why that place won't work. Seems she has more reasons to stay at home then move out.
SoleMate Posted February 12, 2005 Posted February 12, 2005 Is he being played for a fool? Yes. But nobody can tell him that, he has to figure it out for himself. If you want to save your marriage - and there may be lots of good reasons to do so - please check out <URL removed> They have very specific advice on how to deal with currently cheating spouses and encourage them to come back home.
Author aloneinTX Posted February 12, 2005 Author Posted February 12, 2005 Thank you, my problem is that DH won't work on the marriage till he proves OW is in love and has been telling him the truth.
StillHurtin Posted February 12, 2005 Posted February 12, 2005 I am sorry you are dealing w/ this. If he isn't willing to work on the M and let go of the OW then why are you still w/ him? Maybe you need to kick him out of the house and tell him he can't come back until he wants to end it w/ the OW and work on your M. What a jerk! I know what it's like, my H also had an A and I kicked him out of the house and didn't care I did. It was hard but it was harder to hear that he was messing around.
Author aloneinTX Posted February 13, 2005 Author Posted February 13, 2005 DH left weeks ago, now he is waiting on OW to do her part by moving out. This was the affair where the OW's H knew about it and encouraged it. Now she is hiding contact with my H from her H. Seems like more sex was happening when the OW's H knew of the affair.
StillHurtin Posted February 14, 2005 Posted February 14, 2005 Originally posted by aloneinTX DH left weeks ago, now he is waiting on OW to do her part by moving out. This was the affair where the OW's H knew about it and encouraged it. Now she is hiding contact with my H from her H. Seems like more sex was happening when the OW's H knew of the affair.
StillHurtin Posted February 14, 2005 Posted February 14, 2005 Originally posted by aloneinTX DH left weeks ago, now he is waiting on OW to do her part by moving out. This was the affair where the OW's H knew about it and encouraged it. Now she is hiding contact with my H from her H. Seems like more sex was happening when the OW's H knew of the affair. Sorry, I am a little confused here. So, your H moved out and is waiting for the OW to move out away from her H. Her H doesn't care that his W is having an A w/ your H and even encourages it? Why in the world would he encourage her to be w/ another man, and even wanting her to move out to be w/ him? Sounds like this OW just likes having him on the side for a little fun in the sack but doesn't want to leave her H. Is that right?
Author aloneinTX Posted February 14, 2005 Author Posted February 14, 2005 The A stated with the OW's H knowing. Now it seems my H & OW are hiding it from her H. OW tells my H that she is leaving, yada yada yada. She has yet to prove anything (saying she is leaving, they will be together 4 ever, yada again) and my H is now beginning to think he is being played for a fool. Maybe it is just the other couples lifestyle
StillHurtin Posted February 14, 2005 Posted February 14, 2005 He must have a fetish for his W sleeping w/ another man. As for her leaving, I don't think she is ready to and your H is going to waitfor a long time, or maybe forever. Does he want to stay M to you and still see this OW or has he told you the M is over?
Erika2610 Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 Why are you still with him or waiting for him? Coming from an ex 'other woman'.. he will do it to you again.
StillHurtin Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 Originally posted by Erika2610 Why are you still with him or waiting for him? Coming from an ex 'other woman'.. he will do it to you again. I agree, why are you still w/ him? Are you waiting for him to come back to you on HIS terms? I don't understand why you are even concerned about the OW "toying" w/ your H. Are you wanting your H to be happy w/ this OW and her "toying" w/ him makes you upset b/c she is not making up her mind about leaving? Sorry if I am way off base on that one. I don't agree that once a cheater, always a cheater. Ppl make mistakes and dumb ones at that but I don't believe everyone makes that same mistake again. If he really regrets having and A and wants to work on the M and make it work then he wont do it again. I can't guarantee that.
Author aloneinTX Posted February 16, 2005 Author Posted February 16, 2005 I don't know why I am waiting I guess because I really do love him. H will have to see this out before he comes back. His own words "I don't want a ghost in bed with us", so I guess that would be his own terms. So far he is not ready to end the M. Can't say how long I will wait
StillHurtin Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 So, he isn't ready to end the M but he has moved out and waiting for the OW to do the same? I am sorry you are going through this. I know how hard it is. When my H had an A I kicked him out. The OW left her H a week later but she owned her own house. H did not move in w/ her either. After our children got out of school I moved out of our home we owned and he moved back in so he had no intentions of moving in w/ the OW anytime soon, if ever, b/c we got back 2gether. If you H doesn't want the M to end then why is he still w/ the OW? He isn't willing to let that go either is he? GL, I hope everything works out for you.
StillHurtin Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 Originally posted by Feeling Lonely what does DH and OW mean? DH means "dear husband, darling husband" or sometimes for me it's "dickhead Husband." lol OW mean "Other Woman"
Lil Honey Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 This sounds like a soap opera or a Springer show. Alone in Tx: Why are you so willing to be his second choice? If he is gone to play house with someone else, it sounds like it a good time to do something good for YOU, like finding out why you dislike yourself enough to wait for him. Your husband has no consequences for his actions (unless he gets a disease or gets her PG). Your waiting for him is quite a bit like the OW's husband encouraging her. It's like it's no big deal to anyone, so that makes it okay. *shrugging*
Author aloneinTX Posted February 17, 2005 Author Posted February 17, 2005 I don't know why I wait other then out of Love. I know till this plays out (till he see's the real her) if I wait then I don't have a choice. However with each passing day I feel better about being alone.
lainey Posted February 22, 2005 Posted February 22, 2005 AloneinTX, Maybe I missed the info, but how long has this been going on? I was in an affair where my MM and I were going to leave our spouses for each other. I thought my MM was everything I was looking for. My husband, at the time, was hurt and confused. He asked me to move out and we stayed the course for the divorce. Now reality was setting in. When it came down to it, my MM and I were put into a situation where the affair was becoming a relationship. We could no longer hide in "our little world" of the affair. I was out of the house, divorced, and he separated from his wife. To sum it up, I started to see him for who he really was and that he was treating me poorly because he really didn't know what he wanted. He played me and his wife. The grass always looks greener on the other side. I regret so many things. The affair ended nearly 6 months ago and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about what a mess I made out of my life and the pain I have caused my ex-H. Your H seems to be confused by the OW's actions. She says one thing, but never follows through. He needs to make a decision. At some point he will wake up and realize what he has done. Once the affair has ended, and it will, be sure there is NO CONTACT between the two of them and I highly recommend counseling. They say those marriages that can survive an affair, end up stronger and more fulfilling. I am so sorry you are going through this. Take care of yourself.
Author aloneinTX Posted February 22, 2005 Author Posted February 22, 2005 Thanks lainey for some good solid advice H left about 2 months ago. Seems H & OW pushed each others buttons and have called it quits. They both blamed each other for being unhappy and causing problems Now H and I are trying to work on our M, seems to be going fine. Taking it 1 day at a time.
Recommended Posts