missmiss123 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 I've never had a boyfriend like this before, he will regularly check out girls in front of me, most of the time he will say 'oh she has a great butt', 'she's hot' or 'daaamn' something along those lines. He knows that this makes me uncomfortable. Most of the times, I try to ignore it, but sometimes I just get really pissed off. Is this something I should just be able to accept because it's just who he is? He says all guys do it, he's just honest. i.e. this morning I was asking if he talks to one of his colleagues, and he just says 'not often but damn she has a good body for her age' and I was like wtf, I don't want to know that.... I just want to know, am I overreacting or too emotional? Is this behavior normal and should be tolerated? I'm thinking I should just let it go through one ear and out the other....
J21 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 It's a disrespectful comment to make about the person and disrespectful to make such a comment in front of the girl friend. I would never say such a thing. Sometimes guys can't help take a quick glance ie: Let's say a girl with big boobs and low cleavage walks by. A quick glance can be akin to a knee jerk reaction. But I wouldn't gawk or stare while she walks by, that's classless. Yes, if it bothers you talk to him about it. 5
pteromom Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Try doing the same thing, but about hot guys. Maybe that will show him what it feels like. 5
Author missmiss123 Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 It's a disrespectful comment to make about the person and disrespectful to make such a comment in front of the girl friend. I would never say such a thing. Sometimes guys can't help take a quick glance ie: Let's say a girl with big boobs and low cleavage walks by. A quick glance can be akin to a knee jerk reaction. But I wouldn't gawk or stare while she walks by, that's classless. Yes, if it bothers you talk to him about it. Yeah I know, but he makes it so obvious and it happens all the time. He just says it's who he is and he can't help it. Many other people in this situation? Should I really not worry, as it's just looking/talking and NOT touching?
preraph Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I have been buddies with guys who definitely did that, and vice versa. I can only tell you it pretty much kills any chance of romance in the future once someone initiates that "freedom of speech."
todreaminblue Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I have had guys do this to me, they became exes.......its true that guys notice other women , i think pointing it out to a lover is very thoughtless.......if they say she is really beautiful or she has pretty eyes it doesnt bother me as much because i can say ....she really does doesnt she........but i wont ever say yeah damn her body rocks huh....its crass....i would never point out to a guy i was with a hot looking guy nor would i compliment a guys appearance to another guy i had strogn feelings for......to tell the truth i dont see the guy other than the guy i am with or feel for, i intentionally dont look...because i dont need to look anywhere but beside me...even when i am single if i have feelings i am not really interested as long as the guy i have feelings for is around....i tend to look deeper than just a body anyway....as i said pointing out a woman or guy in a sexual manner is just crass......and often repetitive......deb 2
Treasa Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Yes, but usually I'm the one beating him to the punch. Also, if they're especially hot, I call, "Mine!" first because we have this thing where, if we were to ever conquer all women, we get who we call first. So far I've gotten the hottest ones. However, I trust Keith completely and vice versa. And he's never disrespectful about it. 2
mammasita Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Um hell no. People will always look but when they make it blatantly obvious and/or belittle you in the process, that's a problem. I think you have more than one glaring issue with your "relationship" between this and his contact with his ex. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I'm not completely naive to think my man doesn't notice an attractive woman or women who stand out if only because of some exaggerated physical attribute - kind of like watching a car crash. We're all guilty of that whether we want to admit it or not but there is a fine line between taking a quick glance and blatantly gawking. My man does NOT act this way nor would he ever be so rude. In fact, I don't think I've ever had a partner that was so outrageously disrespectful but then again I'm the kind of woman that would have nipped that in the butt straight away. I wouldn't tolerate that kind of thing because I have too much self-respect. Your man sounds young and immature. If he really cared about you he wouldn't be acting like such a royal d*ck. A real gentleman would never put his woman in this position. Remember this - YOU teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop and what you reinforce. Good luck. 9
Gaeta Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I've never had a boyfriend like this before, he will regularly check out girls in front of me, most of the time he will say 'oh she has a great butt', 'she's hot' or 'daaamn' something along those lines. He knows that this makes me uncomfortable. Most of the times, I try to ignore it, but sometimes I just get really pissed off. Is this something I should just be able to accept because it's just who he is? He says all guys do it, he's just honest. i.e. this morning I was asking if he talks to one of his colleagues, and he just says 'not often but damn she has a good body for her age' and I was like wtf, I don't want to know that.... I just want to know, am I overreacting or too emotional? Is this behavior normal and should be tolerated? I'm thinking I should just let it go through one ear and out the other.... How long you've been dating this precious man? He comes across as an idiot that has no clue on how to respect a woman, his woman. Yes sure guys do that but they do it with their BUDDIES they don't do it with their girlfriends. NO you should not let it come in one ear and out the other, you would then send the message that it's an acceptable behaviour when it's not. Does he do it when you have other people with you? Would he do that in front of your parents? or his parents? Does he do it to you when you're out with other friends? 1
Badsingularity Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I do that, but that is because my wife is bi and thinks they're hot and that they have nice butts too. She will point them out to me if I don't notice them. Your boyfriend is being honest, but if it bothers you he should not be doing it. Tell him that you don't like the way it makes you feel. If he cares about you he will stop or at least cut it way down. Side note to the ladies that do not approve of this behavior. If you don't like your man to do this then don't be openly drooling over and obsessing over male actors if front of him. Be fair. I've seen women doing this with out a thought of how it makes their man feel at the same time they demand that he not look at other women or comment on how attractive they are. 2
iPhone Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Let's be honest, him doing that and being a jerk makes you want him even more, though you don't realize it.
MrNate 2.0 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Your willingness to let this 'go in one ear and go out the other' shows a lack of self respect. You value companionship more than being respected. Unfortunately, it seems you and this guy are actually a perfect match. 2
xxmusical Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I can't say 100% whether my SO "checks out" other women when I'm with him, but I'm 100% certain he would never say anything about those women when I'm with him. That's because he knows I don't like it, and it's disrespectful to me. My ex used to say how "hot" my best friend was, in front of me. He's an ex for a good reason. 1
Andy_K Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I do this if I'm dating a girl who is bi, or is indifferent to it. On the flip side, I won't get bent out of shape if I'm dating someone who points out other hot guys too. Although often I'll disagree with them, you can make it into a bit of playful banter "That trainer at the gym is cute" "He is like 5'7" and has a gut. Your standards worry me!" "He has a cute face though" "Is this your way of saying I need a shave?" Etc 1
Els Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Ugh, no. An ex of mine used to. I was a teenager, young and naive, and I thought it was 'normal'. It isn't. You really don't need to put up with that crap. 1
Gottabestrong Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I just want to know, am I overreacting or too emotional? Is this behavior normal and should be tolerated? . No, no, no and No. No boyfriend has ever done that to me. And if he did, he would have immediately become my ex. 1
Emilia Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I don't play games by pointing out other men because if I think something is unacceptable, I'm not going to undermine my point by doing it myself. However, I do nip it in the bud as others said. I make it very clear that both him and I have eyes and notice other people, however, as a sign of respect and demonstration of social skills, we save that for times when out with mates. Everyone deserves a bit of focus and being made feel special and most importantly, relaxed. I would be disappointed if I had to make this a point to someone on a date because I would have thought that my selection skills would have screened out idiots like him. However, I would explain it only ONCE. After that I'd just assume that he was too stupid to date. End of. 3
veggirl Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 He's a douchebag and doesn't give a crap if his behavior bothers you. You ignore **** you don't like just to appease him. Dump the ass and work on boundaries and self respect. You currently lack both and he knows it and uses it to his advantage. 2
blueskyday Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 (edited) Ugh. You don't need to explain disrespect to this loser. I have regretted staying with guys like that hoping they would start acting more respectfully once they knew how it made me feel. What I've learned is that they wouldn't be doing in the first place if they cared about how I felt. It's blatant and obvious disrespect. You shouldn't have to explain to somebody not to lie, cheat or steal either. I once heard a guy I was dating say how hot some actress was on TV. He was going on about her. I was sitting on the couch. I looked at him and said "that's rude." He said "I'm sitting next to you so it doesn't matter." Idiot. I said "it's precisely because I'm sitting on the couch next to that you shouldn't say it. You have no chance of sleeping with an actress on TV and Now you have no chance of sleeping with me!" I would just cut bait. Really, this guy sounds incredibly stupid and rude! Edited June 3, 2014 by blueskyday 4
SoonMyFriend Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 My ex used to do this. He used to say things like "some girls are just HOT, and others are just not on that level" and he'd always say things like "well so & so can wear whatever the hell she wants she'll always look good". What would bother me about my ex is the lack of compliments given to me. I know guys check out other girls, just like I check out other guys (I can't help it, I love a good butt). But I dunno... maybe keep it to your buddies only. I can't ever picture myself saying in front of a boyfriend "holy crap check out the ass on that guy". Meh who knows. I acknowledge though that I can have self-esteem issues, so it's more a relfection of my own insecurity. If he's saying it to you to make you feel insecure, then he's a douche. If he's saying it just "because" and is hoping you'll engage in some joking banter, that's fine (like maybe hoping you'll counter with "well check out that guy's package, you can see it right through his pants!" and then you both can laugh about it). It's just a dick move if he's trying to hurt you or provoke you. 1
daisydook Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I would not accept this behaviour. No, it's not normal and no, I cannot say I would deal with it, all too well. It is rude, mainly. Disrespectful, is another word coming to mind. Single, is another one. Not sure how old your BF is, but mine is 35 and is not doing this stuff. I am sure he looks when I am not present, however, he would not look, nor would he utter these gross things to me. My last relationship was a long one, and we were together for most of our 20's. He never did that either. I don't care if my boyfriend looks at other women. IF asked, be honest, but when you aren't prompted, I have no idea why someone would volunteer this information to his GF, knowing it makes her upset. I look at other men. In fact, I saw a cute man yesterday. He was handsome!!! Did it go any further than a glance? No. Did I rush home and tell my BF? Sure as hell didn't! I see beautiful people all the time. I live in one of the largest cities in the world and beautiful is rubbed in my face daily. Is my boyfriend hotter than everyone in the world? Nope. Not even a little bit. He is a 7 and I love my 7! I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world. He is absolutely gorgeous to me, although I know most of the world wouldn't call him a 10. In all actuality, he is a 7. In my eyes, man oh man, he is like a 27! Lol. We are both human, last I checked. I SURE as hell don't do it in front of him and you can bet your bottom dollar I would never ever comment on how large a mans penis looked in those pants, or how sexy and flat their abs were, or how awesome that other mans ass was. Oyoyoyoyoyoy WWIII begin! He would have a mental breakdown if I did that. What bothers me more is the comments to you and his inability to stop doing it, KNOWING IT HURTS HIS GF. I mean, this is kind of weird behaviour. The saying it out loud part, especially in your gf's presence. I am often curious why a man, who wanted to continue sleeping with and dating his girlfriend would EVER comment on another woman in this way. I mean, it is just awkward and weird behaviour. Does he expect you will just deal with it? How many women has he ever dated and does he realize that no, most MEN WITH GIRLFRIENDS do not do this?!??!??!? Men may act this way, but not the men with girlfriends, fiances and wives. This is what I like to call, "someone who finds themselves single and then wonders why." It is absolutely disrespectful to me when I think of my boyfriend checking other women out, while I am on his arm, let alone telling me about it. He would be absolutely hurt by me doing the same. I would bet your boyfriend has double standards on this issue as well. What would his standpoint be if you were to tell him how hot you thought everyone else was? 3
jbelle6 Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 "Did you see that bulge!" "He squats bro!" Do it. Now, I am fully aware that men look, but it should be a glance, not a leer. It's fine to point out hot women if your girl is cool with it. You however are not cool with it. You haven't told him not to look, you simply asked him to keep it to himself. You aren't worth that to him? It's not "just who he is", it's who he chooses and who you allow him to be with you. If he were to have a job interview and the women interviewing him was hot, I am sure he could stop himself from saying "nice tits", so why can't he shut his damn trap with you? Why is it that important to him to point these women out to you? Does he like hurting your feelings? Honestly, it would be a huge turn off to me, not out of jealousy, but the stuff you mention him saying sounds so juvenile, like a guy who has not seen boobies before. 2
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