No Limit Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 said it won't happen again ...in your presence. I think I could write this off and trust her in the future If you're willing to share her with her ex, what is the problem here? 2
Author EdG Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 ...in your presence. If you're willing to share her with her ex, what is the problem here? Appreciate the response, thanks. So you think she sounds completely untrustworthy? If she likes me enough surely she'd lock off her ex, and not do it again. It all comes down to if she likes me ENOUGH. I know 100% she likes me, but whether we're in it for the same reasons could be doubtful. She wasn't clear about what role this guy played in her life. One minute he's a friend and the next minute he's an ex, then he's not an ex and just a friend. Then he's just no one. Basically I think she didn't him, slept together but for whatever reason it didn't go any further. She said it won't happen again, but her reactions to my reaction have sat well with me.
ThatMan Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Texting an ex while in the presence of your date is freaking tactless, I'm sorry. It's almost comical if it wasn't so depressingly pathetic. Some people have no problem befriending an ex but that isn't a value. Do you know what her values reflect? Resolving conflict through blaming other people. The fact that you would believe for even a second that you've built a mountain from a molehill speaks volumes. She will continue to blame other people for her own poor behavior, especially since you tolerate it. 6
Keenly Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 This woman employs the classic manipulative tactic of flipping the issue around on you, and making you feel like you are the one in the wrong. Now SHE has to do some thinking? Really? Get rid of this woman. She clearly only cares about herself. 8
writergal Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 My comments are in bold below... Update: 1. She got annoyed that I was bringing it up again. Because she's mad you're reminding her that you won't let her carry on having an emotional affair via text messaging with her ex-boyfriend. 2. Says she can't do or say more than she already has. That she's already said it meant nothing and that it wouldn't happen again. She's LYING. If she even cared one iota about your feelings, had any respect for you she would apologize for texting him and god knows who else while she's with you. But she's not sorry. That's clear from her behavior. 3. Said she didn't understand why I was making a big deal out of it, that now she needs to do the thinking as she doesn't want to be in a relationship with someone who makes a big deal out of this as next "I wouldn't be able to talk to a guy". I call b.s. on this. She's deflecting blame back on to you. She sounds really immature and entitled. It's either her way or the highway. Again, a grown up would apologize, have good boundaries to start out with, and take responsibility for her actions. 4. Said the guy was a friend. Then said "he isn't really a friend", then "he isn't really an ex". Apparently they just dated. My point then is what value does this relationship bring you. Why talk to him if he's not a friend, or not even an ex, someone you once cared for. I'd imagine it was someone she was dating before me, sleeping with, etc. She's waffling about who this guy is and what he means to her because she likes attention and is willing to sacrifice being in a real relationship with you this early on so she can carry on flirting online for the attention. She already lacks respect for you and your feelings at 6 weeks in. Do you REALLY think she's going to change? I think not. 2
PegNosePete Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 One side of my brain is saying end it now, there are too many incompatibilities if she doesn't want to talk through what's bothering me, and doesn't understand it. She's getting annoyed and turning it back on me saying I am making too big a deal out of it and overthinking it. Yes I would go with this side of your brain. The beginning of a relationship is supposed to be fun and fresh and new, you're supposed to be on best behaviour to impress each other. If you're getting this kind of drama after just 6 weeks, then clearly this relationship is not going to be a good one. Imagine how she will act when not on best behaviour. 2
Charmander Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 This woman employs the classic manipulative tactic of flipping the issue around on you, and making you feel like you are the one in the wrong. Now SHE has to do some thinking? Really? Get rid of this woman. She clearly only cares about herself. I couldn't say it better myself. I dealt with this at one point... Don't walk this path. It's not fun. Drop her before she has time to think about dropping you. Don't give her that power she doesn't deserve it. 1
katiusha23 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 The guy I was replying to was an ex boyfriend and yes, he is a friend now. I don't know how many of you would turn your back on people who helped you massively in the past, but I won't. There were a few basic questions and I saw no harm in replying ( I did stop the conversation when he said ''miss you''). I did not meant to disrespect EdG in any way. There were only a few lines on Whatsapp in about 2 minutes. I spend most weekends at Edg's place and I hardly use my phone and when I do, I do it to speak to my family and he knows it. What is supposed to be a great start of a great relationship turned into a nightmare. I take full responsibility for my behavior, I apologize ( again, in public) and would like to thank everyone who has taken the time to give an advice on this forum. It's good to see people like you still exist. And very happy you gave Edg a perspective. Obviously, the time that I have spent with him didn't do the job. P.S. Ed, don't worry about our common friends. I am sure they will understand the situation.
writergal Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I don't know if it's from the shot of LSD that Caribou put in my decaf mocha this morning or what, but this post trips me out. Thank god I come from Generation X, where love spats were limited to LAN line phone calls or face to face. The guy I was replying to was an ex boyfriend and yes, he is a friend now. I don't know how many of you would turn your back on people who helped you massively in the past, but I won't. There were a few basic questions and I saw no harm in replying ( I did stop the conversation when he said ''miss you''). I did not meant to disrespect EdG in any way. There were only a few lines on Whatsapp in about 2 minutes. I spend most weekends at Edg's place and I hardly use my phone and when I do, I do it to speak to my family and he knows it. What is supposed to be a great start of a great relationship turned into a nightmare. I take full responsibility for my behavior, I apologize ( again, in public) and would like to thank everyone who has taken the time to give an advice on this forum. It's good to see people like you still exist. And very happy you gave Edg a perspective. Obviously, the time that I have spent with him didn't do the job. P.S. Ed, don't worry about our common friends. I am sure they will understand the situation. 4
ThatMan Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 You can find replies of the same caliber in the infidelity forum - from baby boomers.
writergal Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Oh? Lol! The Millennials are such a different generation. Don't limit yourselves to online forums Millels. Pay for billboards on the roadside. Heck, hire an Ad Agency for a 30 second commercial spot to humiliate each other in public. Geez. 1
Charmander Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 It's a good day yet a dark day at the same time... Somewhat creepy but hey I mean at least we know this is resolved. Good job guys case closed!
Author EdG Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 (edited) Wow. I am not going to worry about what our mutual friends would say, why would I? 2 min conversation? You were texting back throughout the day (from 5pm - 11pm), even whilst with me at YOUR friends BBQ, whilst lying with me on MY sofa, whilst at my house. It's disrespectful. You say it was harmless, yet you hid the messages from me, and window dressed where you were to him... Saying you were at home, about to go to bed, etc. It's a shame you didn't put the same effort into talking this through with me to resolve matters as you have in finding this forum and posting. Anyway, I am sure it's enjoyable for everyone else, but this is childish. I am sure you're playing a mind game. But it's all good, what I did is for the best. Edited June 3, 2014 by EdG 3
morbot_k Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Wow that was a surreal turn. Wonder how she found out he was on here posting. The two of you don't sound very compatible. 1
No Limit Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 (edited) So you think she sounds completely untrustworthy? If she likes me enough surely she'd lock off her ex, and not do it again. It all comes down to if she likes me ENOUGH. Yes, I think she might be a good friend to you, at best. But definitely not a girlfriend. And if she was that interested in you she wouldn't have chatted with him in the first place because all she'd focus on would be you and you alone. I'd also like you to read these 2 paragraphs carefully, one after the other: She wasn't clear about what role this guy played in her life. One minute he's a friend and the next minute he's an ex, then he's not an ex and just a friend. Then he's just no one. Basically I think she didn't him, slept together but for whatever reason it didn't go any further. This woman employs the classic manipulative tactic of flipping the issue around on you, and making you feel like you are the one in the wrong. edit; Lol, just noticed the post above. Get the popcorn, then. Wow that was a surreal turn. Wonder how she found out he was on here posting. The two of you don't sound very compatible. I think we don't want to know. And no, both OP or her tell a different tale and to be honest I'm inclined to stick with OPs. Which makes it all the sadder, the internet really is the last place where you'd need to lie. Edited June 3, 2014 by No Limit 1
Zahara Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 It's pretty simple actually. If I am into a guy, the last thing I'd care about is having a text marathon with an ex. And even IF the ex was a friend, he can wait, unless he was in a terrible situation and he needed help. To prioritize someone you only speak to once in 3 months over someone who you're dating and while you're in the midst of hanging out together with, is not a good sign. "You say it was harmless, yet you hid the messages from me, and window dressed where you were to him... Saying you were at home, about to go to bed, etc." 6 weeks into this and already the beginnings of shady behavior. The beginning of a relationship should be two people in the thick of each other but instead, 6 hours of texting an ex. It would be best to get out of this one if your trust is already shaken so early into this. 1
marcjb Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I don't know how many of you would turn your back on people who helped you massively in the past, but I won't. Your ex has no one else to turn to? How exactly do you plan on "helping" him? He tells you he misses you, which obviously means he still has feelings for you. Any further contact is just leading him on if you truly don't plan on getting back together with him. You are playing with the emotions of two people here, and ultimately sabotaging yourself. Hopefully you've learned a lesson which you can apply to your future. 1
MidwestUSA Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Wow. It's a shame you didn't put the same effort into talking this through with me to resolve matters as you have in finding this forum and posting. Anyway, I am sure it's enjoyable for everyone else, but this is childish. I am sure you're playing a mind game. But it's all good, what I did is for the best. What you did for the best was break up, I hope? (Sorry, I didn't feel like reading back). Kat, you need to grow up. Learn some manners. Or just get back together with the dude you've been texting. 4
me85 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 If you're in a RS this is wrong wrong wrong UNLESS you're ok with it but obviously you're not... So... Either tell her it's a deal-breaker, come to an understanding OR break up with her now before it gets any worse. If you haven't already established boundries by now, I advise you to. Like, yesterday. 3
ThatMan Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Anyway, I am sure it's enjoyable for everyone else, but this is childish. Excuse you, but no, I don't think anybody is enjoying this. Kat seems extremely creepy. I think everybody is thoroughly creeped out by her effort to track you down so that both of you can be publicly humiliated together. 5
HappyLove Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I think you dodged a bullet buddy! Also one of your group friends probably isn't such a good friend unless Kat did stalk you and find this thread which is hella scary. 3
michellew Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I will probably be attacked for this, but am I the only one (besides Kat) who thinks that OP DID make a mountain out of a molehill and now ruined what could have been a good thing? Family, friends, and Exes are going to text and if you are together for ENTIRE weekends, chances are it'll happen when you're together and you are going to see it. If she had something to hide or something was going on, I doubt she would have replied at all AND she wouldn't be with you during that time, she'd be with the ex. She would be more cautious with her phone and wouldn't have it out at all if something was going on. She'd have him saved under a females name so you wouldn't know it was the ex when he texts. She'd basically do anything NOT to look suspicious. Yes, it's rude to text while in someone else's presence, but if you're spending that much time together, you've probably reached a point in the relationship when it's okay to check your phone, Facebook, Words with Friends game, or what ever form of social media you're into while together. I'm sure OP does it too. She said it wouldn't happen again and learned that it bothered you. You should have left it at that and seen where it went from there. She did listen to your needs, but you brought it up again, coming off as jealous, insecure, and controlling. Sorry OP, I'd be irritated too at this point. 2
MidwestUSA Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I will probably be attacked for this, but am I the only one (besides Kat) who thinks that OP DID make a mountain out of a molehill and now ruined what could have been a good thing? Family, friends, and Exes are going to text and if you are together for ENTIRE weekends, chances are it'll happen when you're together and you are going to see it. If she had something to hide or something was going on, I doubt she would have replied at all AND she wouldn't be with you during that time, she'd be with the ex. She would be more cautious with her phone and wouldn't have it out at all if something was going on. She'd have him saved under a females name so you wouldn't know it was the ex when he texts. She'd basically do anything NOT to look suspicious. Yes, it's rude to text while in someone else's presence, but if you're spending that much time together, you've probably reached a point in the relationship when it's okay to check your phone, Facebook, Words with Friends game, or what ever form of social media you're into while together. I'm sure OP does it too. She said it wouldn't happen again and learned that it bothered you. You should have left it at that and seen where it went from there. She did listen to your needs, but you brought it up again, coming off as jealous, insecure, and controlling. Sorry OP, I'd be irritated too at this point. They've been dating for six WEEKS. Getting 'serious' for only the last two. Not hanging out on each others' couches many weekends for several months.
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