first date... she tells me she live w/ her BF, but wants to leave him

[completelydevastated]

Ok... It's been a few months since my fiance left with another dude. I've started dating again & met a girl that I REALLY like. We just went on our first date tonight & she tells me about her living situation. She has a BOYFRIEND & SHE LIVES WITH HIM!! ahhhhh.... so I'm like "well, now what?!" She said that he cheated on her, they fight a lot, & he won't commit to her. My ex left me for a secret bf on the side (but I never cheated on her & I was commited)... We'll refer to that dude as "that guy". With this new girl, I don't wanna be "that guy".... but I do really like her.

 

So here's what I'm thinking... I need to just tell her that she needs to sort out her situation before we go any further... also, should I even bother with her at all? Would she do this to me to? I would never cheat on anybody. Plus, I really do want to commit to someone. I can't say that we wouldn't fight, cuz everybody does... but I don't think my arguements are unhealthy. I mean, I try to stand my ground, but I can usually admit if I'm wrong. Is she scoping me out to see if I'm what she's looking for?

 

grrrrr.... I always end up in these situations.... if only she was single...

[carla]

So... What's the question? You sound like you know what to do. Move on. DON"T

be "THAT GUY" because if you are now, and end up with her down the road "THAT

GUY" may come back to haunt you again. Tell her to call you once she gets things in order. Chances are she will find someone else, before she calls you, and if she does "Sorry I'm seeing someone right now" usually sends them away. Or don't even tell her to call you just tell her you don't want to get involved.

[Hund1976]

Stear clear of this situation, most likely its going to turn out bad. I would say don't date people who live with their SO is a good rule.

[lost_in_chgo]

You can either look at this as she is afraid of being alone so she wants to line someone else up first

or she can't afford to live alone so she wants to line someone else up first. Or she's just the cheating sort.

or a combination of the above.

 

So the question is which and do you care?

If she is afraid of being alone then she's just looking for another guy before dumping this one. Not uncommon.

 

If she has financial issues, she's expecting to move in with you. If she wasn't she'd already have moved to whatever she has available. You decide if you want her moving in right away.

 

If she's just cheating then you decide if you care.

 

 

Personally, the fact that she told you seems like a good sign, unless she's looking for some side action.

But that would be pretty clear in that she'd say she was still going to live with him.

 

"Tell her to call you once she gets things in order" is the best advice here.

[completelydevastated]

Ok... here's what I did. I went to her work on Saturday night & she took a little break to come out & talk to me. I told her that I've been thinking... & that I was hoping that I could date her, but I didn't want to get in the middle of anything & be that "other guy". She understood & said, "well... ya never know what's gonna happen with him (her bf)... we can still hang out as friends...?" I kinda hesitated, but said "yeah... I suppose... but I don't want to get too attached until you know what's going on, ya know?"

 

Anyways... that was Saturday night & we had already made plans to go out & eat on Sunday afternoon. So we went ahead & did that, but I'm gonna have to distance myself, because I'm starting to like her even more.

 

She did tell me that her current bf knows about me & doesn't have a problem with her hanging out with me. I guess I feel kinda weird about this whole thing.

 

As far as her situation goes, I really do feel that they have already split, mentally. I know she is having a tough time financially, but I really think that if she wanted out of that appartment, she would've found a way.

 

I need to just stay low & keep some distance. I really feel like this could be trouble...

[completelydevastated]

Originally posted by Hund1976

Stear clear of this situation, most likely its going to turn out bad. I would say don't date people who live with their SO is a good rule.

 

That's what I always go by... but I didn't know that part about her until we were actually on our date...

[Bronzepen]

Tell her to give you a call when she moves out.

[Numb]

I'll tell ya something bro, I was that other guy, the one sitting home while she was with her new b/f.

She also told her new b/f that I cheated on her with her roomate and I never cheated on her ever...and she never had a roomate she was still living with me and everything seemed just fine except she was doing that for 8 months. Just becuase it comes out of her mouth does NOT mean its true.

Run the hell away<Period>

 

 

After hearing all these storys I decided to get a new tattoo, right on the back of my neck that says "Trust No Bitches" ya I like that.

[bykenore]

Well, at least she told you, unlike the last girl I dated. Worst case is her BF is a psycho who'll come after you with a shotgun when he finds out. Run!

[alphamale]

Originally posted by completelydevastated

She has a BOYFRIEND & SHE LIVES WITH HIM!! ahhhhh.... so I'm like "well, now what?!" She said that he cheated on her, they fight a lot, & he won't commit to her.

 

some females love dude who treat 'em like krap and don't fool yourself here COMPLETELYDEVASTATED.

 

she is in love with her b/f no matter what she tells u and will use you to make him jealous and commit to her.

 

you are playing with fire and i guarantee you WILL be burned. RUN do not walk away.

 

alpha