WildWildWest Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Ok so its time to have "the talk" u kno the one where u sit and discuss where the relationship is going, if its going anywhere.. are we exclusive.. all that fun stuff.. actually this talk is WAY over due and I'm not putting it off anymore.. He's already told me he's not seeing anybody else, he isn't looking for anybody else but for some reason he just wont give it a title.. Well I want to know where I stand.. I want to tell him either we make it official or I'm gonna have to move on.. Problem is, I need to find a way to bring it up without sounding pushy and even tho it is an ultimatium, a way to make it sound like its not one.. lol.. I REALLY care about him and I don't wanna lose him but if he isn't ready to commit then I think its time to let go.. I just don't wanna seem like im pressuring him. Anybody have any suggestions?
marcjb Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 I don't know how he is, but I know I love it when someone is just genuinely open and honest with me. I doesn't have to be the guy starting the exclusive talk. Let him know how you feel and talk to him while you two are on a date. 2
clia Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 How long have you been dating him? How often do you see him? What reason did he give you for not wanting to put a title on your relationship?
Frank2thepoint Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 He's already told me he's not seeing anybody else, he isn't looking for anybody else but for some reason he just wont give it a title.. Well I want to know where I stand.. I want to tell him either we make it official or I'm gonna have to move on.. Problem is, I need to find a way to bring it up without sounding pushy and even tho it is an ultimatium, a way to make it sound like its not one.. lol.. I REALLY care about him and I don't wanna lose him but if he isn't ready to commit then I think its time to let go.. I just don't wanna seem like im pressuring him. Anybody have any suggestions? What do you want with him? A relationship where you call him your boyfriend and he calls you his girlfriend? If so, then you just need to say exactly this. You want a solidified relationship, not some fling. Give it to him straight. But before you do talk with him, be prepared to let him go if he begins to stutter, make excuses, or convince you otherwise about labels (such as going on a diatribe how labels don't really mean anything). Also don't think you are pressuring him, you are trying to establish something that is important to you.
CarrieT Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 How long have you two been seeing each other? 'Cuz I'm honestly not sure why you need the title. You know he isn't seeing anyone else. Why does it need to have a name?
J21 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 If the guy doesn't wanna put a title. There is an issue: he's not as into u, he likes seeing multiple girls, etc. Whatever the case may be, if he's open and honest it should be just a talk to officially confirm a relationship. I'd just bring it up casually while youre together at a park or something: "hey so we've been seeing each other for XXX, wanted to know what your thoughts were on what this relationship is" For all u know, maybe he wants to formalize too! I also think its better to find out sooner than later. Why spend all that time, effort, money when one person is looking for a committed formal relationship but the other is not. At least u can move forward with it. Good luck,
sillyanswer Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 I want to tell him either we make it official or I'm gonna have to move on.. Problem is, I need to find a way to bring it up without sounding pushy and even tho it is an ultimatium, a way to make it sound like its not one.. lol.. "Will you be my boyfriend?" 2
mangetout Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Ask him what he thinks about your time together and where he sees it in the future. Definitely ask him sooner than later because I once dated this man for three months and I thought we were exclusive as we spent every weekend together. I then found out he still had a profile on a dating site. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 I approach all of these issues the same. This is your potential life partner. If it is awkward to bring up an issue then what does it it say about your future relationship? Put all the games, silence, doubts to the side and just speak your mind. Set a precedence for being able to talk about anything in future. You are afraid of driving him away? Its a positive to know where his expectations are. If he loves you and wants to be a couple then good. If not, best to know now before you invest more of yourself. Couldn't agree more with Eau Claire on this one. Very wise words.
sillyanswer Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 "Will you be my boyfriend?" Oh, and since you don't want to make it an ultimatum make sure not to say "say 'yes' or I'll walk away", but since it is an ultimatum make sure you walk away if he doesn't say 'yes'. 3
Gaeta Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Here is a tip. When you talk to man about your relationship do not use the words 'how do you feel' about this and that but instead use 'what do you think' about this and that. Men don't like talking about their feelings but they like you ask their opinion on things. Also, if we are talking about making it official as in girlfriend/boyfriend I would not use the word 'commitment'. I don't know about you but to me a commitment is an engagement or a marriage. When we date we don't really commit but we agree to dating terms, we will be exclusive, we will only see each other, we will spend our free time together, we will do our best to learn as much as possible about each other and if we are compatible. 1
somedude81 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 BTW, if it wasn't obvious in my previous post, this whole talk thing should be super casual. Don't make a big deal about it. Though if he says no, that you're not his GF or that he doesn't want things to be serious, then you should probably reconsider how much you want to be with him.
marcjb Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 When you talk to man about your relationship do not use the words 'how do you feel' about this and that but instead use 'what do you think' about this and that. Men don't like talking about their feelings but they like you ask their opinion on things. Says who? I'm an extremely open person who isn't afraid to talk about how I feel about anything. I can't really say that the wording of "think" or "feel" is much different.
Author WildWildWest Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 We have been together off and on for a long time.. in the beginning it was just casual. then feelings started to get involved.. we been thru some rough times.. but now I have strong feelings for him and just wanna be with him.. I guess its not so much the title I am looking for but I just want to start spending more time together.. He is a very busy person and hardly has any free time.. I need a very nice way of saying "HEY! EITHER U START SPENDING MORE TIME WITH ME OR I'M WALKING!" Lol.. Idk if I should just back off and do no contact for a while and see what happens with that or just sit and have a convo with him bout it.
Gaeta Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 We have been together off and on for a long time.. in the beginning it was just casual. then feelings started to get involved.. we been thru some rough times.. but now I have strong feelings for him and just wanna be with him.. I guess its not so much the title I am looking for but I just want to start spending more time together.. He is a very busy person and hardly has any free time.. I need a very nice way of saying "HEY! EITHER U START SPENDING MORE TIME WITH ME OR I'M WALKING!" Lol.. Idk if I should just back off and do no contact for a while and see what happens with that or just sit and have a convo with him bout it. Why the threat? I am dating someone that is very busy as well. When I felt the need to spend more time with him I simply said: I would like to see you more. Nothing else. I got there, kisses him hello as my usual and said I would like to see you more. His answer: Ok, we will see each other more. You don't need to take out the heavy artillery yet, just tell him you want to spend more time together, see what he has to say.
Gaeta Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Says who? I'm an extremely open person who isn't afraid to talk about how I feel about anything. I can't really say that the wording of "think" or "feel" is much different. You are representative of few men. Most men will shut down at the sound of 'how do you feel'. When you don't know really well the man you are talking with changing that one word will light up the conversation. Says who? I don't remember where I read that but it made a lot of sense to me.
clia Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Is this the guy you've been off and on with for the past five years? Because if so...I honestly think you should go no contact and move on. He does not want to be in a relationship with you.
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