animation Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Hey, I'll try and keep this as short as I can, and I may be going over the top here but I'd love honest replied. I started dating this girl a few months back, she's 20 and I'm 22 and she's just finishing off at uni, we don't have any mutual friends either and come from different parts of the country. Whilst at uni, and presumably before she was very frivolous, she doesn't know how many people she's slept with and has told me she has had a MMF threesome and did web cam shows for a good 18 months. She says this is her old life and she's ashamed of it and has changed. But, there's a lot of warning signs still; she's still presumably in touch with a lot of these guys considering she's still at uni, she's CONSTANTLY texting people, but no so much around me (I don't know if this is because she's being polite or because she has something to hide) and she just seems very distant at times. I'm really in to her, and she says the same about me but I'm just worried these trust issues will never disappear. I don't want to tell her I don't trust her either and give her a complex about it when she hasn't necessarily done anything to justify it. What do I do?
No Limit Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Don't be with her if you don't trust her, easy as that. Trust is the foundation of a relationship. What are you expecting to have without that?
salparadise Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 People can and do change as they mature, but the best predictors of future behavior is past behavior. The only way to know what might be is to give her a chance. Being a little wild isn't the same as being fundamentally disingenuous. I'd be looking for indications that she's being open and honest all the time, and if that's not the way she is then move on, because these values obviously matter to you. It's a risk you have to take, and only you can decide if it's worth it or not.
Basher1029 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I've been down a similar road before. Bottom line is that you've only been with her a few months and you're having trust issues already. As stated in a previous reply...trust is the foundation of any solid relationship. Your gut never lies and in this case...your gut is screaming at you. Put your Nike's on and run the other way before it's 5 years from now and you're signing divorce papers. 1
Rig88 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 It's always a difficult situation to be in but ultimately , if you can't trust someone in the beginning then you never will. If someone makes you feel insecure in terms of being on their phone all of the time then it's going to destroy your self esteem long term. You're going to find yourself getting into the unhealthy habit of checking her phone , Facebook etc. If you think that you've got something worth fighting for then it may be worth you having a chat with her to see if you can come to some solution.
JohnM Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 This seems equals parts logical reasoning for reasons for trust and your anxiety. The bulk of these replies state that because you don't currently trust her you should leave, but, as you stated yourself that's not her fault. I think the reasons that make you uneasy are valid concerns but I think you need to have an open discussion with her about her contact with these people from her past and the interaction she has with them now. If she can put forth a solid and sound response then its in your court. You either believe her and trust or you open yourself to the fact you are too insecure to be with someone with such a history. You need to be strong and self confident, if she is checking her phone a lot so what. Is that really any of your concern? That's her social life, the fact she tones it down around you is honourable I my eyes. I brought it up with exes before about over activity on phones, not for who it was etc but merely because it breaks up the interaction when together. Checking it at reasonable times is fine, just not every five mins. Also you're presuming the worst, and that she is contacting old **** buddies when in fact it may not be the case at all.
ThatMan Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Never walk into a relationship expecting a woman to change into whatever you want her to be. You need to appreciate who she is as a person, including her sexual behavior. If you're unwilling to do that then maybe she isn't right for you.
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