janedoe67 Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 regardless if that is YOUR bigger question, it isn't the question stated originally in this forum and is therefore off topic. When you throw in your individual morality into the mix you are naively expecting that other people have the same. That is true. Some people find it morally wrong to lie to, deceive, and betray a person to whom you made vows. Some.......don't So yes, you can remain friends. For some it will be easy. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedMarriedOW Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 Not every person gets married in a church. Not every person's vows were the same. Not every marriage is the same. You cannot measure by your own ruler and then know to judge what other people to be right or wrong purely because it is what is right for you. Each person has their own morality. And many people are just surviving best they can without wanting to hurt anyone, but still be happy. Who are YOU to say what is right or wrong? That is true. Some people find it morally wrong to lie to, deceive, and betray a person to whom you made vows. Some.......don't So yes, you can remain friends. For some it will be easy. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedMarriedOW Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Well, in the end, I couldn't do it. I tried to be his friend, but I have found it too painful. I wrote the goodbye letter. Maybe someday. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl6118 Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Each person has their own morality. And many people are just surviving best they can without wanting to hurt anyone, but still be happy. Who are YOU to say what is right or wrong? Well, there is one problem--marriage in particular is a public not a private contract. Civil or religous, it is contracted in front of the community. It confers substantial legal benefits and obligations which come at some cost to the community at large and the community has an investment in the institution. When two people are not married, they can negotiate their boundaries as they wish. But when they get married, they voluntarily accept a contract with society as well as with one another. And thus members of society do have standing to judge--in the sense of forming a conclusion--whether the partners to the contract have observed it in letter and in spirit. Society of course recognizes that one party may come to find the contract ill advised. It offers a prescribed method of dissolving it publically--divorce. But no, actually, I would assert that as a matter of logic and formal ethics, you do not get to privately redefine at will the meaning and the boundaries of a contract which involves society as well as yourself and your partner. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
XTiffanyX Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 I think you can only be friends with an ex partner if there's an amicable consensus that you didnt make sense romantically. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 I know the general consensus is that you can't be friends with an XAP. However, is there anyone here who has been able to do so? I think for most of us the best route is complete NC, but is it possible to move on and still remain friends? Thoughts anyone? N o w a y . Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedMarriedOW Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 I always thought you could, but it really happens to you, you realize you can't Shazil? This means your coworker is no longer your friend? Link to post Share on other sites
LaylaSings Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 I think the only way 'just friends' would be possible is if both people are on the exact same page and both really truly want it to be over, not just want to want that... If that makes sense? Wanting it because you think it's the right thing to do, versus wanting it to be over because you are done and know it's best for you.. Is a big difference. Link to post Share on other sites
PreciousOne Posted June 15, 2014 Share Posted June 15, 2014 I do think that it's possible to be friends with an exAP, but I thinks it's important to give yourself distance away from them to clear your mind from the haziness. Give yourself time and decide whether it's worth pursuing the friendship. Try to take emotion out of you thoughts and see the situation for what it is as a whole and then decide on being friends. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedMarriedOW Posted June 15, 2014 Share Posted June 15, 2014 Both parties need to be interested in being friends, many times the main interest was the romantic side so the friendship pales in comparison. Friendship would have worked for me possibly had EP wanted to nurture friendship? But likely it would have just led back to intimacy, so I am glad he didn't. Link to post Share on other sites
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