HappyLove Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 People want to act like oh it's not only from online that this happens. Yeah right, I have yet to meet someone IRL who I've talked to and made plans with only to have them stand me up. It has never happened. Now with OLDing it's happened A LOT. I'll admit I've been lucky where most times they flaked about an hour before the date which still sucks. But this behavior runs rampant online. It's more of a shock when someone shows up and follows through!
Author SadNLonley Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 The fat guy was on his couch wacking off with his laptop in front of him (or probably connected to his TV) as he saw you waiting there for him. That IS creepy to think of what the guy was really like, and the fact that he could have actually been doing that watching the webcam. ugh!
PegNosePete Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 But this behavior runs rampant online. It's more of a shock when someone shows up and follows through! Well, I've never been stood up on OLD. A couple of times I've had cancellations the day before. A couple of times I've had lateness but I've always got a message saying stuck in traffic there in 20 mins or whatever. I've met at least 20-30 so it can't just be luck of the draw. OLD obviously works for me. If it doesn't work for you then it must be user error. Picking the wrong types, not reading between the lines, not asking the right questions, not listening to your gut... I don't know. But to say it's rubbish and blame other people being jerks for your failure... it's just not true. 2
TheBladeRunner Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 If you post clear, current photos, the chances of that happening are unlikely unless they were planning to stand you up regardless, out of anger for the opposite sex. This is true, it does help. When I was doing OLD I found this helpful for me, I used to post new, updated pics every month. My dates however, that was another story. I never stood anyone up, but I have had a few occasions where my date would show up and what looked like a "few extra pounds" on the profile was in actuality seriously obese. I was always nice, I would have a drink, then I would gently say that "this isn't a match". Seriously, where do people get off posting pics that don't represent who they really are.....oh, and I hear men are worse than woman when it comes to this. 1
Strength in Healing Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Why do I feel like this happened on a free dating site 3
HappyLove Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Well, I've never been stood up on OLD. A couple of times I've had cancellations the day before. A couple of times I've had lateness but I've always got a message saying stuck in traffic there in 20 mins or whatever. I've met at least 20-30 so it can't just be luck of the draw. OLD obviously works for me. If it doesn't work for you then it must be user error. Picking the wrong types, not reading between the lines, not asking the right questions, not listening to your gut... I don't know. But to say it's rubbish and blame other people being jerks for your failure... it's just not true. So I guess all the hundreds of posts on here of people who've had no success OLDing is just user failures. Pardon me, I wasn't aware that a measley 5 dates with one person, that you've had, was considered a huge success I guess the rest of us are just clueless! 1
lollipopspot Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 The part that kills me is the Live Cam thing. Who knows if it anything to do with it, but its sick to think an adult would play a game like that. Maybe he isn't an adult. 1
irresolute Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 omg, I'm sorry this happened to you. why on earth did you agree to meet a guy without having talked on the phone first? I'd never ever do something like that! didn't you think he could be a pervert, or over worse, a dangerous sick person? I don't know, one has to be super careful. you not knowing his phone or other info...think what would have happened if he was a creep indeed and no one else knew where you were? omg. and those cameras...creepy.
Gaeta Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 You got stood up, happened to me too, there is much worse happening in life. I would not let it discourage me about online dating. I had a lot of stupid meets as well at first when I was not familiar with it, after a couple of years trying on and off now I know exactly how to handle it and I don't let any of it get to me. Yes on here we hear about the 100s of stories that ended badly but in my personal life there are a lot of success stories with meeting online, couples that are now married and parents. I have a sibling that met his wife online, family, friends, colleagues. Success stories are all around me. 2
Author SadNLonley Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 why on earth did you agree to meet a guy without having talked on the phone first? I'd never ever do something like that! didn't you think he could be a pervert, or over worse, a dangerous sick person? I don't know, one has to be super careful. you not knowing his phone or other info...think what would have happened if he was a creep indeed and no one else knew where you were? omg. and those cameras...creepy. I am learning I guess. This is pretty new to me. I thought meeting in a public place outside would be fairly safe. Definitely taking notes! 1
FitChick Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 So I guess all the hundreds of posts on here of people who've had no success OLDing is just user failures. Possibly. I have met some great men and know people, including friends, relatives, coworkers, even my boss, who met their spouses online. Not on the free sites, though. You get what you pay for! 1
rosedl Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 Don't let it get you down. You don't know what happened or why he didn't show, so there is no need to tell yourself a story and take it personally. I have gone on on-line dates and there are some really nice people. It is hard to meet people anywhere, OLD is no exception. It takes time and patience. I went on some nice dates and talked to some nice people. I didn't meet anyone because I reconciled with my ex, but it was all good. Dated one guy for a couple months, he was nice and I liked him but had some deal breakers with lifestyle habits (heavy smoker) that blew it. I also went on dates where the guys were perfectly nice but no chemistry. I wouldn't let it put you off OLD. It is just one event, after all.
TigerLilly78 Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 Well, I've never been stood up on OLD. A couple of times I've had cancellations the day before. A couple of times I've had lateness but I've always got a message saying stuck in traffic there in 20 mins or whatever. I've met at least 20-30 so it can't just be luck of the draw. OLD obviously works for me. If it doesn't work for you then it must be user error. Picking the wrong types, not reading between the lines, not asking the right questions, not listening to your gut... I don't know. But to say it's rubbish and blame other people being jerks for your failure... it's just not true. Wow hope you didn't forget to buckle up cause that's one massively wild ride on the ego trip train... seriously? you get a big mixed bag on line that's not a personal failure that's just a fact! I could tell you some horror stories that would make getting stood up look like a ride at Disney land from people who seamed normal as anything people who I knew for years on line. But on the flip side I have also met some awesome people who have ended up being very close and true friends. Like I said a mixed bag but to bash the op just cause she hasn't had much luck is ignorant indeed! I'm sure you will run into a wacko despite your "superior super duper screening technique's" and when you do I hope you are knocked back down to reality.. 2
nadine5 Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 I'm so sorry. That is BS. If I could give you a huge hug, I would.
irc333 Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 I made it a policy never to agree to meet someone in person until I've talked to them on the phone first. There's just something shady about someone not giving you the opportunity to talk to them first prior to meeting, you know, just to get a feel of the person before hand. Ya cos no-one ever got stood up before OLD was invented right?? Don't get why OLD gets so much stick, it's not OLD that is to blame here, it is PEOPLE. People treat other people badly whether they meet them on OLD, in a bar, a nightclub or the greengrocers. It happens. Sure it's horrible but you need to realize that this is just one jerk, the next guy you meet (whether on OLD or in a supermarket or at a work party) could be really nice... or he could stand you up again. If you take no risks then you get no rewards. For what it's worth I met a really nice woman about a month ago who didn't want to swap phone numbers either, we had our 5th date yesterday, it's going really well. Some people are just cagey with their personal info, maybe because they got stalked or abused or whatever in the past. What can you do... either accept the risk of not being able to contact them by phone, or say you don't want to meet.
irc333 Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 Agreed , Tigerlilly, I read PegNosePete's response here, and it almost sounds like he's from another planet. WE are to be blamed for our failures in not having psychic abilities or a crystal ball and we should have KNOWN better? His post almost sounds more trollish really. Wow hope you didn't forget to buckle up cause that's one massively wild ride on the ego trip train... seriously? you get a big mixed bag on line that's not a personal failure that's just a fact! I could tell you some horror stories that would make getting stood up look like a ride at Disney land from people who seamed normal as anything people who I knew for years on line. But on the flip side I have also met some awesome people who have ended up being very close and true friends. Like I said a mixed bag but to bash the op just cause she hasn't had much luck is ignorant indeed! I'm sure you will run into a wacko despite your "superior super duper screening technique's" and when you do I hope you are knocked back down to reality.. 1
readynow Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 This is terrible! I'm a huge fan of OLD and have made many friends that way if it didn't work out as lovers. I've never used a free site though, I don't trust those at all. On a free site, he could be anyone. Not having to link a verified credit card to your account, he or she could be underage, the homeless guy near work, or just a creep trying to make your life a comedy show! There'll always be weirdos online but at least if something really bad happens, the police can get their details from the site which will include credit card, then house address etc I personally would never agree to go on a date with someone without speaking to them over the phone because I need to at least know how he sounds. If he lives far away, I need to chat on Skype. I also want a full name, know where he works etc and he must have an online identity - he must be googleable. Call me crazy but a broken heart I can take - a broken head, not so much.
phineas Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 Don't assume it was that nefarious, and even if it was just imagine the kind of loser that's sitting at home watching a webcam instead of on a date with a live woman. It's almost pathetic enough to feel sorry for. =/ In the future always have a backup plan and never expect them to show up and you'll never be disappointed. Plus it will be so much more satisfying when they do. I always pick a place to meet where I know I can have a good time solo if I get flaked on. It happens. I've had women text me they were "around the corner" then never show. Really? Whatever. You can't make a big deal about online dates. 1
Babolat Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 I cant actually believed this happened. My very 1st date since my breakup too! The story is this.... OKC website btw. Been emailing this guy back/forth through the website. He asked me to dinner and said ok. Here is my number just text me. He emailed back saying that he did not exchange personal information until after he meets someone. Thought that was odd, but ok. So, we proceed to email on where/when to meet. This was for yesterday (Sunday). I was a nervous wreck all day about it ( should have listened to my body and cancelled). Anyway, get ready, drive to the location, pay to park, go to the location which was real nice. The whole area had outside seating, music being played on the street. I dont see him so I sit down to wait. 30 minutes goes by and nothing. I finally get up and leave feeling humiliated. Someone is either messing with women and its just a hoax or the guy drove up, saw me, and ran. Dont think its the latter. Funny thing here is.... The place we met had an outside live cam so you could check at anytime to see the place. I bet this a** sat at home viewing the live cam, saw me sitting there, and just laughed about it. What kind of person does that? Total opens my eyes to OLD and not trusting it. I did report him this morning. Hopefully it doesnt happen to anyone else. Lesson learned, right? And don't blame this on OLD. I am trying OLD again and it's so much different for me than it was 2 1/2 years ago when I tried it seriously. My filters and boundaries are better; I am in a better place. I've been texting with an amazingly gorgrous woman for a week or so. Her life is "too busy" to talk on the phone. I was gettign a lot of "maybe" "possibly" "probably" from her so I finally texted her and said our communication seems off, you seem distracted, good luck on your search and journey. Wow, she immediately texted me back stating she has been real busy, sorry she wants to meet, that she does not like to spend a lot of time chatting prior and build things up in her head. I suggested a day and time, she said okay. One day prior I texted her to confirm. Same reply "maybe" "possibly" "probably" crap. So again I texted her and said our communication seems off, you seem distracted, good luck on your search and journey. Same result. I then suggested a place and time for the next day. Next day comes, still no reply. I finally texted her again and said our communication seems off, I don't know how to communicate with you, you seem distracted, good luck on your search and journey. She is a hottie, like gorgeous, a 9+. 2 /1/2 years ago I would have hung in there because of that, and I did longer than I should have this time because of her looks. Now though, I put my energy and time into good - healthy things and move on to the next one a lot quicker. Your inner voice was talking to you about this guy; listen to it. if you, you need to talk, hear their voice prior to meeting, then set that boundary and stick to it. Don't let them control you like that. Good luck to you. Oh, I was on OKC too, and did not like it. I switched to Match with much better results.
rocketman122 Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 Im sorry for your situation. hes a dick. blessing in disguise. leave it. chalk it up to experience. old isnt all bad, just you have to learn to filter and that takes experience. sending you a big hug.
Teraskas Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 OLD obviously works for me. If it doesn't work for you then it must be user error. Picking the wrong types, not reading between the lines, not asking the right questions, not listening to your gut... I don't know. But to say it's rubbish and blame other people being jerks for your failure... it's just not true. What is this, I don't even... No offense, but words fail me at the moment to describe this paragraph generated facepalm. Get off that high horse already, lol. So, by your definition, I (or others for that matter) am to be blamed for women who couldn't make up their mind ? To be categorised as "User Failure" whereas I have all my stuff together, actually know what I want, don't play games and am genuinely looking for a relationship ? Wrong, as I know how to 'read between the lines' and gather background information on people. As a matter of fact, THAT'S even my job. - The first one just got out of a relationship a few months ago. Yep, clearly my fault. - The 'no spark' type who had a way too busy life to even TRY to fit a boyfriend into it ? Oh, my fault again, no question there. - Women dropping off the face off the earth and cut all contact, including the ones who don't even show up on the actual date, nor return phonecalls and messages ? But why, of course. - A woman who I was dating who suddenly did a complete 180 personality-wise and accused me of being manipulative despite no manipulation taking place ? Oh, definitely my fault again. If the women I encountered were actually honest about their intentions and their search it would've saved me a lot of headache and wasted time. Not to mention if one of them even had the courage to take things a step further, I wouldn't still be single 2,5 years later to this day... All fine and dandy that you're having such 'great luck' with OLD, but to assume that something is wrong with someone and blame it on user failure is just an utterance of someone so entirely disconnected from this planet, as others here have said. 2
TheBladeRunner Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 (edited) Well, I've never been stood up on OLD. A couple of times I've had cancellations the day before. A couple of times I've had lateness but I've always got a message saying stuck in traffic there in 20 mins or whatever. I've met at least 20-30 so it can't just be luck of the draw. OLD obviously works for me. If it doesn't work for you then it must be user error. Picking the wrong types, not reading between the lines, not asking the right questions, not listening to your gut... I don't know. But to say it's rubbish and blame other people being jerks for your failure... it's just not true. In bold I can agree with, but no matter how astute your screening skills are some jack-wagons ARE going to slip through. Bad behavior on their part cannot and should not be considered "user error". I have been stood up and blown off by dates that even after I talked to them on the phone and seemed to click with me that failed show up or call. This has happened only a few times, but it is very rude. I even called and left a message asking if they were OK, still no reply. Then there's the one's who DO show up then just disappear.......if you aren't into me, just tell me, I'm OK with that. People need to just be honest. I had one occasion where "I" almost stood someone up, sort of. I showed up, saw my date, and she was nothing like her profile pics; she was about 70 pounds heavier. Rather than just walk out before she saw me, I went over, we had a drink, and told her it just wasn't clicking for me. No reason to be nasty. Whatever you do OP, don't give up! OLD or IRL can ALL be a challenge, just keep trying, there are some good ones out there. Edited June 9, 2014 by TheBladeRunner Forgot something
Author SadNLonley Posted June 9, 2014 Author Posted June 9, 2014 Whatever you do OP, don't give up! OLD or IRL can ALL be a challenge, just keep trying, there are some good ones out there. I do appreciate everyones advice on this OLD thing. I am definitely picking up tips and have decided that this incident is just experience. Nothing more to it. Its just a shame that someone is that shallow to do something like that. I do look like my pics (maybe even better in person) and for some reason he just wasnt man enough to just call it off or just be a creep. Have to say though, I dont think this OLD thing is for me. I still have a profile out there, but Im really hoping that I get the opportunity to meet someone IRL. Its great that some people have luck on OLD because there are tons of people out there. To each his own I guess. Thanks for all the input (good and bad).
rocketman122 Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 I do appreciate everyones advice on this OLD thing. I am definitely picking up tips and have decided that this incident is just experience. Nothing more to it. Its just a shame that someone is that shallow to do something like that. I do look like my pics (maybe even better in person) and for some reason he just wasnt man enough to just call it off or just be a creep. Have to say though, I dont think this OLD thing is for me. I still have a profile out there, but Im really hoping that I get the opportunity to meet someone IRL. Its great that some people have luck on OLD because there are tons of people out there. To each his own I guess. Thanks for all the input (good and bad). dont give up so fast on OLD. you can meet a lot of people you wouldnt have a chance to meet in a short amount of time and select the ones you think you may be compatible. if you think about it, OLD is exactly the opposite of traditional dating though. for instance, if you go to a cafe and see a guy, you like how he looks, you guys talk and then get to know each other. with old, you first read about the person first, talk with them 2nd and then see them 3rd. the 3rd part is usually the toughest part because as many say "I look good" it simply isnt exactly true from the many dates ive been on. and as a pro photographer, the camera lies. I can manipulate light for a specific look, I can make people look better or worse with the focal length of lens I use. its not what it seems. im not saying you dont look like your picture, its just that ive been to too many dates already so I can confirm its not always so. I look young for my age is the one that makes me chuckle though. I never say I look good and young for my age" because its not relevant. the person youre meeting is the ultimate decider, and you of him..
Lipitor11 Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 Yikes! What a jerk!!! Gotta be careful on okcupid, I think the whole part on how the guy felt uncomfortable exchanging info was a red flag! I never heard of a guy doing that!
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