SadNLonley Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 I cant actually believed this happened. My very 1st date since my breakup too! The story is this.... OKC website btw. Been emailing this guy back/forth through the website. He asked me to dinner and said ok. Here is my number just text me. He emailed back saying that he did not exchange personal information until after he meets someone. Thought that was odd, but ok. So, we proceed to email on where/when to meet. This was for yesterday (Sunday). I was a nervous wreck all day about it ( should have listened to my body and cancelled). Anyway, get ready, drive to the location, pay to park, go to the location which was real nice. The whole area had outside seating, music being played on the street. I dont see him so I sit down to wait. 30 minutes goes by and nothing. I finally get up and leave feeling humiliated. Someone is either messing with women and its just a hoax or the guy drove up, saw me, and ran. Dont think its the latter. Funny thing here is.... The place we met had an outside live cam so you could check at anytime to see the place. I bet this a** sat at home viewing the live cam, saw me sitting there, and just laughed about it. What kind of person does that? Total opens my eyes to OLD and not trusting it. I did report him this morning. Hopefully it doesnt happen to anyone else.
d0nnivain Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Wow. I'm so sorry that happened. Going forward, I'd say to a potential date, I need a # in case one of us gets lost or stuck in traffic. 4
Charmander Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 You really need a hug. I am soooo sorry. People can be dicks, yes; however, now you know what you need before you go on a date with someone on OLD sites. I don't think everyone on OLD is like this, but your first shot was a peach. Don't worry this one guy was likely a tool who was too jaded and flakey to understand how the world works. Sounds to me like if he even did show up you probably wouldn't have liked him anyways. 2
J21 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 That is terrible... omg.. im sorry to hear. Just get a number next time, if he doesn't want to give it to you, decline the meet. Similar thing happened to me--I met a girl from OLD and didn't have her number. She changed her profile pic to some far away shot with sunglasses so I wasn't even sure who I was looking for. I was waiting for like 30 minutes, didnt have her number, and wasn't even sure what she looked like. She eventually showed up but still, that wait time and unknowing part sucked. 4
DArtagnan2 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Im sorry he didn't show and not even a call. I am becoming very un-fond of online dating.
gaius Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Don't assume it was that nefarious, and even if it was just imagine the kind of loser that's sitting at home watching a webcam instead of on a date with a live woman. It's almost pathetic enough to feel sorry for. =/ In the future always have a backup plan and never expect them to show up and you'll never be disappointed. Plus it will be so much more satisfying when they do. 1
Author SadNLonley Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 Im trying not to let this hurt my ego. I think I just picked a real winner 1st time out.
J21 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Similar thing happened to me--I met a girl from OLD and didn't have her number. She changed her profile pic to some far away shot with sunglasses so I wasn't even sure who I was looking for. I was waiting for like 30 minutes, didnt have her number, and wasn't even sure what she looked like. She eventually showed up but still, that wait time and unknowing part sucked. I felt like I was part of some sketchy drug deal... I was like this is ridiculous!
Imported Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Probably make an episode of it for Catfish:The Show. That dude is probably nothing like the photos you saw. If I ever do online dating, gonna demand a video chat. You can do that without really giving much personal info that can't be changed easily. And it's kinda hard to fake it.
J21 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Im trying not to let this hurt my ego. I think I just picked a real winner 1st time out. Definitely. Shake it off and keep that positive outlook. You'll have another meet pretty soon
Author SadNLonley Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 Probably make an episode of it for Catfish:The Show. That dude is probably nothing like the photos you saw. If I ever do online dating, gonna demand a video chat. You can do that without really giving much personal info that can't be changed easily. And it's kinda hard to fake it. Im questioning the entire profile at this point. Maybe the video chat is the way to go.
TigerLilly78 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Um im going to play devils advocate for a min here and say maybe something came up? has he made any effort to contact you since? its a slim chance but maybe he has a genuine reason? if not then yeah he's just a asshatt and im sorry that happened to you..
PegNosePete Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Ya cos no-one ever got stood up before OLD was invented right?? Don't get why OLD gets so much stick, it's not OLD that is to blame here, it is PEOPLE. People treat other people badly whether they meet them on OLD, in a bar, a nightclub or the greengrocers. It happens. Sure it's horrible but you need to realize that this is just one jerk, the next guy you meet (whether on OLD or in a supermarket or at a work party) could be really nice... or he could stand you up again. If you take no risks then you get no rewards. For what it's worth I met a really nice woman about a month ago who didn't want to swap phone numbers either, we had our 5th date yesterday, it's going really well. Some people are just cagey with their personal info, maybe because they got stalked or abused or whatever in the past. What can you do... either accept the risk of not being able to contact them by phone, or say you don't want to meet. 4
Author SadNLonley Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 has he made any effort to contact you since? No contact since, and yes he had my number if he needed to cancel. PegNosePete- Yes I get that I get that you need to take risks. I also get that anyone can be played. In my own personal experience, this has never happened. The part that kills me is the Live Cam thing. Who knows if it anything to do with it, but its sick to think an adult would play a game like that.
me85 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 I'm so sorry that happened to you! It's ok though. Don't let it get you down girl. You know you rock. That guy just sucks all the way around. Says a lot about his character. I DO NOT do OLD. Period. BUT I'm not at all judging people that do. HOWEVER, I have recently become addicted to Tinder. It's absolute GENIUS, I tell you! Brilliant, I say!!! Try that maybe ?? Any kind of social networking/dating can be very dangerous. For some reason, I feel more comfortable with Tinder. It pulls from FB accounts and it's local. You get to see if you have mutual friends & it has the message feature. I dunno, just seems more legit and promising for meeting people.
HappyLove Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Unfortunately this is VERY common with OLDing! People are flakes and jerks. You need a VERY thick skin to OLD. I personally have tried it and it's a HUGE waste of time. You need to watch for red flags like him not wanting to exchange info. A man should be able to at least give a phone number and technically you should know a strangers first and last name before meeting them so you can inform a friend just in case. Sure a woman can be a little more hesitant and most men would understand but a man behaving like this is a red flag. I also found that the men who set up dates super fast like next day turned out to be huge flakes then again OLDing is a waste if time period. Sorry this happened to you but with OLDing unfortunately it happens a lot. At least you weren't dating him for 3 months and then he disappeared! Been there done that. 6
J21 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 ^ Its sometimes the luck of the draw. I know there are really decent people out there just looking for their better half. No ulterior motives period. Its sad that a few bad apples spoiled the reputation for OLD.
TheBladeRunner Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Sorry this happened to you OP, it's happened to me more than once, but I did have a number. I am very big on being prompt, and if they are more than 10 minutes late I call, many do not answer, but at least I know what the deal is and I can move on to something more productive. ALWAYS get a number, and if they don't want to give it up move on quickly. OLD can be tough, I am temped to go back to it as it's easy to get dates, but getting the blow-off from someone IRL happens as well. People can be such flakes......but they are not ALL bad.
toml Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 OP you got lucky. i wish i got stood up. i had a girl invite me out with her friend to a club and told me she wanted me to come only to ignore me the whole night and get off with another guy. thr big mistake was going by myself to see her. i now never go by myself to meet girls i really like esp if their friend is coming
organizedchaos Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Im sorry he didn't show and not even a call. I am becoming very un-fond of online dating. Why, cuz this never happens outside of OLD? 1
HappyLove Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 It sucks to get stood up because you kinda feel like everyone is watching and knows what happened. Hopefully this gem will make you feel better OP. I once went out w an OLD and we went out in the afternoon I think it was just a lunch date and drive. He was sooooo into me he wanted to meet up again that night! So I went home got changed put on my brand new outfit only to never hear from him again! Never picked me up or called and said never mind! Imagine how confused and shocked I was! All dressed up with nowhere to go with a man I JUST saw! Bunch of jerks online just read the boards!
sillyanswer Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 I dont see him so I sit down to wait. 30 minutes goes by and nothing. I finally get up and leave feeling humiliated. Someone is either messing with women and its just a hoax or the guy drove up, saw me, and ran. I've had "no shows" before and sometimes I've wondered the same thing: did she spy me from the other side of the bar and change her mind or did she just not bother showing up. It's an unfortunate aspect of dating strangers - if they flake on you there's no comeback. It's annoying as hell. 1
FitChick Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 I've had "no shows" before and sometimes I've wondered the same thing: did she spy me from the other side of the bar and change her mind or did she just not bother showing up. If you post clear, current photos, the chances of that happening are unlikely unless they were planning to stand you up regardless, out of anger for the opposite sex. 1
Author SadNLonley Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 (edited) An aside. What exactly is an outside cam he can check from home? We use cameras on wards at work and he would have some special view, detailed imaging, etc? We rarely use ours because they don't really show much of anything unless rewound and gone over. There is a webcam outside the building so that at anytime you can click a link on the website to see a live view of what is going on. Edited June 2, 2014 by SadNLonley
Baller25 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 There is a webcam outside the building so that at anytime you can click a link on the website to see a live view of what is going on. I think despite all the other reasons we can think of, that one is probably the real reason. The fat guy was on his couch wacking off with his laptop in front of him (or probably connected to his TV) as he saw you waiting there for him. It's cruel, crude and creepy and although I can see why he'd be into that kind of thing it's hard to believe anyone would be heartless enough to do it. Although it was a waste of time, you did dodge a bullet and learnt a lesson. What kind of a guy, a man, would have issues giving out his number.
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