Tiger Lilly Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 (edited) So I was with who I thought was the love of my life for 6 years we dated all through high school went through so much together was told we weren't allowed to date and had our ups and downs and got to the point we're he broke up with me and said he loves me but isn't in love with me and wanted to be friends but we spend like almost everyday together and we even sleep with each other intimately still and argue like we are and he said that we need to work on our self before we can date he also goes back and fourth on that though he says he does and than doesn't or thinks we should just be friends depends on if we are fighting or not he claims he doesn't want anyone else but when we first broke p he was trying to date one girl that was known to be with anyone. It hurt to find out he lied he says it's a rebellious point cause when we first dated we were each others first and at some point in our six years of dating we tried to see if we could date other people he went and party ed and so did I but I slept with one other person I told him but he still gets mad about it. anyways I'm just so confused on what to do I love him so much I don't want to lose him. Edited June 2, 2014 by Tiger Lilly
d0nnivain Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 You have already lost him. You two are broken up. The fact that you still have sex with him means that he's horny & you are making it easy. If you want to get healthy & happy, cut him off. He's either going to come back to having an exclusive relationship with you (unlikely) or he will move on & leave you to get over him. 1
chados Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 You have already lost him. You two are broken up. The fact that you still have sex with him means that he's horny & you are making it easy. If you want to get healthy & happy, cut him off. He's either going to come back to having an exclusive relationship with you (unlikely) or he will move on & leave you to get over him. true. its an ego boost to still have him around. but youre gonna hurt yourself even more if you dont let go. stop talking to him and tell him you cant see him anymore.
Author Tiger Lilly Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 Thanks for the advice and we don't always sleep together we do go out to eat or see movies it feels as if we are dating He acts like we are I mean like if I don't like him talking to someone he stops like we almost had a daughter together but I mis carried this was three years ago he tells me he won't ever be able to love anyone else or be with anyone the way he was with me just
Zahara Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Thanks for the advice and we don't always sleep together we do go out to eat or see movies it feels as if we are dating He acts like we are I mean like if I don't like him talking to someone he stops like we almost had a daughter together but I mis carried this was three years ago he tells me he won't ever be able to love anyone else or be with anyone the way he was with me just It doesn't matter. He's enjoying the benefits of what a relationship has to offer without having to commit to it. So, he gets the company, the sex, the fun times, the hand holding, etc. without having to be in a relationship with you. Stop it. The only thing you're doing is enabling him. The more you provide him with what he needs at the expense of your own, the more you set yourself up for hurt. You're a soft landing for him while he transitions from this break-up to the next girl. If a man told me he isn't in love with me anymore and doesn't want to be in a relationship with me, that would be my sign to walk.
Author Tiger Lilly Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 He says we need to work on things before we get back together idk im just so confused
stillafool Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 There's nothing to be confused about. He has stated he is not in love with you. He spends time with you hanging out and having sex but when the girl comes along that he falls in love with he is going to remind you that he TOLD YOU that he wasn't in love. Right now you have a FWB type of relationship and if you don't cut him off now you will get hurt later. What is the point of staying with a man who isn't in love with you when you are in love with him? Note: Please use comas and periods to make it easier for us to read what you write.
Zahara Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 He says we need to work on things before we get back together idk im just so confused "he said that we need to work on our self before we can date" Really? So you both have to work on your issues before you two can date but it's no big deal that he continues to sleep with you and carries on with all the fun dating stuff with you? Makes zero sense. You're not confused. You're just afraid to see it for what it is.
chados Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 "he said that we need to work on our self before we can date" Really? So you both have to work on your issues before you two can date but it's no big deal that he continues to sleep with you and carries on with all the fun dating stuff with you? Makes zero sense. You're not confused. You're just afraid to see it for what it is. Listen to this. It is what it is. It takes no genius to tell that you need to wake up and face reality. We've all been there some of us don't get it at first or shall I say don't want to admit it. We go through pain for months. Then there others that takes the advice and moves on. Not only so they feel better but often the ex comes crawling back realizing that the other moved on before him or her. Now that doesn't mean get back together. It means that to let go is always the safest option.
Author Tiger Lilly Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 I know just hard to been with him for six years like everybody our friends his friends and family and Co workers tell me that I'm all he talks about they say he cries sometimes it's just hard to walk away when we been through so much I mean its just not as easy I know I seem pathetic and desperate for still hanging out with him just he wrote me some letters we live in the same town he tells me we just have a few things to work on together and find the spark we once had to be honest I'm just ugh don't know How to explain what I'm thinking
Zahara Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Your situation isn't unique. People in long term relationships have ended and have had to struggle through the pain to get to the other side. Marriages ending in divorce with years of history. These things happen. If he cries and all he talks about is you, what does it all mean when he is still not choosing to be with you. The tears and words aren't enough to make him love you again. He's going through his own withdrawals from the break-up so in order to alleviate his emotions, he does this song and dance with you. That's what he is doing. You're afraid to let go. So you sit there and do whatever he wants, hopefully to make him want you back. You'll eat up everything and anything he says when it's very clear the relationship is over. The thing is, he will never realize your value if you sit there and cater to him. The only way he's going to be able to make a decision is to feel the loss of you. Disappear on him. He will never feel it if you keep giving him all the benefits with zero commitment. It's a painful choice to leave. But it's temporary pain. Sitting around and waiting for him to make up his mind about you, that's just indefinite pain. And how sad is it to sit around and wait for someone to decide whether they can love you? You deserve better.
chados Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I understand but it's not your job to get someone that left you back. Trust me don't put yourself in that situation.
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