Omei Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 (edited) I was friends with a girl for about 11 years we were very close emotionally. In the last few months things about our friendship have bothered me greatly. She is extremely secretive she doesn't like to talk about her feelings or let people in, being her best friend as she claims I should be so. It all started last month when she got out of control wasted she was spending the night at my place so she can hide from her bf and the fact that she didn't book her hours for the week (they live together hes going to find out) so she can pretend she's working. I spend the night watching her flirt and tease other men on her 4 year man and get annoyed I tell her its not right, the night gos on and I spent all the way till 12 pm the next day taking care of her worrying about her while she runs away gets lost I try to call her bf but I cant because she doesn't want me to see yet phone msgs she hooked to her phone like its her life I assume because its filled with secrets. Anyway after that weekend ive had it just the fact I couldn't call her bf to take her home, I confront her with things that bother me deeply in our friendship that ive tried too before but this time im firm.... 11 years.... I have not met a single family member. She has always said her family is horrid and she barely seeing them but still I dont even know her mothers name. I can accept her family is a loss for her but she doesn't express anything about it. I only met her bf once very briefly over 4 years ago she doesn't speak about him unless I bring him up I cant even tell if she loves the guy I have no idea where she lives ive been to her other places in the past but not since she's lived with her bf I have never been invited over. Often when she cancels things her reasonings are lame and excuse like "I have to do laundry" or "its too cold" I always offer to come there still no avail I think its because she finds something better to do than me, and she lies. We're really close emotionally we help each other out, with food, she will babysit, I will help her anything we need we have each others back, we hang out often but its only at my place. Rarely does she agree to actually going somewhere. When we were teens we lived together it was a little better but she would still go out, vanish not tell me about her locations etc. I dont think im being unreasonable being best friends for so long and sharing so much her hiding her side of her life while mine is completely open to her like my kid, my family my thoughts and feelings the basics like knowing her address seriously bothers me I feel like our whole friendship always rests on my efforts and shoulder. I do not think its normal!!! I have told her all this before, and again today she takes me off FB, tells me she hates the fights lately we never fight only since ive wanted to be let into her life, says she doesn't need the drama and she really wants to give up the friendship than try. She says things like she's heartbroken im having so much thought into if our friendship is real but can you really blame me? She rather run away than open up wtf or work on us **** people seriously. I find it all really hurtful. Edited June 2, 2014 by Omei
preraph Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 The first thing you said is she gets out of control wasted, so I'm going to assume a substance abuse problem is playing a big part in this and that that's going to keep getting worse because her parents and childhood are so bad she doesn't even want to talk about it. So she's just going to keep trying to numb herself to this pain that only a psychiatrist and a good rehab facility and the will to get help will fix. Chances are she's burned out her welcome plenty other places. She will probably have to hit bottom to even think she needs help. You can't fix her. She's doing things to survive that aren't the right things to do because she doesn't have her s**t together enough to survive like everyone else does and probably doesn't want to work because that would slow her down from getting obliterated. Of course, she shouldn't be babysitting your child. No telling what she might do. Keep your eyes open because she may turn to prostitution. Drunks and addicts usually run off anyone who questions their choices. If she ever gets sober, maybe she'll come back around, but I certainly wouldn't be inviting it unless she does, which is doubtful if her pain is so bad she won't even talk about family.
Author Omei Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 (edited) The first thing you said is she gets out of control wasted, so I'm going to assume a substance abuse problem is playing a big part in this and that that's going to keep getting worse because her parents and childhood are so bad she doesn't even want to talk about it. So she's just going to keep trying to numb herself to this pain that only a psychiatrist and a good rehab facility and the will to get help will fix. Chances are she's burned out her welcome plenty other places. She will probably have to hit bottom to even think she needs help. You can't fix her. She's doing things to survive that aren't the right things to do because she doesn't have her s**t together enough to survive like everyone else does and probably doesn't want to work because that would slow her down from getting obliterated. Of course, she shouldn't be babysitting your child. No telling what she might do. Keep your eyes open because she may turn to prostitution. Drunks and addicts usually run off anyone who questions their choices. If she ever gets sober, maybe she'll come back around, but I certainly wouldn't be inviting it unless she does, which is doubtful if her pain is so bad she won't even talk about family. No she's not a drunk that was a one time occasion were she was being wild, no she doesn't have childhood neglect or abuse she just isn't close with her family, and she has a high paying job, she's been good with my child from birth and they too have a good bond I trust her totally with my kid she does everything to my wishes with her Keep my eyes open she may go be a prostitute? LOL I cant take your post srsly sorry. You were right when you said you were going to make assumptions. I just dont understand why she won't let me in that's all. The drunkin night only started my episode of questioning everything because she was not being herself and the fact she wouldn't let me call her bf.....friends should be able to do that then I started noticing other stuff that bothered me. She has serious problems with confrontations I already know that. Edited June 2, 2014 by Omei
preraph Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 (edited) Oh. Well, I think I get the picture now. She's normal as long as you overlook that she said she doesn't like her family and is hiding from her boyfriend and pretending to work but isn't really working, and then, oh, yeah, during the 11 years you've known her she doesn't let you have her address and it's always up to you to make contact, plus she's annoyed at you for obsessing about your lopsided friendship. But at least she's babysitting for free? Edited June 2, 2014 by preraph
Author Omei Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 (edited) She's babysat twice in 11 years so I dont think im keeping her on board for her babysitting qualitys.... she is....was a really good friends always there for each other esp in our teen years, early twentys she would have me over my whole post is about why now she's distant with her life, bf why im not invited over etc before I started asking these things we were fine it seems in tue last 5 years we go everywhere but anything that has to do with her personal life I also stated I haven't had her address since she's lived with her bf. I never said its always up to me to make contact... Look if your going to reply to my post stop adding things in. Edited June 2, 2014 by Omei
Author Omei Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 Im just bummed she's willing to give up without even talking about what's changed.
nofeelings22 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 She is who she is. Why are you trying to change her? Seems she has always been like this in many ways. Just accept her eccentric behavior amd have a laugh at it or move on.
Author Omei Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 She is who she is. Why are you trying to change her? Seems she has always been like this in many ways. Just accept her eccentric behavior amd have a laugh at it or move on. She was the one that wanted to enrich our friendship after the embarrassment of the episode like do other things together that were more active which is why I brought up the stuff like well you never invite me to things your attending or have your bf around. Anyway she's completely flipped its over. Doesn't matter now. She's always been the type to give up rather make efforts.
preraph Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I never said its always up to me to make contact... Look if your going to reply to my post stop adding things in. You said "I feel like our whole friendship always rests on my efforts."
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