Js2493 Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 So I spoke to my ex yesterday over text. It's been about 3 months since we've broken up and now I have even more questions than I did when we initially broke up. I'm 21, she's 19, and she is the one who ended things. I'd been NC with her for about a month but I felt like for me to really be able to move on, I had to talk to her about ever trying us again. For some reason (which logically doesn't make any sense), I felt that it if I began to move on that I was giving up on her when in reality she gave up a long time ago. Anyways, here are some of the things we talked about... I texted her and explained that I still had feelings for her and was still holding on to the thought of us ever trying again. And if she knew she didn't want to or she had moved on and how she felt about me. She said that she couldn't try again because she didn't want to take the risk of the same thing happening. *Towards the end of our relationship, we would fight very often. Usually never huge fights or about anything important. It would be small things that either her or I would end up getting mad about which would escalate into an argument. Her reasons for the breakup were that I was too clingy, too controlling, and too jealous, and they all caused these fights. Here's one of the things I dont understand...About 2 months after we were together I found out that she was texting and messaging guys by looking at her facebook messages. (I know it's a ****ty thing to do but I had my doubts) She didn't know that I saw them. Some of which she had a thing with before me. I also found out that on her family vacation, she had planned to hang out with one of these guys who she was serious with before me. Another time, she was texting a guy and when I asked, she said she had no idea about how he even got her number. I gave her a chance to come clean and be honest, but she swore on my life she had no idea what I was talking about and that's when I told her I already knew and wanted to give her the opportunity to come clean with me. After this though, stuff with other guys wasn't really ever a problem. There would be the occasionally guys who would still try and get with her, but she would ignore them. Fast forward about a year. The same thing happens with other guys texting and asking to hang out but she swears they are just friends (we're both in college). She begins to cancel a lot of our plans together and doesn't want to spend as much time with me as before. I begin to get very jealous and we end up fighting alot about this. Here are some of the questions I'm left with... Was I wrong for not being able to trust her a year later? I wanted to trust her, but I didn't want to risk losing her or feeling that shame and embarrassment that I felt before for the same reason. Anytime I explained this to her, she said I needed to let it go and got mad because I was bringing up the past. She says she still cares about me? 2 days after we broke up, she told me she wasn't sure if she even loved me and that I wouldnt ever be good enough for her (this was after we were together for 2 years). Why is she dragging me through the mud? I know for strong NC, looking at their social media isn't good but hey, we all make mistakes. She posts a lot of negative things about me and how bad the relationship was. A lot of my friends will even come to me and tell me things they've heard that just aren't even true...For example: She said I was a controlling a**hole who wouldn't let her do what she wanted. But she didn't tell them the reason that I was like that was because of her always seeking attention from other guys. I'm just really confused because since day 1 of the BU, she has pinned everything on me. I'll be the first to admit that I made mistakes and I wasn't perfect but she honestly believes that everything was my fault. That she had no other option than to end things because it was that bad. And that really hurts because I feel I did everything I could to be the best for her. I know this may be kind of hard to follow. Alot of this is just me ranting and and needing clarity. If anybody could offer some insight it would really help. Thanks everybody:rolleyes:
ababila Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Without knowing details of the nature of your ex's communication with those other guys, it's hard to say whether your were overreacting and being overly jealous. Do you have other evidence that she was cheating, or was trying to cheat, on you? Is it possible that she really just wanted to hang out them as regular friends? When you saw her FB messages, was she flirting with them, or were they like normal friend-to-friend messages, like "Hey, how're you?" "I'm doing well." "Hey found a new sushi place that was pretty good. Should go and check it out some time and catch up." "Yeah, that'd be great."... I think it is perfectly normal for her to want to just hang out with her own friends, whether they're guys or girls. And if she really wasn't flirting or cheating on you with other guys, I can see why she might feel that you're being overly possessive or jealous. Just some thoughts.
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