whatdreamsmaycome Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 We work together, and since we started dating months ago, he's gotten louder and louder. Especially when we'd have a little tiff and weren't speaking to each other that's when he'd be literally yelling things across the office... I always thought it was to get my attention. Well, the first work day after our break up, he did his whole obnoxious bit, and I went to my supervisor (I had warned the ex that I would do this if he couldn't contain himself). Ever since, he's as quiet as a mouse and kinda keeps to himself. Do you think it's because: a) The supervisor talked some sense into him b) He feels guilty about the break up c) He's actually starting to process the break (it's been 3 weeks) and starting to feel the pain of not having me around. The only reason why I say this is because i heard him laugh the other day, and it was definitely one of those laughs that you can barely get out because you feel like you're going to cry, but the situation warrants a laugh... anyone know what I'm talking about? And he doesn't make regular conversation with anyone anymore. d) He's heavily medicated (he does have a few prescriptions) Whaddaya think?
jbelle6 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Seriously? You tattled on him for being annoying? LOL 2
mammasita Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Why would you ever date a coworker.....but to answer your question, nobody's personality just changes. 2
Elle1975 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 We work together, and since we started dating months ago, he's gotten louder and louder. Especially when we'd have a little tiff and weren't speaking to each other that's when he'd be literally yelling things across the office... I always thought it was to get my attention. Well, the first work day after our break up, he did his whole obnoxious bit, and I went to my supervisor (I had warned the ex that I would do this if he couldn't contain himself). Ever since, he's as quiet as a mouse and kinda keeps to himself. Do you think it's because: a) The supervisor talked some sense into him b) He feels guilty about the break up c) He's actually starting to process the break (it's been 3 weeks) and starting to feel the pain of not having me around. The only reason why I say this is because i heard him laugh the other day, and it was definitely one of those laughs that you can barely get out because you feel like you're going to cry, but the situation warrants a laugh... anyone know what I'm talking about? And he doesn't make regular conversation with anyone anymore. d) He's heavily medicated (he does have a few prescriptions) Whaddaya think? You went and complained about him to HR, or whoever is above you guys. He got the message and calmed down. Who broke up with who? 1
Elle1975 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 I'm going to assume OP is the dumpee. Just a hunch. That crossed my mind as well.. hehe 1
April Moon Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 I think it is A... And he got that message loud and clear XD
Author whatdreamsmaycome Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 (edited) We broke up during a heated argument, so it's still unclear who the dumper was and who the dumpee was. Regardless, I'm NOT trying to get back with him. And yes, if someone is goading me and trying to get a reaction out of me, I will first ask politely, which I did. I asked him to stay away from my work area because it's unnecessary and a huge distraction. I don't know about you, but when I'm at work... I actually WORK! And don't need him and his arrogance trying to create some sort of workplace drama. He didn't respect what I asked him, and to avoid him doing the same thing in the future... yes, I went to his supervisor. I don't think this is "tattling" [redacted] He was way out of line with what he did. I wouldn't mind being friends with him/civil in the future... but right now, I feel it best if we both stay away from each other. Thanks to his supervisor (I'm assuming they talked), he has calmed down a lot, which I'm grateful for. And now that I think about it, this is how he was when I first started working there. That was one of the things that attracted me to him was that he seemed to mind his own business, concentrate on work, usually kept to himself... definitely wasn't loud, annoying, boisterous... etc... Edited June 5, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
jbelle6 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 (edited) You know you went and told the supervisor so it doesn't take a poll or captain obvious to tell you why he stopped. Mission accomplished, he stopped. Don't date a work!!! Edited June 5, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator topical content
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 We work together, and since we started dating months ago, he's gotten louder and louder. Especially when we'd have a little tiff and weren't speaking to each other that's when he'd be literally yelling things across the office... I always thought it was to get my attention. Well, the first work day after our break up, he did his whole obnoxious bit, and I went to my supervisor (I had warned the ex that I would do this if he couldn't contain himself). Ever since, he's as quiet as a mouse and kinda keeps to himself. Do you think it's because: a) The supervisor talked some sense into him b) He feels guilty about the break up c) He's actually starting to process the break (it's been 3 weeks) and starting to feel the pain of not having me around. The only reason why I say this is because i heard him laugh the other day, and it was definitely one of those laughs that you can barely get out because you feel like you're going to cry, but the situation warrants a laugh... anyone know what I'm talking about? And he doesn't make regular conversation with anyone anymore. d) He's heavily medicated (he does have a few prescriptions) Whaddaya think? What answer do you want??? You told him to stop and went to HR lol... and now you want our opinion of why is quiet? Sounds like you want a reaction out of him. Sounds like a bit of immaturity on both parties. I'm a guy so I dont fit into the "sassy party" 1
jbelle6 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 And that's why this was your "advice" to me?: "Seriously? You tattled on him for being annoying?" That's golden, jbelle6 And for the people posting that it was SO OBVIOUS that it was HR... really? The incident happened, and as the days went on he progressively got quieter. Wow, some of the people that have posted to this thread are....well, not helpful to say the least! But thank you for those that actually read my post answered the question I asked, didn't make sarcastic comments, and inquired when there was questions about my situation. You guys are awesome Oh geez. I know sometimes women try to read into things that are not there. I got the impression that was you by your poll. I wondered if maybe you were watching your ex and jumped the gun with HR. I didn't think that was right. I also don't think dating at work is right. I think your poll was unnecessary because you know you went to HR and told on him so you know why he stopped. I think you wanted a bunch of girls to come on here and tell you that he wanted your attention. The more you speak, the more I feel bad for your ex. But he was dumb to date at work too. Cautionary tale. That's all I have to say.
hope2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 I think you also need to respect what he is going through after breaking up with him. Past is past and it's now time to move on!
Author whatdreamsmaycome Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 I think you also need to respect what he is going through after breaking up with him. Past is past and it's now time to move on! The thing is I'm not really sure if I would consider myself the dumper... it was a very heated argument, both of us got angry and both lashed out. I'm trying to make it as easy for him as possible, I avoid places he will be so that he doesn't have to look at me... and I thought he would do the same, but he ended up doing the exact opposite... always trying to be in my face. I didn't (actually still don't) understand it. I was asking in my original post what his thoughts were because I'm wondering if I should take a step (maybe an apology note for my end of things) to clear the air. But I would only attempt it if he was feeling... well... anything but angry and arrogant, I guess. Thank you for posting, it was the first relevant post in a long line of nonsense. Thanks!
April Moon Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Hypothetically speaking: if his personality did change, would you want to be with him?
Author whatdreamsmaycome Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 Hypothetically speaking: if his personality did change, would you want to be with him? Actually, yes, I think so. I really liked that when I first met him he was very low-key. I guess I have just been harboring the picture in my head of the break up. He was yelling so loud and dropping f-bombs everywhere that I was actually frightened for a second... and then to experience him just being so obnoxious at work, it's like he was a different person entirely.
April Moon Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Does he know that you would consider reconciliation? If he does, how does he feel about that?
Author whatdreamsmaycome Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 Does he know that you would consider reconciliation? If he does, how does he feel about that? I don't think he does know that I would consider reconciling with him. I guess because it happened so abruptly and we were both so angry that it was hard to tell who the dumper/dumpee was. On one hand, he's the one that began the argument seemingly out of nowhere (but maybe perhaps he had thought about breaking up with me and he chose this as an excuse? I don't know for sure) so I could assume that he broke up with me and if that's the case then he would know I would consider reconciliation, maybe? On the other hand, during what would have been our "cool down" period (same day of the argument), I ended up writing him some emails, with the last one telling him to never come near me again, especially at work. In this case, if he didn't think we had broken up, then he would assume that I was ending it, right? And then I guess he wouldn't know that I would consider reconciliation. I guess that's why I posted the original post, I really have no idea, so I can only gauge it by how he's acting, and right now it's very quiet.
jbelle6 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 OK. Your original post had abcd's but there was only one obvious answer so we are confused by the rest of the options. Your original post was the equivalent of asking "is Steve's name Steve?" You complained, he rectified it. It's obvious why he rectified it. We are confused why you even asked. Some of us felt you had ulterior motives, you wanted him to be trying to get your attention. You don't like that he's gone a few weeks just fine with you not talking. We don't know if he was loud or if you perceived him that way, was he talking to girls at work? I bet you would HATE that. We are not mind readers. I see that you want him back? After reporting him at work? Good luck. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 (edited) No, he didn't change his personality in three weeks. He's probably scared for his job because you tattled on him therefore he's being extra quiet and avoiding the hell out of you. Which he should. Back in the day, I dated a co-worker and that relationship went south. Months after it died (a breakup that shattered me) this ex decided to levy a complaint to HR about me. Luckily it was a completely groundless complaint and my bosses told me that they had my back, but I didn't speak to her at the office for the next three months. Even when I needed to consult with her on something (which only happened 2-3 times, we worked in different departments) I used a go-between to communicate with her because I refused to talk to her. She stabbed me in the back and I wasn't going to let that slide. The only time I talked to her was on her last day, when she tearfully apologized and asked for my forgiveness. I basically said "yeah sure, whatever, good luck" and she went on her way. The good thing about this is I went from 100 to 0 in wanting to get back with her. Now I read you'd want him back under certain conditions. If he is anything like me, I'd say you permanently screwed the pooch on that. I randomly ran into that ex a year later after not communicating with her at all and was cordial with her. About 4-5 months after that she was at a mutual friend's event and she was flirting with me aggressively like she did when we first met. She told me she missed me and wanted to try again. I had gotten over what she did to the point where I could be friendly with her and even flirt with her, and I considered trying again, but I couldn't go back to a person that would be that blatantly disloyal and hurtful to me. So yeah, I'd guess your move of getting him in trouble at work was a death knell to any possible romantic reconciliation. So I guess my answer is e -- he's probably trying to get back in his employer's good graces out of fear for his job (especially in this economy) and feels contempt for you for taking your breakup to that place. Edited June 5, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 3
Elle1975 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 You might not have gone to his supervisor to get back at him, but that's how it looks like. It's going to follow you at work unfortunately. As for work ethic, don't date at work. 1
Zahara Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 (edited) Actually, yes, I think so. I really liked that when I first met him he was very low-key. I guess I have just been harboring the picture in my head of the break up. He was yelling so loud and dropping f-bombs everywhere that I was actually frightened for a second... and then to experience him just being so obnoxious at work, it's like he was a different person entirely. Some people deal with pain and hurt in unhealthy and odd ways. He probably went off the tracks there for a bit because that was his way of coping with his anger and hurt. Instead of dealing with it in a mature and healthy way, he lashed out. I don't think it is a personality change. In reconciling -- after reporting him to HR, I'm not quite sure if that worked in your favor. Is he quiet because: a) The supervisor talked some sense into him -- Yes, he doesn't want to lose his job and is probably stunned that you went ahead with your threat. You did report him and he is honoring your request and keeping to himself. b) He feels guilty about the break up -- No one can say how he really feels about the break-up but more likely he's still going WTF about the whole HR episode. He could be processing a lot of different feelings now after everything that has happened. c) He's actually starting to process the break (it's been 3 weeks) and starting to feel the pain of not having me around. The only reason why I say this is because i heard him laugh the other day, and it was definitely one of those laughs that you can barely get out because you feel like you're going to cry, but the situation warrants a laugh... anyone know what I'm talking about? And he doesn't make regular conversation with anyone anymore. -- I am sure he is struggling with his own emotions. It is a break-up and I am sure he is affected on some level. d) He's heavily medicated (he does have a few prescriptions) -- No one can tell if his medications are the cause of his sudden change in mood. Edited June 4, 2014 by Zahara
William Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 (edited) Closed for moderation review. Update: A bit over 30 posts deleted, a number of reminders and one moderation and whew it's finally over. On the outside chance that there are any further topical *and* respectful postings to be added, thread re-opened. Responses from the thread starter may be delayed. Sorry for the delay! Edited June 5, 2014 by William Thread processed
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