Turt1e Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 Hey all, here searching for advice. I'll make this quick. My wonderful beautiful girlfriend of 8 months broke things off a week ago after she caught me snooping for the third time. I looked her in the eye and promised I would never do it again. I have spent a lot of time in my head imagining her doing things that she flat out doesn't do. I courted this woman for months. Met her for lunch one day and seized the opportunity, turned into an amazing thing. My girl fills me with confidence and happiness and I do every little thing to show her I love and care without so much as a thought. Right from the get go she was open and honest telling me that she had been casually dating someone and needed to break it off with him. I told her I didn't want to be a apart of that in any way. She said don't worry about it, wasn't really a big deal. Turns out she was wrong, at least in my eyes. He wouldn't go away, and as hard as I tried to see she was choosing to be with me, it bothered me. A lot. I talked with her about it a few times and sometimes I got the reassurance I wanted and sometimes she would say some hurtful things to me. I held on to the hurtful things. One night we were hanging out doing the dinner and wine thing, watching a movie. She fell asleep and I did it. Picked up her phone and started going through it searching for things that were not even there. I deleted text threads and pics, totally not even realizing what I was doing. She found out, reemed my ass and told me how crazy I was. She said I was lucky, forgave me and said what's on her phone is her business. I promised I wouldn't do it again. A couple months later she caught me with her phone in my hand, I hadn't done anything, but it was enough to put me in the doghouse for a few days. A few weeks ago I blocked her exes number, totally not considering the consequences. She found out, yelled and screamed at me crying and broke it off. She said I broke her heart and she can't trust me. I had been divorced from my BPD wife for some time when I started the courting of my girlfriend. That old relationship left me damaged, I had to work real hard to get myself back. She had an emotional affair going at time of our separation I learned of. It hurt to know that someone you care about reaches out elsewhere. My girlfriend has been great, but she doesn't seem to really respect how I feel about certain things sometimes. I let it eat at me and literally feel I make mountains out of mole hills. I obsess over the slightest comment So here I am, feeling very ashamed of myself and missing my love. I am in full blown take care of myself mode and doing a lot of reading trying to make sense of my issues. She still texts and call, tells me she loves me and misses me. She says she needs space, time to think, doesn't know what she wants or what she wants out of me. She told me I was perfect, her fairy tale come true, but that I need to figure my **** out. I have apologized profusely, telling her how disgusted with myself I am, and let her know how much I love and adore her. I told her that I have and most likely always will make mistakes, but I am going to work hard at improving myself. I told her I am every bit the man she fell in love with and that I will get better. How do I handle myself with her? I want to make this right for myself and I want my girl back more than I can say. Do I have any chance?
Author Turt1e Posted June 1, 2014 Author Posted June 1, 2014 The mixed signals are brutal. Last night she gave me hope. This morning she was distant. Now she is sending me pics of her doing the things I would be helping her with if I was there, basically insinuating that she could use a hand without asking me like she normally would. I can't believe this is what I asked for. I'm worried she will end up using me to help herself get over me, at the same time I think she really wants to just get herself past the hurt and forgive me. I can't blame her either way I suppose
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