Heartbroken after 9 year relationship ends

[Monacle]

We have been together for 9 years, we first started dating when we were 18/19. He was my first serious relationship and he had been with two other girls previously but I was the first serious relationship he had been in.

 

This came as a complete shock to me. I had been away overseas for vacation for a week and the night I got back into town he came over and pulled the rug out from underneath me with the news that he wanted to take a break from us so he could work on himself. The entire time he was telling me his reasoning for wanting to do this I couldn't process anything he was saying, I was just in a state of shock to be honest. I asked him how long he had been this unhappy and he told me had been feeling unhappy for a year but while I was away he had time to think about everything and decided that this is what he needed to do. Last October, he had broke down saying that he wasn't feeling happy but he wouldn't elaborate as to what exactly. I didn't know that it was this bad. I remember asking him not to do this, that we could work things out together but he kept saying that it wouldn't be fair to him or me if we continued being in a relationship when there were things that we both needed to work on separately, mainly him. He didn't want the relationship to be a safety net to where we would change for a few days but nothing would be resolved and we'd go back to how it was before.

 

Looking back now I shouldn't have begged, I hate that I did that but I just felt so shaken I didn't know what else to say. What can you say to someone that drops a bomb like that when you weren't even expecting it? Much less after being gone for a week. The last few days of the trip I had this gut feeling he wasn't telling me something and then BAM, this happens.

 

Since that night, we have talked over the phone a few times and talked in person. I went over to his house a few weeks ago to drop off some of his things and we spent three hours talking about everything. I had this entire monologue of what I was going to say and in the end, I couldn't even get any of it out. I asked him why he felt we needed a break and what exactly that entailed specifically. He told me that he felt that we had been a couple so long that we had lost touch with who we were and that we had grown too comfortable with each other. There were other issues, mainly things he needed to work on with himself, (mainly alcohol and his home life). He said that since this was the only serious, long term relationship he had been in he wanted to see what else was out there. No woman wants to hear this response from her SO, ever. When he said that I felt so small and insignificant because that meant I was no longer enough for him.

He said that he still loves me and that he is still open to dating again but he doesn't want to put rules or a time limit on this because he doesn't think it's fair for me to wait for him or feel that if I meet these expectations that we can get back together. He said that he would still like to remain friends with me if I was open to it. When I went to leave, he walked me out to my car and gave me a hug and a very heated kiss that just left me more confused.

Since then he has been the one to initiate any communication, mainly by text. I haven't been responding back to him though I really want to and it's nothing of any substance, just how work is going or what he had done at the gym.

 

This week I ran into him at the gym and I waited until we walked back to our cars to ask him one more question that had been wiggling in the back of my mind since all this started. I had asked him if there was someone at work that he was interested in and he said yes. When I asked him if it had been going on while we were dating he told me no, that it didn't start until after we had taken the break. That they had just been talking and hadn't actually gone on a date or hung out. He looked so guilty when I asked him, like a kid who got their hand caught in the cookie jar. I wanted to hit him, hurt him, yell, scream, anything to make him hurt like I was hurting but I didn't. He's never cheated when we were together and I don't know if this is his way of filling the void now that I'm not there. He has very few people he talks to, including me and he's not close with his family really.

 

I don't even know if what he says is the truth and part of me doesn't care if it was before or after we broke up but I'm shocked that it's so soon. I think that's what hurts the most is he's all ready to move on and I'm left in the dust.

 

A large part of me wants to keep that hope that he'll come around and we can work it out together. He's still an incredible guy, although he thinks that I can do much better than him. Thinking about it now it seems that he's trying to make up for lost college years being single and enjoying himself. My head is telling me to move on without him but my heart still wants him, very much. This is the guy I thought I was going to marry and do all these wonderful, fun things with and plan a life with. Now it's all gone and I just have me and all these dreams that will never happen And that really sucks. How do you move on from something like this?

[let-it-go]

Reading what you SO said sounds so similar to what I was told on Thursday. It's horrible to think that you weren't enough to keep them. But, if they don't want to work on it, you do deserve better. It easier to say this than to realise it though.

[7yearsbroken]

It's a terrible thing to get comfortable and life hits you. Happened to me after 7years a LTR becomes a LDR and completely ends with her jumping ship.

 

I would simply advise against long term relationships under 20yrs of age. At 27 I can't invest this time and energy. If I knew they were gonna walk away and leave us in pieces..

 

That's life I guess. It's been a year and I still can't get over it. She's haunts my thoughts and dreams..

[True Gent]

I fully understand how you feel. My fiancée broke up with me to go off with someone else. Our relationship also lasted 9 years she was 19 when we met, she's 29 now and dating the other man she had lined up.

 

I'm at 7 months post break up and it does honestly become a lot more bearable. I actually wouldn't have her back now and believe me, to this day she was the love of my life. I wanted to marry her and spend the rest of my days with her, it hurt like hell. I almost couldn't function.

 

You have to focus on yourself and fight for your own well being. Seriously the best mindset for you now is to accept he is gone and isn't coming back EVER. Even if he did come back to you why should you settle for someone who could treat you this way thinking they could do better than you?

 

Honestly screw him! Think about you, take off the rose tinted glasses and think of all of the things that you didn't like about him or weren't 100% happy with. No one is perfect no matter now much you love them, so just think of all the things you think could of been better and think how he has thrown you to one side after such a long time together.

 

His initial excuses were BS just like my fiancées were. You had to fish for the real reason.

 

Seriously just accept it, sure go and cry, feel angry, sad, hurt, humiliated... The list of emotions is endless after along relationship ends like this, but if you believe in yourself and fight for YOU then you WILL survive. It's a roller coaster of an emotional ride that I'm still not at the very end of at 7 months, but honestly accepting what kind of a person they really are and letting them go is the single BEST thing you can do.

[jbelle6]

I think you should take advantage of being single and see what else is out there yourself.

 

Never never believe what the dumper says when breaking off. Don't think this was a sudden decision on his part, sounds like he probably had an emotional affair/crush on this co worker for a while that may have turned into a physical affair while you were gone. His timing says it all.

 

They NEVER admit to cheating, the dumpee always finds out it had been going on a while.

 

I'm sorry this happened, don't respond to him ever and I would recommend a new gym for sure.

Focus on you and improving yourself, he is no longer part of your plan and you'll see that that is OK.

[No Limit]

Never never believe what the dumper says when breaking off. Don't think this was a sudden decision on his part, sounds like he probably had an emotional affair/crush on this co worker for a while that may have turned into a physical affair while you were gone. His timing says it all.

 

This. He most certainly didn't randomly decide that 9 years aren't worth it anymore, rather he's probably used your vacation to intensify his affair, whether it was emotional or physical no one can tell and he most certainly won't, and the rest you know.

 

The breakup served only one purpose; get you out of the picture and other women in. Don't let it pull you down though, you've dodged a bullet.

Go for total NC, there's nothing left to say.

[Monacle]

Thanks for the support and feedback, I just had to vent it all out and it honestly has helped me get a better perspective on everything. It's gonna drive me crazy if I only think about the "What if's" and what I could have done or should have done to make it better but in reality, the outcome would still have been the same. I'm just very thankful that my friends and family are there for me and have been so supportive and have helped keep me busy. My hobbies are a good distraction but I'll catch myself drifting off and remembering him still. I think work is the most difficult because we both work in the same field and every time I'm there, something always reminds me of him.

 

I have written down my thoughts about everything and have debated sending it to him. I thought I would wait a few weeks to see how I felt, I think that this would give me closure to help move on. I told him that for the foreseeable future I couldn't be around him, I don't want to talk and I don't care to know what he's doing with his life. That I need time to do me and let myself heal. That in the future, I'd let him know when I was ready to be friends or acquaintances again. Has anyone ever done a No Contact letter or email or should I just let it be?

[Skysurfer]

Please accept my *Hug* and total and utter understanding of your situation.

 

 

I too was the dumpee of a long 7 year relationship, because of growing apart and his selfishness. It's been a year since our split and he moved on so lightening fast, my head is still spinning! Within a year of our split, he found a new gf (in 2 months), sold our beloved house and moved in with her in a new house, they are expecting a baby (after month 8) and getting married, all in under a year.

 

 

As you say he moved on so fast and left me in the dust, is EXACTLY the word how I feel too. None of the 7 years did he think about wanting to marry me or have a child with me! I thanked him for wasting my time.

 

 

It's ok to:

1. Cry, cry your heart out! Let it ALL out!

2. Be angry! Hell, you probably thought about chopping his knob off!

3. Talk to friends and family

4. Face your feelings, write in a journal, which you'll end up throwing out when you do find a new man and you'll look back and be embarrassed!

5. Burn the pictures and delete the emails, take him off Facebook! EVERYTHING of him must go!

6. Don't torture yourself, like I did. Get him to block you off Facebook and Instagram. Facestalking of his happiness will just be an incredible negative effect on what's most important, you healing.

7. If you find out your ex is going to be a dad or anything that to you seems irrational and drastic, SCREAM swear at him and move on.

 

 

BUT FOR GODS SAKE, MOVE ON TOO!! Please be happy, I ask you that

 

 

It's taken me a year to recover, but I'm going on a date Wednesday and I feel ready to give my heart to someone else, but under my conditions of course !!

 

 

There is light at the end of the tunnel. It might be a long tunnel for you. I always think, that I'm the good person here, because of the amount of recovery time its taken, as you clearly valued that relationship, unlike your loser head ex.

 

 

Good luck in finding love and happiness and time to start looking after yourself!! Love comes around unexpectedly.

[Monacle]

I found out that this has been going on while we were still together. He apparently told her that he loves her first. Found out they stayed at a hotel last thursday right down the road from his work. I hate him. I never would have thought I'd ever hate this man as much as I hate him now.

 

He told her that he thought they were moving too fast and confusing infatuation with love although he was the one to tell her he loved her first all while our supposed break was going on. I have to go over there thursday to get the rest of my things and I have no idea what to say to this. He doesn't know that I know all of this information. I just want to say "Were you sleeping with her while you were still with me? Cause obviously this has been going on waaaaaay longer than you said."

 

I don't know what to do. If I tell him I know then he's going to want to know how I know. I think that the anger makes it better to think but I don't want to be the psycho-ex that went crazy. I just want him to for once, in the entirety of this hellish break be honest with me. Is that too much to ask? Maybe I'm not thinking clearly, I haven't slept cause this has been driving me crazy. Any feedback from you guys, I'd love to hear.

[umirano]

I found out that this has been going on while we were still together. He apparently told her that he loves her first. Found out they stayed at a hotel last thursday right down the road from his work. I hate him. I never would have thought I'd ever hate this man as much as I hate him now.

Yeah, things tend to get very nasty if the couple was once close AFTER infatuation.

 

 

He told her that he thought they were moving too fast and confusing infatuation with love although he was the one to tell her he loved her first all while our supposed break was going on. I have to go over there thursday to get the rest of my things and I have no idea what to say to this. He doesn't know that I know all of this information. I just want to say "Were you sleeping with her while you were still with me? Cause obviously this has been going on waaaaaay longer than you said."

Why are you inquiring all those things. He broke up, it's over. Everything he's telling you could be and most likey is a lie. He probably tells himself he's helping you by shielding you from the ugly truth. There's only one way you can protect yourself. Stop talking to him and eliciting lies that hurt you double when you find out.

 

I don't know what to do.

I do. Stop talking to him. Get a friend to pick your stuff up or have him mail it to you.

 

If I tell him I know then he's going to want to know how I know. I think that the anger makes it better to think but I don't want to be the psycho-ex that went crazy. I just want him to for once, in the entirety of this hellish break be honest with me. Is that too much to ask? Maybe I'm not thinking clearly, I haven't slept cause this has been driving me crazy. Any feedback from you guys, I'd love to hear.

No you're not thinking clearly, you're angry and you have every right to be. But you have to understand, feeding into your anger and talking to him is going to extend your suffering. Vanish and don't honor him by reacting to his BS. Focus on yourself. Even if you manage to spark a feeling of guilt in him, what would that do for you? He's not coming back. He'll feel cornered and say more stupid things, trying to reduce the pain for you. This will obviously not work, trust me. You got to move on, he's made up his mind long ago, now he's just trying to make it easy for you, but in reality it makes it even worse.

[Skysurfer]

The last poster is bang on the money.

 

 

He stopped loving long long ago. You need to remind yourself of that!

He left you for a reason and he's not even worth your time!

 

 

You will never find out the truth, and if you do, it will just hurt you. Stop the suffering and find happiness. Understand there will be no closure from him and no matter what his answers or lies are you will never accept them. You think you will, but you won't.

 

 

You are so much better without him, and as hard as that is to hear now, you will thank yourself he didn't waste anymore of your time.

 

 

You deserve the right man who will love every bit of you for the rest of your life! There are men out there who are like that, I think...lol...I yet have to find mine :-)

 

 

Keep smiling, be with the right people who are positive and you will heal.

[True Gent]

All of the advice on here is spot on.

 

Seriously you must just draw a line under it and do your best to move on. It isn't easy I'm not going to pretend that it is. If I stop and think anout the demise of my relationship I still can't believe my exes actions. The point is though it DOESN'T MATTER. The damage is done, they didn't think enough of you to stick around and lined up another person.

 

You have to accept that. No one can blame you for being upset and angry. You'll be in a sate of shock for a while, but please do not pursue him anymore, if you don't let it go now you'll prolong your own agony. Trust me think of yourself now because your old life is well and truly dead.

 

It sounds harsh, but it's true. I've been there very, very recently. It's still strange but I'm so much stronger within myself now, more than I've ever been.

 

Break ups of this type are a actually a good detox for your soul. Although it hurts you'll win in the end.

[daisydook]

This sounds so familiar. I am so, so sorry. Ex and I were together for 9 years, and started dating him at 19. He was 22.

 

The difference, I found out about the OW and then ended things with him. We were engaged, planning our upcoming wedding (3 months almost to the day,) and we had actually just started trying for a baby. I found out he had a girlfriend, and had been dating her for 6 months of our 9+ years together. I met him when I was 18-19. We knew one another when we were 15 and 18 in high school, went our separate ways and were set up on a blind date a few years later. We stayed together for 9 years until I found a text one night saying, "I love you so much!!!" We would often use one anothers phones. My cell had died, so I reached over and grabbed his. Only to find a text coming in from her. I didn't do anything about it that night. I gathered myself, and fortunately, he was sleeping when I found the message, and he left early for work. I laid awake and probably got no sleep that night. Angry. Confused. You name it, I felt all the emotions one would.

 

I called her the very next morning, explaining who I was and how I got her phone number. She agreed to meet with me, even though admittedly terrified I would beat her up or something. Lol. I had no intentions of violence. I just wanted to know what was going on in MY life, with MY fiance and I knew he would lie. He knew I would never stay with him if I found out, so he had every reason to keep it from me. We met up and answered questions for one another, and then I came home and told him **** was at his girlfriends. He denied her still, even after I told him I met her! It was only when I started telling him all the things that were personal to them and things I should not know. She didn't know of me, our upcoming wedding, the fact that we bought a home years before that, and had been together for a god damn decade. She had no clue. I asked her not to contact him again, until I had ended things, and then after that, she could have him. I asked that she at least let me have my moments with him, let him know what I know, and have the right to end things the way I saw fit, without her calling him in advance to warn him.

 

We had built our lives together. It was just gone, like that. In literally less than 24 hours. I couldn't forgive this and wasn't about to pretend I could. It has been over a year now, and I cant say I am over what he did, which is why I find myself here, although I have moved on quite well, and adapted to my new reality and new life. One I didn't ask for or want. That is the hardest part. There are times I still struggle with trust and relationshipy things, so I come here to get a read on things sometimes to get my bearings straight and get perspective on relationships. I had a real fear of having children or getting married to anyone. The thought of it just made me nauseous for a long while. Although I was excited with my ex, I realized that no matter how well you think you know someone, everything that can be ripped away so easily and so quickly and so fiercely. I am finally getting more excited again about those things, and I am not so deathly terrified of either of them. I want children and marriage, but the thought of building a life with someone new has been rather daunting.

 

Something WAS going on behind your back. I dont know if anything physical happened, but the intent and interest in this woman was there, before you ever went away.

 

I do want you to know this too shall pass. I keep strict no contact, as we have no reason to speak. We arent friends and we will never be together again, after what he did. He has tried to contact me. GTFO! I have questions for him and always have, but I wouldnt believe him, or it would absolutely break my heart to know the truth. On an emotional level, I have wanted to call him and cry and scream and yell many times. On a logical level, what the hell is the point? There isnt one, so I dont.

 

He made his bed. Let him sleep in it!

Edited June 3, 2014 by daisydook

[True Gent]

This sounds so familiar. I am so, so sorry. Ex and I were together for 9 years, and I met him at 19

 

The difference, I found out about the OW and then ended things with him. We were engaged, planning our upcoming wedding (3 months almost to the day,) and we had actually just started trying for a baby. I found out he had a girlfriend, and had been dating her for 6 months of our 9+ years together. I met him when I was 18-19. We knew one another when we were 15 and 18 in high school, went our separate ways and were set up on a blind date a few years later. We stayed together for 9 years until I found a text one night saying, "I love you so much!!!" We would often use one anothers phones. My cell had died, so I reached over and grabbed his. Only to find a text coming in from her. I didn't do anything about it that night. I gathered myself, and fortunately, he was sleeping when I found the message, and he left early for work. I laid awake and probably got no sleep that night. Angry. Confused. You name it, I felt all the emotions one would.

 

I called her the very next morning, explaining who I was and how I got her phone number. She agreed to meet with me, even though admittedly terrified I would beat her up or something. Lol. I had no intentions of violence. I just wanted to know what was going on in MY life, with MY fiance and I knew he would lie. He knew I would never stay with him if I found out, so he had every reason to keep it from me. We met up and answered questions for one another, and then I came home and told him **** was at his girlfriends. He denied her still, even after I told him I met her! It was only when I started telling him all the things that were personal to them and things I should not know. She didn't know of me, our upcoming wedding, the fact that we bought a home years before that, and had been together for a god damn decade. She had no clue. I asked her not to contact him again, until I had ended things, and then after that, she could have him. I asked that she at least let me have my moments with him, let him know what I know, and have the right to end things the way I saw fit, without her calling him in advance to warn him.

 

We had built our lives together. It was just gone, like that. In literally less than 24 hours. I couldn't forgive this and wasn't about to pretend I could. It has been over a year now, and I cant say I am over what he did, which is why I find myself here, although I have moved on quite well, and adapted to my new reality and new life. One I didn't ask for or want. That is the hardest part. There are times I still struggle with trust and relationshipy things, so I come here to get a read on things sometimes to get my bearings straight and get perspective on relationships. I had a real fear of having children or getting married to anyone. The thought of it just made me nauseous for a long while. Although I was excited with my ex, I realized that no matter how well you think you know someone, everything that can be ripped away so easily and so quickly and so fiercely. I am finally getting more excited again about those things, and I am not so deathly terrified of either of them. I want children and marriage, but the thought of building a life with someone new has been rather daunting.

 

Something WAS going on behind your back. I dont know if anything physical happened, but the intent and interest in this woman was there, before you ever went away.

 

I do want you to know this too shall pass. I keep strict no contact, as we have no reason to speak. We arent friends and we will never be together again, after what he did. He has tried to contact me. GTFO! I have questions for him and always have, but I wouldnt believe him, or it would absolutely break my heart to know the truth. On an emotional level, I have wanted to call him and cry and scream and yell many times. On a logical level, what the hell is the point? There isnt one, so I dont.

 

He made his bed. Let him sleep in it!

 

You are one incredibly strong and dignified woman.

 

I can relate to many points of your post, especially the part about adapting to your new life which you didn't ask for or want. That is such a striking concept which is probably one of the toughest aspects of this type of thing.

 

I think how your handled your situation was very admirable.

[Monacle]

This sounds so familiar. I am so, so sorry. Ex and I were together for 9 years, and started dating him at 19. He was 22.

 

The difference, I found out about the OW and then ended things with him. We were engaged, planning our upcoming wedding (3 months almost to the day,) and we had actually just started trying for a baby. I found out he had a girlfriend, and had been dating her for 6 months of our 9+ years together. I met him when I was 18-19. We knew one another when we were 15 and 18 in high school, went our separate ways and were set up on a blind date a few years later. We stayed together for 9 years until I found a text one night saying, "I love you so much!!!" We would often use one anothers phones. My cell had died, so I reached over and grabbed his. Only to find a text coming in from her. I didn't do anything about it that night. I gathered myself, and fortunately, he was sleeping when I found the message, and he left early for work. I laid awake and probably got no sleep that night. Angry. Confused. You name it, I felt all the emotions one would.

 

I called her the very next morning, explaining who I was and how I got her phone number. She agreed to meet with me, even though admittedly terrified I would beat her up or something. Lol. I had no intentions of violence. I just wanted to know what was going on in MY life, with MY fiance and I knew he would lie. He knew I would never stay with him if I found out, so he had every reason to keep it from me. We met up and answered questions for one another, and then I came home and told him **** was at his girlfriends. He denied her still, even after I told him I met her! It was only when I started telling him all the things that were personal to them and things I should not know. She didn't know of me, our upcoming wedding, the fact that we bought a home years before that, and had been together for a god damn decade. She had no clue. I asked her not to contact him again, until I had ended things, and then after that, she could have him. I asked that she at least let me have my moments with him, let him know what I know, and have the right to end things the way I saw fit, without her calling him in advance to warn him.

 

We had built our lives together. It was just gone, like that. In literally less than 24 hours. I couldn't forgive this and wasn't about to pretend I could. It has been over a year now, and I cant say I am over what he did, which is why I find myself here, although I have moved on quite well, and adapted to my new reality and new life. One I didn't ask for or want. That is the hardest part. There are times I still struggle with trust and relationshipy things, so I come here to get a read on things sometimes to get my bearings straight and get perspective on relationships. I had a real fear of having children or getting married to anyone. The thought of it just made me nauseous for a long while. Although I was excited with my ex, I realized that no matter how well you think you know someone, everything that can be ripped away so easily and so quickly and so fiercely. I am finally getting more excited again about those things, and I am not so deathly terrified of either of them. I want children and marriage, but the thought of building a life with someone new has been rather daunting.

 

Something WAS going on behind your back. I dont know if anything physical happened, but the intent and interest in this woman was there, before you ever went away.

 

I do want you to know this too shall pass. I keep strict no contact, as we have no reason to speak. We arent friends and we will never be together again, after what he did. He has tried to contact me. GTFO! I have questions for him and always have, but I wouldnt believe him, or it would absolutely break my heart to know the truth. On an emotional level, I have wanted to call him and cry and scream and yell many times. On a logical level, what the hell is the point? There isnt one, so I dont.

 

He made his bed. Let him sleep in it!

 

You are incredible. This is by far the hardest thing I've gone through and it's only been a little over a month and it feels like it's been forever since it happened. It's a comforting thought to think that you do get over it and life goes on, I may not be okay right now but I will be. Thank you all so much for lending an ear and giving your advice, no matter how tough it is to think he will no longer be in my life anymore I realize that I don't really want a person like that around me anyways. I'm not the most patient person when it comes to waiting, some days I wish I could speed up time and be over this right now. Eventually, it'll get better. Not right now but it will be.

 

I realize that he left because I wasn't giving him enough sex and appreciation, the girl that he left me for is fulfilling that now for him. I really would like to let him know that I know what's been going on. I know it would hurt but it's also kind of cleansing to let the truth out and let it be real.

Edited June 4, 2014 by Monacle

[umirano]

You are incredible. This is by far the hardest thing I've gone through and it's only been a little over a month and it feels like it's been forever since it happened. It's a comforting thought to think that you do get over it and life goes on, I may not be okay right now but I will be.

 

Yes you will be that's pretty much guaranteed. It just looks impossible, but it isn't. You just can't see it from your perspective now.

 

I realize that I don't really want a person like that around me anyways.

Good mindset, that's the spirit!

I'm not the most patient person when it comes to waiting, some days I wish I could speed up time and be over this right now. Eventually, it'll get better. Not right now but it will be.

Exactly, find an outlet for your anger, grief or any other unpleasant feeling. Walking e.g. helps pretty much anybody. Take long walks if you can't find anything else. Anybody can walk somewhere. If you have any other sport to exercise, go for it by all means.

 

I realize that he left because I wasn't giving him enough sex and appreciation, the girl that he left me for is fulfilling that now for him.

Maybe yes, maybe no. It doesn't matter. It's not your problem. He's made a decision, outside of your influence (= a life you didn't ask for). You just have to deal with it. The upside is, you have all the freedom you want.

 

I really would like to let him know that I know what's been going on. I know it would hurt but it's also kind of cleansing to let the truth out and let it be real.

I get that. You should write down your thoughts. You can only inform him when you know you won't get into an argument with him, when you're above everything he could possibly be coming back at you with. I do not think you're there yet. Why not go full NC right now. And once you have the cold, clear mindset of a fighter, the dry and distant perception of daisydook you can still let him know. But if you're truly over him, you won't need to do that anymore because you will realize that granting him even this type of aggressive attention is way more than he deserves. Because he deserves nothing, he only deserves complete and utter indifference from you. He's a non-person to you now, because he betrayed you and your loyalty. You can't, it wouldn't be true to your self dignifying him with the slightest attention.

 

Think about it, it's not worth it. He's not worth it.

[Monacle]

Yes you will be that's pretty much guaranteed. It just looks impossible, but it isn't. You just can't see it from your perspective now.

 

 

Good mindset, that's the spirit!

Exactly, find an outlet for your anger, grief or any other unpleasant feeling. Walking e.g. helps pretty much anybody. Take long walks if you can't find anything else. Anybody can walk somewhere. If you have any other sport to exercise, go for it by all means.

 

 

Maybe yes, maybe no. It doesn't matter. It's not your problem. He's made a decision, outside of your influence (= a life you didn't ask for). You just have to deal with it. The upside is, you have all the freedom you want.

 

 

I get that. You should write down your thoughts. You can only inform him when you know you won't get into an argument with him, when you're above everything he could possibly be coming back at you with. I do not think you're there yet. Why not go full NC right now. And once you have the cold, clear mindset of a fighter, the dry and distant perception of daisydook you can still let him know. But if you're truly over him, you won't need to do that anymore because you will realize that granting him even this type of aggressive attention is way more than he deserves. Because he deserves nothing, he only deserves complete and utter indifference from you. He's a non-person to you now, because he betrayed you and your loyalty. You can't, it wouldn't be true to your self dignifying him with the slightest attention.

 

Think about it, it's not worth it. He's not worth it.

[quote

 

This is the hardest part. I hold grudges like no other and I think this will be the hardest part to hold back on, that and I'd like to make him as uncomfortable as possible. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned right? Granted it will feel good at the time but afterwards, it's not going to change anything. What's done is done, end of story. She's more than welcome to him and now I know I deserve much better than what he could ever offer. So, I'll get my things tonight and give him back all his gifts he's given to me and tell him I'm done. I don't want anything to do with you from this point on.

[daisydook]

I flipped out a few times in my life, and I have walked away having not said a word before. Let me tell ya, it feels so good to walk away from a person who has done you wrong, and NEVER utter a damn word again. I have felt like I made an ass of myself in the past by being furious and angry and saying a whole slew of things I didnt mean. I mean, even at the end of the day, I dont hate my ex. I just want him to move to Australia. ... and really didn't feel much better than when I walked away silently, cried and dealt with things quietly on my own/with close friends. The pain was the same. My dignity was more intact, staying quiet though. I hope that helps a little.

 

From my experience, NEVER MISS AN GOOD CHANCE TO SHUT UP.

 

Don't expend energy on anyone who isn't worth it either. He isn't.

 

How are you and how have things been going for the last few weeks? I am assuming you picked up your things? Sorry if you have made a thread elsewhere. Just thought I would come back here and check in!

[Omei]

After hearing this story and how hes left you I am so so so sorry!!!! (hug)

 

Pleaseee pleaseeee ask him no more questions, use that hate delete remove everything!!! Vanish out of his life no contact show this man HE LOST YOU not you him, he gave up not you!