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How do I convince my female friend that meeting guys online who live 2000 miles away

Mark1

By Mark1
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Mark1 Established Member

Mark1

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How do I convince my female friend that meeting guys online who live 2000 miles away after only talking for a month is a bad idea?

 

She meets these guys on OKCupid and the like, is excited that they want something long term, flies to their city (or they come to her) for a weekend, have sex, and then she hardly sees them again.

Then she cries to me that she is lonely and wants a relationship with someone.

 

It just seems unhealthy and dangerous to me, but I can't really say why. I can't quite articulate why it's any different to meeting a guy in her same city.

 

Any help? Maybe I'm overreacting.

jbelle6 Established Member

jbelle6

Posted
Posted

Woooaah. Not over reacting at all.

I could maybe see if she had been talking to the person for months.

And even then she should have her own hotel (he should not know which) and she should still meet him somewhere public a time or two. Maybe I'm just paranoid, or maybe I don't want to be someones precious locked in their basement?

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Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

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Posted

Maybe she has issues with intimacy (not sex, I mean getting "close" to someone).

 

I often have problems getting close to others and have noticed over the years that I favor relationships that are at a distance.

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Mark1 Established Member

Mark1

Posted
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Posted
Woooaah. Not over reacting at all.

I could maybe see if she had been talking to the person for months.

And even then she should have her own hotel (he should not know which) and she should still meet him somewhere public a time or two. Maybe I'm just paranoid, or maybe I don't want to be someones precious locked in their basement?

 

Glad I'm not overreacting.

 

I guess its hard for me to articulate to her why its different to meeting a guy in her city.

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jbelle6 Established Member

jbelle6

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Posted

Also, having sex with people she doesn't even know is not going to get her a relationship.

And I think it's nice you are worrying about her.

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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Not much you can do about it if she has the money to keep traveling that far to get laid. Maybe she is looking for a big change and would like to move far far away.

greenfairie Established Member

greenfairie

Posted
Posted

Yea, I know of a girl friend who's flying to Italy for a month just after meeting this guy on OKC or POF.. OR some kind of dating site... Thought it was a bit ridiculous but if it works out, I'm happy for them. I thought the guy should come and fly to her hometown but I think she took advantage of the free trip to Italy so she doesn't care much if it doesn't work out in the end.... Big risk though...

gaius Established Member

gaius

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Take a shot at claiming the boyfriend role for yourself if you're so concerned with what guys she's dating.

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jbelle6 Established Member

jbelle6

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Take a shot at claiming the boyfriend role for yourself if you're so concerned with what guys she's dating.

 

Got to say, I do enjoy your style. :laugh:

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firmness Established Member

firmness

Posted
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There is no advice you can give to someone who is in this mode. Well, you can give it, but it is like telling someone who is overweight that they are overweight.

 

Sometimes these are the things that people need to do to learn life's lessons. If she grew up in another country or in another time, I could see why she would make this mistake. But in the US in modern times you know better than to sleep around or meet strangers in the hope of forming a meaningful relationship.

 

Unfortunately, there are plenty of messages out there telling women and men to sleep around. It is an expression of your sexual freedom and control!

 

Unfortunately it bears consequences in the long run as she learns to trust men less and less. And you can bet that she will blame this on those evil men.

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Lernaean_Hydra Established Member

Lernaean_Hydra

Posted
Posted
How do I convince my female friend that meeting guys online who live 2000 miles away after only talking for a month is a bad idea?

 

She meets these guys on OKCupid and the like, is excited that they want something long term, flies to their city (or they come to her) for a weekend, have sex, and then she hardly sees them again.

Then she cries to me that she is lonely and wants a relationship with someone.

 

It just seems unhealthy and dangerous to me, but I can't really say why. I can't quite articulate why it's any different to meeting a guy in her same city.

 

Any help? Maybe I'm overreacting.

 

 

You're not overreacting. I have a friend like this, except she used to fly the guys out to meet her. My friend once flew a parole!!! out to stay with her over the holidays after talking for only 15 or so days because she "didn't want to be alone on Christmas."

 

Aside from this, the story and circumstances are the exact same. Honestly, if your friend is anything like mine, there's no reasoning with her. I used to tell her this kind of thing was not only dangerous, but wholly unproductive. Easy sex and an accommodating woman do not a good relationship make. But, their "pickers" are totally broken and at this point, they'll take whatever male attention they can get.

 

After a while I just became detached and decided to stop entertaining her whinging when she started complaining about her terrible love life because I was giving her advice which she was ignoring in favor of making terrible decisions. I understand she's your friend and you are about her but seriously, at a certain point you just have to let her keep f*king up until (hopefully) reality sets in.

 

My friend eventually met a guy about 500mi from her that she ended up moving in with. Their relationship is terrible to this day; he's abusive and she's now trapped there but she got what the hell she was asking for I guess. After all, she's in that much sought after relationship now. :rolleyes:

gaius Established Member

gaius

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Got to say, I do enjoy your style. :laugh:

I'm starting to get very concerned about the guys you've been dating lately. :D

 

Ask her out already mark!

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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You can't talk sense into her. She has to get there on her own.

 

Ask her Qs: does she look at guys who are closer? How much money has she spent on plane fare & what would she do with all that money if she had it back? What else is she doing to meet local guys & develop a relationship? Do you have friends you can introduce her to? Has she ever considered the possibility that her willingness to fly to these guys & have sex with him is coloring their opinions of her & she's shooting herself in the foot?

 

Don't be mean or accusatory just give her stuff to think about.

gratiaeo New Member

gratiaeo

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I'm starting to get very concerned about the guys you've been dating lately. :D

 

Ask her out already mark!

 

I'm am new here and need help on how to create new thread. I'll like to meet new friends also

Trufita Member

Trufita

Posted
Posted

Well, I met my boyfriend, who lives 3,000 km away, in OkCupid, we have been together for almost a year and a half now. We met after 4 months of talking, first just on OkC, then in skype, we added each other to FB, had webcam conversations and then started to use Whatsapp and texted pretty much all the time. Then he came to see me.

 

I think that is the way it has to be done when meeting someone online who lives far away. Even after all the talking and being sure that he wasn't actually a 60 years old man, it was still risky. One month of talking it's not enough at all, and flying to them being a girl I think is crazy. If she is the one that goes to meet them, and at the end they are not who they say they are and want to do something bad to her, she will be even in a more vulnerable position. At least if they go to meet her, she can meet them in a public place with some friends far away checking nothing suspicious happens, and also she can let you know where she is and if everything is going okay or if she needs help.

 

What I mean is, that meeting people in person you met online is okay, it can really work out, but more than a month of talking must be done, and being a girl/woman requires to be extra careful.

 

How do I convince my female friend that meeting guys online who live 2000 miles away after only talking for a month is a bad idea?

 

She meets these guys on OKCupid and the like, is excited that they want something long term, flies to their city (or they come to her) for a weekend, have sex, and then she hardly sees them again.

Then she cries to me that she is lonely and wants a relationship with someone.

 

It just seems unhealthy and dangerous to me, but I can't really say why. I can't quite articulate why it's any different to meeting a guy in her same city.

 

Any help? Maybe I'm overreacting.

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Mark1 Established Member

Mark1

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Well, I met my boyfriend, who lives 3,000 km away, in OkCupid, we have been together for almost a year and a half now. We met after 4 months of talking, first just on OkC, then in skype, we added each other to FB, had webcam conversations and then started to use Whatsapp and texted pretty much all the time. Then he came to see me.

 

I think that is the way it has to be done when meeting someone online who lives far away. Even after all the talking and being sure that he wasn't actually a 60 years old man, it was still risky. One month of talking it's not enough at all, and flying to them being a girl I think is crazy. If she is the one that goes to meet them, and at the end they are not who they say they are and want to do something bad to her, she will be even in a more vulnerable position. At least if they go to meet her, she can meet them in a public place with some friends far away checking nothing suspicious happens, and also she can let you know where she is and if everything is going okay or if she needs help.

 

What I mean is, that meeting people in person you met online is okay, it can really work out, but more than a month of talking must be done, and being a girl/woman requires to be extra careful.

 

i agree with you. i have never done it before but it sounds like you take as many precautions as one can in this situation.

 

as far as I know, she talks to them online, maybe has a phone chat, and meets them after one or two months. she told me she felt two months was a very long time and was an excruciating wait for her.

 

she flies to them, or they fly to her. she picks them up at their airport or vice versa. have sex at one of their places, then flies back.

 

then she wonders why she can't find anything long term.

Lipitor11 Established Member

Lipitor11

Posted
Posted

It is a bad idea!!! I think its better for her and safer to meet guys in the same city where she lives...what harm is there in that? Besides flying somewhere to a city where no one probably knows her and meeting a guy sounds dangerous. Okcupid is no different than meeting someone on craigslist. And there's been plenty of criagslists kidnappings/murders, etc, etc.

Sugarkane Established Member

Sugarkane

Posted
Posted

This so reminds me of someone I used to work with. She would always date scumbags/ abusive guys and sleep with them on the first meeting. She refused to listen to everyone. She is a decade older than me. I stopped feeling sorry for her, whenever I had a breakup/ got dumped she would put me down and insult me. Urgh.

SoleMate Established Member

SoleMate

Posted
Posted

Some people do just have broken pickers and/or make terrible decisions. I wish there were just a switch or something on their backs that could be flipped so they would stop shooting themselves in the foot, because it's horrible to watch when you about the person doing it.

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