confused_gf Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 Hey all, I met this guy 8 months or so ago when I was fresh out of a relationship. I was still hurt/vulnerable from my last relationship, but this other boy came in and swept me off my feet and made me forget my ex. I was really interested in him and I felt like it was mutual. The only thing that sort of put me off about him was that he seemed to be rushing things and not quite understanding why I didn't want to rush back into a new relationship. I still can't stop thinking about him, I thought he was everything I wanted: handsome, intelligent, cool, adventurous, musician, artist, easy to hold a real conversation with. He got back in touch with me after a while of NC. I kind of stopped things because I felt emotions were running haywire. He called me to set up a coffee date, we got together and things were good. I invited him to a concert. We were dancing, having a great time. At one point I just could not stop kissing him - I missed him so much. At the end of the night he walked me to my ride and started talking about how things left off. I started feeling a little anxious as we were having a "real" conversation. I changed the subject and he when he saw how nervous I was he told me that he loved me. My bus came, we shared a passionate kiss, and he told me he'd call me. After that night I waited and waited for nearly a month. I finally called him and said he would call me back but didn't. I called him the next day and tried to walk him through my feelings and he was silent for the most part. He also said he didn't remember saying "I love you" and that he probably meant it in a "friendly way". It's been a week. No contact, I know it is lame but I keep waiting for him to call me and tell me that it isn't true. I know in my heart that the "I love you" was real. The way he held me and kissed me, it was unmistakeable. Everyday without him I feel like I'm going mad. What is a girl to do??? I keep thinking I should just wait it out or just change my phone number and move on. As stereotypical as it sounds, I feel like I won't find another like him.
Elle1975 Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 Hey all, I met this guy 8 months or so ago when I was fresh out of a relationship. I was still hurt/vulnerable from my last relationship, but this other boy came in and swept me off my feet and made me forget my ex. I was really interested in him and I felt like it was mutual. The only thing that sort of put me off about him was that he seemed to be rushing things and not quite understanding why I didn't want to rush back into a new relationship. I still can't stop thinking about him, I thought he was everything I wanted: handsome, intelligent, cool, adventurous, musician, artist, easy to hold a real conversation with. He got back in touch with me after a while of NC. I kind of stopped things because I felt emotions were running haywire. He called me to set up a coffee date, we got together and things were good. I invited him to a concert. We were dancing, having a great time. At one point I just could not stop kissing him - I missed him so much. At the end of the night he walked me to my ride and started talking about how things left off. I started feeling a little anxious as we were having a "real" conversation. I changed the subject and he when he saw how nervous I was he told me that he loved me. My bus came, we shared a passionate kiss, and he told me he'd call me. After that night I waited and waited for nearly a month. I finally called him and said he would call me back but didn't. I called him the next day and tried to walk him through my feelings and he was silent for the most part. He also said he didn't remember saying "I love you" and that he probably meant it in a "friendly way". It's been a week. No contact, I know it is lame but I keep waiting for him to call me and tell me that it isn't true. I know in my heart that the "I love you" was real. The way he held me and kissed me, it was unmistakeable. Everyday without him I feel like I'm going mad. What is a girl to do??? I keep thinking I should just wait it out or just change my phone number and move on. As stereotypical as it sounds, I feel like I won't find another like him. Move on. The guy is lame, seriously. I'd nerver say I love you to a guy I'd be dating without meaning it and then pretend it was just a friendly display of affection or whatever he pulled on you. You called him, he didn't return your calls, it's crystal clear. A guy who is interested will call you when he said he would. He didn't. Don't lower your standards by waiting fot him. Even if he calls, you'd obviously be a second thought. In a nutshell, screw that, and him with it.
loversquarrel Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 It's simple. You stopped things because things were too much for you to handle at the time, in doing so you went no contact. He got back in touch with you after a while of NC, you guys went out and had a great time....then he starts to bring up things about the relationship and how they left off. You get nervous/anxious and change the subject, he tells you he loves you. From the sound of things it was probably an awkward moment for him. He most likely figured you were flaking out on him again. Even though he said he would call you, you could have called him. What happened? - He lost interest and didn't feel like investing his emotions in you any further. He cut his losses and I don't blame him. He was probably hoping you were going to call him. Sometimes you have to stop the game and seize the moment or risk wondering what could have been. 1
Author confused_gf Posted June 1, 2014 Author Posted June 1, 2014 Basically what you two have stated are like the two sides of my brain speaking. One paints him in a decent light the other in a really bad light. I've been so busy and stressed out this past month. A lot of critical things have happened for him too. I wish I could've been with him every night since that night. But I literally had a nervous breakdown from stress (no joke). I've been waiting for that call and clinging on to what he said to keep me going. I just feel like if he really loved me wouldn't he stand by that? That is the part that bothers me. I've been so depressed...
loversquarrel Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 I wish I could've been with him every night since that night. But I literally had a nervous breakdown from stress (no joke). I've been waiting for that call and clinging on to what he said to keep me going. I just feel like if he really loved me wouldn't he stand by that? That is the part that bothers me. I've been so depressed... Why should he wait for you? What have you done for him that would make him want to wait for you? It's a 2-way street, you can't sit back and think that things will automatically happen for you. You have to put in your part of the effort, but you didn't so you lost out. The sad thing is your wish could have come true, but you didn't let it happen and now you regret it. I think you know you messed this up and now you feel the way you do because he may have moved on. The other part of your brain is trying to justify your mistake by placing the blame on him. The more I read your posts the more I understand him. He did nothing wrong - he gave you space when you needed it, tried a second time and didn't feel the mutuality. He told you he loved you, but you don't mention returning the sentiment - maybe he felt you left him hanging? Did you ask him?
seminoles84 Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 Could he just have been trying to get laid that night?
loversquarrel Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Could he just have been trying to get laid that night? As always a possibility, but I doubt it. There is a past history here, too much emotion involved for just wanting to get laid.
Elle1975 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Basically what you two have stated are like the two sides of my brain speaking. One paints him in a decent light the other in a really bad light. I've been so busy and stressed out this past month. A lot of critical things have happened for him too. I wish I could've been with him every night since that night. But I literally had a nervous breakdown from stress (no joke). I've been waiting for that call and clinging on to what he said to keep me going. I just feel like if he really loved me wouldn't he stand by that? That is the part that bothers me. I've been so depressed... Wow.. don't let a phone call, or a guy, be the motivation to keep on living your life I'd really stress the need for you to find a healthy psychological balance, as well as independence, before you date anybody. You seem to be, or to be on the way to become, super codependent.. that's not good at all. Are you seeing someone about your stress and anxiety?
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