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How Can I get over BU if...

nightbird101

By nightbird101
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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nightbird101 Member

nightbird101

Posted
Posted

How Can I get over a Break Up if I can't even forgive myself?

 

Long story short in dot point form for quick understanding :p

  • 7 Year Relationship
  • my first serious relationship
  • Engagged
  • she breaked it off this time in April
  • I take cat which was our way of saying it was our child (we wanted one but weren't ready)

 

So I take custody of the cat because the place she moved too doesn't accept pets. I've spent the past 2 months making massive changes to my lifestyle. When we first broke it off I made a list of things I knew caused her to make this decision. It was a rather big list. A few days ago I went back to the list and ticked most of them off (I no longer have the desire nor will to be the person anymore).

 

But then I did something. The most painful thing I could ever do to myself. I went onto skype and read our chat history together from 1 year ago. Almost every word I wrote to her made me sick. Thats the guy I was back then. Thats who I was. Thats the person she broke off with me. Who could love such a person?

 

I couldn't read all of it because it was just to painful but the things I did read tor a the remaining bit of myself to shreds. Granted I'm not that person anymore however I was that person.

 

My attempts to hating her

When we were together, any girl I spoke to that made her unconformable (jelly) I would instantly stop talking to them. My hobby/job at the time gave me a few followers on the internet and all the fan of mine I ran into in RL I would instantly introduce my girl to them as my partner/fiancy while holding her hand (all the fans I met were girls)

 

However she didn't do that for me. One guy who was rude and annoying (he was a smartass) she would talk to. I told her over and over even infront of our friends openly that I didn't like him. That I really DID NOT like him. Yet she kept talking to him. She still does.

 

But that just saddens me even more because if he treats her how I wish I treated her I've lost her for good.

 

..:::This next part is me just rambeling on so you don't have to read it:::..

 

When we where together she meant everything to me, even if I didn't really show it. When ever she got sick I was right there to look after her. When ever she wasn't with me I was always thinking of her.

 

I remember once we where out with friends of mine and they where playing around with stuff. I stood in front of her so that if anything was to come flying at us I'd take the hit. I went with her to a temple to make a prayer (I'm not a religious person but went anyway because its her culture). I was told to make a prayer for myself when I simply asked for Her happiness. All I needed to do was more to secure her happiness with me.

EverLastluv Established Member

EverLastluv

Posted
Posted

I have read all your post, some how I cant understand the reason the relationship ends? If you want a honest answer you have to be clear and point out the ups and downs on your relationship so I can better understand where your comming from.

 

From a woman point of view For me 7 years is a long time, Once its broken and its not yet back together, then I would think its time for you to close the door and open a new door.Its not the end of the road, You have a very long long way to go.... focus on your self and move on. Dont dwell on the past, its over done and gone! creat a new life keep living it, we all here to continue life as long as we live.

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