djcos25 Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 (edited) I started talking to this girl from okcupid Sunday. Got her number, we've been texting on and off for the past week. We meet up at a bar for drinks. We both had a great time, we were both laughing a lot, she kept telling me how cute I was. She's 27, I'm 28. We played a game of pool, we ended up making out a lot at the bar (parking lot). She kept telling me "the things I want to do to you." Yes I'm a guy but sex was the last thing on my mind, its nerve racking enough for me having a date lol. She followed me to my house. I even asked her, "are you sure you want to?" and "its not the alcohol talking right?" I'm the type of guy where I was raised you have sex after becoming bf/gf. I know times have changed, I guess it took me a bit longer to realize it. She would ask me at the bar "so what do you think of me?" and "was I what you expected?" We had sex a few times, she asked me something like "is this the type of night where I text you tomorrow and I won't hear from you?" I said of course not, and that if I could do this night again without sex I would. Before she left I asked if I could add her on facebook, she responds "uhhh yea!" I sent her a request and not even 5 minutes she accepted. Here's the problem. She texts me the next morning (good sign). She says "I'm kinda pissed at myself for doing what we did I had fun I'm just mad that I let myself do that" I told her I had fun too and I hope it doesn't change anything, I still want to see you. She said she wants to start fresh because she's completely beside herself on how she acted. I said no problem, how about dinner, a regular date. She had to find a sitter for her kid and she would text me later. She texted me an hour after work saying "Well it doesn't look like I have a sitter So I replied "ok, maybe another night if you want. let me know" and she says "I'm sorry I was looking forward to seeing you, definitely another night." I said me too and no problem. That was yesterday (Friday) around 6:30. I haven't texted her since. She told me at the bar 4 months ago she was engaged and found her fiance cheating on her. Today (Saturday) would have been the day she was going to be married. She posted on facebook "This is not a good night" and "So tomorrow was going to be the big day who wants to do something!?" Is she posting that last status in general? I feel like if she was free she would want to see me. Everyone I asked says she likes me, but I just don't want my past failures to determine this one. For what its worth, at the bar she asked how my lucks been with okcupid, I said lately I've been thinking of closing the account, and she said "Aw no I'm glad you didn't." She also said she doesn't want me to think of her as a whore, she only has sex with someone on the first date if she thinks its gonna go somewhere/she really likes the person. A friend of mine said I can text her, small talk. But with today being (or what would have been) the wedding day I don't want to. How do I proceed? Is she interested, or did the sex screw things up? And lastly, I asked her earlier in the week her biggest turn off in guys, she said when guys complain to much, or seem needy. So I'm trying to be even more laid back lol. Edited May 31, 2014 by djcos25
HappyLove Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 She sounds like the last thing she should be doing is dating. 7
d0nnivain Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 If yesterday was supposed to be her wedding day leave her alone. Call her Tuesday or something. Plan a nice date with no expectations of sex. Act like you haven't been intimate yet -- don't push. 3
Dallers Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 What a situation you find yourself in. That is one messy lady sadly but you could easily come out of this on top. She is hurting and hurting and although you do not want to be the rebound guy being a shoulder to cry on at this moment in time could be the path to her heart further down the road. Although it is a situation that could go either way. You have to decide if you are willing to make the effort. Do not leave her alone, in my opinion she is probably a mess and hearing from you saying something caring or comforting might be just the right thing to do. Obviously do not mention the wedding... But you knew that.
me85 Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 Think ya need to slow down man. This girl is on the mend. Don't contact her today. Actually, just wait until she gets in touch with YOU. 1
littleplanet Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 OP - by all means, give her some space. Your instincts are good. She was all in a hurry (for reasons well imaginable.) You weren't. You're the one in control (of yourself) - so rest easy. Let her calm down and work through it. And if you like her......that's the friendly thing to do. Don't take her response (self-recrimination) after that first date too personal. You didn't do anything wrong. It all "happened so fast"..................... Now it can just slow down. Why not? and one final tip: Don't pay much attention to anything significant through social media contact. Leave that for face to face. 2
ja123 Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 Yeah, I wouldn't contact her today. Give her some space. I think her FB message was probably general, but aimed mainly at friends who've known her a long time and family who can give her a bit of moral support. 1
Author djcos25 Posted May 31, 2014 Author Posted May 31, 2014 Yeah I figured as much. Last night, I was thinking of texting her today but the more I thought about it, as well as the responses from here, I decided against it. I mean I did say at the end of the texting conversation "maybe another night" and she apologized and said she really wanted to see me. At the bar, she told me the last date she had, it went to 2 dates, then after the second date she texted the guy and he never responded. I told her how that irks me, I had a similar situation about 2 weeks ago. I told her that I would never do that to someone, and she said for some reason she believes me. I made it clear a few times during the night, that we didn't have to have sex. Again, that was the last thing on my mind. I just hope she wasn't feeling emotional or anything. She seems really chill and I felt good making her laugh. She told me something along the lines of how I'm a "breath of fresh air" or something. She told me that night she's starting to like me. But, ya know, I've heard that before and things didn't work out then. 1
Author djcos25 Posted May 31, 2014 Author Posted May 31, 2014 I hate to post something pointless but she wrote to me today. Her: Hey just found out I have poison ivy I've had it for a week just in case. (she posted on FB she was going to the ER, actually saw it that way) Me: that sucks. where? nothing on me so far (I waited about 15 minutes so it wouldn't seem like I was sitting by my phone) Her: My arms and back (replies an hour and a half later, in the meantime she uploaded a photo, looks like she's out, so I kept it brief) Me: Ok thanks I'll keep an eye out.
michellew Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 I hate to post something pointless but she wrote to me today. Her: Hey just found out I have poison ivy I've had it for a week just in case. (she posted on FB she was going to the ER, actually saw it that way) Me: that sucks. where? nothing on me so far (I waited about 15 minutes so it wouldn't seem like I was sitting by my phone) Her: My arms and back (replies an hour and a half later, in the meantime she uploaded a photo, looks like she's out, so I kept it brief) Me: Ok thanks I'll keep an eye out. Sounds like she wanted an excuse to text you, which means she is thinking of you. I have to disagree with everyone who said not to text her today, the day she was supposed to get married. Of all days, this is one you SHOULD be texting on. She is probably feeling sad and insecure right now, doubting men and by not texting her she may fear that you aren't interested. She may need reassurance that you aren't like her ex. With that said, do you really want to be involved with someone who comes with this baggage? Sounds like she needs more time to heal from her broken engagement. As for the sex on the first date, if you really like someone, that shouldn't matter. However, I'm not buying her text about never acting like that before. It's a classic line for those who do have sex early on or one night stands! It doesn't mean she's a hoe or anything, but I can guarantee she's done it before. I think you need to slow things down OP. Facebook friends already? You've broken one of the cardinal rules of dating by going there already. I can tell from your post, it's having an effect on things now.
Gloria25 Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 Oh gosh, I lost count of the red flags here... 1. Just was "engaged" four months ago 2. Has a kid and no husband 3. Jumps in bed too soon This woman (well, immature female) sounds like she has a lot of issues and if you don't watch out you might be father of baby two... I know "times have changed", but as you can see, jumping into bed with someone based on hornies opens you up to bunch of drama. Next time, stand your ground and get to know someone before you jump in bed...cuz now that sex happened, people start getting all confused. But seriously, I don't think you should continue to see this female. She seems like she needs to grow up and take care of her kid. 4
d0nnivain Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 Send her a get well card for the poison ivy or drop by with a gift wrapped bottle of calamine lotion.
Author djcos25 Posted June 1, 2014 Author Posted June 1, 2014 I can tell from your post, it's having an effect on things now. How so? I just don't wanna end up wasting my time lol.
organizedchaos Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 I think the eagerness to have sex was bc she knew her wedding day was supposed to be this weekend and was using this to try and forget about it. Not saying her feelings about you aren't true, but remember, you're pretty much a rebound. She's still not over it from her fb post. So tread carefully. 3
Leeway Harris Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 (edited) It sounds to me like you are getting into some pretty bad business here. I don't like to be a downer, but I predict this is going to go bad and she's going to blame you 100%. She'll insist you took advantage of her, led her on, sent mixed signals, etc. Or, alternatively, she could just snap out of it, lose interest and totally fade on you, and actually, you'd better hope this happens, even if it hurts you, because the other alternative is far worse. Edited June 1, 2014 by Leeway Harris 1
veggirl Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 I think she's way too fresh out of an engagement to be dating. Has she dated others in between you and the ex fiance? I mean she does sound super into you, I agree she was looking for an excuse to text you and it seems she's been in regular contact which is great...it's just the recent engagement would really cause me to pause. Does she talk about him a lot? How long were they together? Does she seem angry or upset about it still?
Author djcos25 Posted June 1, 2014 Author Posted June 1, 2014 (edited) I think she's way too fresh out of an engagement to be dating. Has she dated others in between you and the ex fiance? I mean she does sound super into you, I agree she was looking for an excuse to text you and it seems she's been in regular contact which is great...it's just the recent engagement would really cause me to pause. Does she talk about him a lot? How long were they together? Does she seem angry or upset about it still? She dated someone before me, she said it went to a second date, she texted him after and he never texted back. I said how that irks me, and a similar situation happened to me about 2 weeks ago. I'm not sure about specifics about the relationship, but she told me they're best friends now because they realize they were only together for the daughter. She talked to him about having a date with me, cause she was actually thinking of cancelling on me. He told her that you agreed, to go out and have fun. I'm done with her though. I texted her today around 11am, its 5pm now, haven't heard from her. She's been active on facebook, commenting on something. Not only that, she friended one of my friends on facebook. My friend is a girl I completely trust. So I gave her a call when I got out of work and talked about the situation. She told me I shouldn't get involved, her family is white trash, and she seems to jump from guy to guy. Number and facebook deleted. Edited June 2, 2014 by djcos25
Omei Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 (edited) Oh gosh, I lost count of the red flags here... 1. Just was "engaged" four months ago 2. Has a kid and no husband 3. Jumps in bed too soon This woman (well, immature female) sounds like she has a lot of issues and if you don't watch out you might be father of baby two... I know "times have changed", but as you can see, jumping into bed with someone based on hornies opens you up to bunch of drama. Next time, stand your ground and get to know someone before you jump in bed...cuz now that sex happened, people start getting all confused. But seriously, I don't think you should continue to see this female. She seems like she needs to grow up and take care of her kid. You don't have to have a husband to be a good parent and you have no clue by her sexual life if she's taking care of her kid or not they're completely separate you can keep your child and love life totally separated, if OP is using protection him becoming a new daddy shouldnt be a fear. That being said... I agree with that she was only engaged 4 months ago is a red flag, I find it disturbing when people go through major blows then race to sign up for dating websites its not fair to the people looking for something meaningful. Also while you say you're not the type to have sex before becoming gf and bf is that even true about yourself? Comon lets be real here she drank threw herself at you and even tho you asked if its what she wanted you were still all ready to go, moral vanquished really. But its good its over its clear she was looking for the fastest possible rebound. Edited June 2, 2014 by Omei
DontBreakEven Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Uhhhhh. I am sorry, I completely disagree with everyone on here. The ball is in your court to set up a date man. What the hell are you waiting for?? If I were her, your silence would make me feel like I f*cked everything up by having sex with you. I mean wtf is the point of waiting days on end to contact her?? Why on earth do you think she is the one who is supposed to make the next move? You're sabotaging yourself man. 1
Author djcos25 Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 Also while you say you're not the type to have sex before becoming gf and bf is that even true about yourself? Comon lets be real here she drank threw herself at you and even tho you asked if its what she wanted you were still all ready to go, moral vanquished really. It was one time. Yes it is true about myself, I am like that, I was raised right. I'm not some pig that goes out looking for sex 24/7 like most men. I was 26 and still a virgin, I told my then-girlfriend I wanted to wait. The last thing on my mind that night was sex. I'm still sitting here thinking how things would be if we didn't. If I could do that night again without sex I would, I actually had fun.
Author djcos25 Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 Uhhhhh. I am sorry, I completely disagree with everyone on here. The ball is in your court to set up a date man. What the hell are you waiting for?? If I were her, your silence would make me feel like I f*cked everything up by having sex with you. I mean wtf is the point of waiting days on end to contact her?? Why on earth do you think she is the one who is supposed to make the next move? You're sabotaging yourself man. I texted her today and she didn't respond. If I see you commenting on facebook, clearly you've had time to look at your phone. Plus see my previous post. She friended one of my friends on facebook, a girl I 100% trust. Not sure how they know each other. She told me to stay away.
MrBossMan Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 This thing is messy before it even really starts. She's a wreck. Bail. By the way, do you know why the wedding was called off?
Leeway Harris Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Also while you say you're not the type to have sex before becoming gf and bf is that even true about yourself? Comon lets be real here she drank threw herself at you and even tho you asked if its what she wanted you were still all ready to go, moral vanquished really.. Men can feel pressure to have sex too you know. Yes he made the decision to do it, but maybe he felt pressured into it by her. I know that has happened to me. Now I know better, and I'm better at saying "no", especially if I think it's too soon.
Author djcos25 Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 This thing is messy before it even really starts. She's a wreck. Bail. By the way, do you know why the wedding was called off? Already done lol. She told me she called him to talk, as he was getting off the phone he didn't hang up, so she kept listening. She heard him talking to a girl that he's still with today.
Leeway Harris Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 And can I add that it's really hard to say no to a woman, first of all because there's this perception that she wants you to be the hero, the superman who can give it to her any time she wants... and also, since women think that men are just horny dogs who will do it with anything at any time, they end up feeling rejected, like "he must think I'm really disgusting to not want to have sex with me right now". Even worse is when they try to manipulate you with that, like "Oh, I guess you'd rather have somebody younger? Thinner? You judgemental pr*ck!"
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