readynow Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 Of course this is a generalization but it's bern discussed on this site lots of times, women have denied they love jerks, men have been blamed for being shallow because theyre with a girl that treats them bad... We've heard so many nice guys complain about this and good women cry because their men cheated and left to be with this woman who isn't really that bothered about him... Here's a real life scenario I have encountered... Him: Good man, educated, good earner etc, previously married to 'ordinary' woman, divorced due to irreconcilable differences... Her: Just above average looks, a bit exotic, slightly dramatic, independent, divorced too... Them: She can do no wrong to him, everything she says is right, he's head over heels, complete with puppy dog eyes. She's a bitch, 'agrees' to see him when she can squeeze him in, occasionally offers praises to which he laps up, he'd drive a million miles just for a hug from her. They've been together 4yrs - she's not sure she wants to get married - he's asked her. Sex is frequent enough and good but not constantly mind blowing... What makes him want her so much despite the fact that she doesn't have that much to offer? I just wonder what keeps him wanting her so much when he can have other amazingly smart and sweet women who would actually appreciate him?
stillafool Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 She has connected with him emotionally like no one else. That's hard to find and hard to break. Why do you care if they are happy? 1
somedude81 Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 I believe that men stay with bitches because they feel they can't get anything better. Women stay with jerks because they feel that they don't deserve anything better. 5
GoreSP Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 I'm gonna say what I said in the other thread, because it applies here too. Oh FFS. Change your tune. I don't even feel sorry for you people having dating troubles. You are so stuck in this dillusion that you fail to see the majority of men who are actually good ones. 2
carhill Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 What makes him want her so much despite the fact that she doesn't have that much to offer? Evidently he feels she has a lot on offer and he's a willing taker. I just wonder what keeps him wanting her so much when he can have other amazingly smart and sweet women who would actually appreciate him? Emotional bonding/physical attraction of the romantic sort isn't generally rational. Since he was married to an 'ordinary' women, he knows what 'ordinary' is to him on the emotional/romantic level. If that didn't work for him, perhaps he's trying something else. No guarantees. Personally, I don't think men set out to 'love bitches'. It merely turns out that way. Same for women. Only the people actually involved know how it went. As outsiders, we see only surfaces without depth. The gist of their attraction is hidden from us.
M30USA Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 Even in children's movies they know this. I took my kids to see Mr. Peabody & Sherman and the boy character falls in love with the very girl who bullied him, called him a "dog", and shoved his face into the cafeteria floor. Wonderful. Training kids from youth. 2
GoreSP Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 I believe that men stay with bitches because they feel they can't get anything better. Women stay with jerks because they feel that they don't deserve anything better. Thank you! 3
M30USA Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 Even in children's movies they know this. I took my kids to see Mr. Peabody & Sherman and the boy character falls in love with the very girl who bullied him, called him a "dog", and shoved his face into the cafeteria floor. Wonderful. Training kids from youth. In continuation of my last post above, it seems this is almost the NORM now for children's movies. Another recent example is Wreck-It-Ralph. The character Fix It Felix literally gets assaulted by this butch woman twice his size as the poor little guy sits there with a love struck look in his eyes. I hate to be a conspiracy theorist on this but it wouldn't be the first time that Hollywood has conditioned the opinion of the masses. This explains why people can see a woman kick the snot out of a man and laugh. Any person who critically thinks and doesn't sheepishly follow society should realize there is a problem here. 1
Author readynow Posted May 31, 2014 Author Posted May 31, 2014 Stillafool, Candy_pants, and especially GoreSP - who might be mistaking me for someone else,... You should have seen from my previous post that I'm hardly ever against other's happy unions. What if I said that 'bitch' was me? And this is how 'someone' previously described my situation? I just asked to hear how others saw it and tried to relate it to the bitch / jerk debate.
GoreSP Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 Stillafool, Candy_pants, and especially GoreSP - who might be mistaking me for someone else,... You should have seen from my previous post that I'm hardly ever against other's happy unions. What if I said that 'bitch' was me? And this is how 'someone' previously described my situation? I just asked to hear how others saw it and tried to relate it to the bitch / jerk debate. Not sure why you said especially me… But my post was exactly how I see it. I posted the exact same thing in another forum but the 'men' was 'women' instead. It was very general and didn't point anyone in particular - not necessarily you either. If the hat doesn't fit, just don't wear it...
Author readynow Posted May 31, 2014 Author Posted May 31, 2014 Not sure why you said especially me…... Sorry Gore, I read your response ( Oh FFS. Change your tune. I don't even feel sorry for you people having dating troubles. You are so stuck in this dillusion that you fail to see the majority of men who are actually good ones) and thought you were referring to me in particular. Anyway, yeah I wanted to remove myself from the mix and see how others saw it... I have seen many relationships though where there's this bitch / jerk thing going on and the 'victim' is usually very happy and comfortable in their 'misfortune', oblivious of the fact that they are being 'used', ready to be dumped or to be trampled on further and are even happier to endure this 'ill-treatment' of themselves than to be without their partner. I honestly wonder why they won't be happier with someone kinder if they were suffering so much. 1
GoreSP Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 Sorry Gore, I read your response ( Oh FFS. Change your tune. I don't even feel sorry for you people having dating troubles. You are so stuck in this dillusion that you fail to see the majority of men who are actually good ones) and thought you were referring to me in particular. Anyway, yeah I wanted to remove myself from the mix and see how others saw it... I have seen many relationships though where there's this bitch / jerk thing going on and the 'victim' is usually very happy and comfortable in their 'misfortune', oblivious of the fact that they are being 'used', ready to be dumped or to be trampled on further and are even happier to endure this 'ill-treatment' of themselves than to be without their partner. I honestly wonder why they won't be happier with someone kinder if they were suffering so much. I think somedude81 had the best response to this…
stillafool Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 Stillafool, Candy_pants, and especially GoreSP - who might be mistaking me for someone else,... You should have seen from my previous post that I'm hardly ever against other's happy unions. What if I said that 'bitch' was me? And this is how 'someone' previously described my situation? I just asked to hear how others saw it and tried to relate it to the bitch / jerk debate. I've never read any of your previous posts and if I have I don't remember. Even if it is you you were referring to my opinion on this stays the same.
joystickd Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 Attraction isn't a choice. People like who or what they like. If you have to find a logical reason for something that is logical then the problem is YOU!!! An obsession with why about attraction only sets one up for problems. 2
tbf Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 On paper can't possibly define every element of attraction. Over-categorization also doesn't help. The crux of the entire fiasco can be summarized as "Why not me?". The answer is "because". 2
M30USA Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 Attraction isn't a choice. People like who or what they like. If you have to find a logical reason for something that is logical then the problem is YOU!!! An obsession with why about attraction only sets one up for problems. What if someone is attracted to crack cocaine?
joystickd Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 What if someone is attracted to crack cocaine? I'm talking male female interactions
Glinda.Good Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 I'm not attracted to jerks. I'm too much of a jerk myself; I've got that covered. I need a calming influence. I'm def not a bitch, though. So guys who have been attracted to me must be attracted to jerks.
No Limit Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 Men loving bitches? Often enough said bitch has disguised herself and shows her true face long after their first date. Attraction isn't a choice. This. I didn't believe in "love at first sight" and still don't, but the moment I saw this one guy from my old class I felt really attracted to him. Like, really really attracted, butterflies and all. Too bad he turned into a bully a few months later, but still the sight of him could make my day. But even clouded my brain still worked properly enough to say "No", so I never did anything else but taking the occasional peek from across the room. I even pushed myself away once when he tried to lay his arm around my shoulders, and I'm probably the only one who ever did that with a crush. I guess it just depends on the girl when they're attracted. Often enough they willingly - and sometimes unconsciously - decide to ignore all red flags and go for it anyway 'cause if little is good more can only be better, right? Heh, if only it were that easy. 2
Summerrose2013 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Men have a desire to please their partners. The bitch will never be satisfied, so the man is constantly striving to please her - she becomes a challenge. He gets more attached to her, as she's 'edgy' and challenging (so he thinks, but I bet she doesn't have a lot of good female friends, becasue they see her for what she really is - a rude and greedy bitch), and meanwhile she takes more advantage of his desperation to please her, and becomes contempful of him. Probably withdraws sex too as she knows he will stick around with only a pittance of favours. She moves away from him, doing more and more stuff away from him, he finds this even more alluring and challenging. Finally she leaves him, clears out his bank account, breaks his heart and he has no idea why because he thinks he did everything to please her and provide for her. My exes story of the break up of his marriage and the reason he got bored with me because I am too independant and didn't need him to do stuff for me (his words.) 5
xxoo Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 People get hooked by the ups and tolerate the downs so that they can continue to experience the ups. The higher the ups (great sex is one example), the more they'll tolerate to downs. Probably they've never experienced the ups without the downs, and so think this is just the way it is. I've read many posts here at LS expressing that belief. 4
ponchsox Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Men have a desire to please their partners. The bitch will never be satisfied, so the man is constantly striving to please her - she becomes a challenge. He gets more attached to her, as she's 'edgy' and challenging (so he thinks, but I bet she doesn't have a lot of good female friends, becasue they see her for what she really is - a rude and greedy bitch), and meanwhile she takes more advantage of his desperation to please her, and becomes contempful of him. Probably withdraws sex too as she knows he will stick around with only a pittance of favours. She moves away from him, doing more and more stuff away from him, he finds this even more alluring and challenging. Finally she leaves him, clears out his bank account, breaks his heart and he has no idea why because he thinks he did everything to please her and provide for her. My exes story of the break up of his marriage and the reason he got bored with me because I am too independant and didn't need him to do stuff for me (his words.) This is why the women I date must have the following: Come from a family that isn't broken Believe in the sanctity of marriage Are good communicators in a relationship and are willing to work through issues that come up. Before you jump into a relationship, look at their past. It will tell you what is likely to happen in the future. 1
Summerrose2013 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 (edited) This is why the women I date must have the following: Come from a family that isn't broken Believe in the sanctity of marriage Are good communicators in a relationship and are willing to work through issues that come up. Before you jump into a relationship, look at their past. It will tell you what is likely to happen in the future. Whilst I don't agree with your first criteria I respect it. I have a rule, no kids under 16 and get a lot of stick for it, but it's MY rule, not anyone elses and it's MY life and MY choices. My ex was surprised when his wife crapped all over him BUT she had done the same to her first husband, and is already telling her friends that she owns half of her new partners house and they aren't even married. Although the stock market tells us that past trends don't indicate future performance, me thinks otherwise in relationships! Of course he told me all his tales of woe so I went out of my way to be everything the opposite (stupidly) and he didn't want that either it turns out despite telling me he loved how much I did for him, how I wasn't interested in his money, etc etc....sigh....monkey say, monkey do...turns out he actually liked being used and abused - even now I think he still sees her as unfinsihed business. Idiot. Edited June 2, 2014 by Summerrose2013
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