ihateusernames123 Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 My boyfriend just dumped me on Tuesday after being together with me for almost four years. We were one of those inseparable couples that everyone envied. We are both good looking, intelligent, fun and young (I'm almost 24 and he just turned 25 two weeks ago). Throughout our relationship, we hardly ever fought and if we ever "fought" it was over something completely stupid and usually after a few drinks in. We had the ultimate trust in our relationship and never checked each other's phones or snooped around and we had some of the best times together. I knew he was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Roughly two months ago, I got a bad feeling in my gut. I couldn't quite understand what it was, but I felt things were starting to be different. His best girl friend was going through a divorce so she would talk to him all the time to get her mind off. They would go out alone once or twice a week. I kindly asked him to stop seeing her so frequently without my presence because it sounded like she was using him as a crutch. He was still allowed to talk and see her, but I just felt uncomfortable with the frequency. He stopped, but then he started having frequent nights out with his buddies which were like 8 hour long hang outs with heavy drinking. I'm all about him having friends, but I noticed he didn't introduce me to these friends. He would always show me off before and now I had no idea who these people are and what influence they had on him. I said I'd love to meet them. I didn't have to be there every time, but I noticed he stopped spending as much time with me. He also stopped texting me I love you first. He stopped texting me much in general. When he came home (we didn't live together), he would rather watch TV than talk to me. He also became defensive when I asked him about certain things such as why he never has money. Oh, and he developed an online poker habit. All these changes in the course of two months. On Tuesday, he called me on the phone and told me to go out to his car. He was just standing there and basically told me that it's over. He didn't want to give me an explanation and I had to beg for him to come inside. Once he came inside, he said I did absolutely nothing wrong and that he needed to figure himself out. He also said he now loves me as a "friend." Randomly, he also told me he thinks he has a drinking problem and needs therapy. He actually hardly drank around me lately so I was completely shocked. I asked if he just needed time and he said, no this is it forever and that it would be best for the both of us. The night before we were talking about our future and had great sex for almost two hours. How does he no longer feel anything? The week before I dropped $300 taking him out on his birthday and we had a blast. Our sex life is great as mentioned. I'm still really attractive and fit so I can't see that being an issue. I've given him nothing, but love, support and trust. I was there when he was at his worst. He was unemployed for a year and a half and I stuck around. I graduated before him and he knew my dream was to move to CA. I waited until he graduated before I even thought about us moving. We were supposed to start looking in July after our vacation. Our vacation is in one month with our happily married friends in a villa in the Caribbean. He said he couldn't come and so now I have to cancel his ticket. I put my life on hold waiting for him and being patient and now he just gets up and leaves? How can that be? Everyone including his family, my family and all of our mutual friends are in complete shock and nobody understands his decision. I'd love to hear some advice particularly from men. What is happening?
flightplan Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 Human nature is somewhat predictable and your story is one of millions that sound all too familiar and is not unique. Sorry you're having to go through this, but I would bet my paycheck he's found interest in someone else. There is a lot of solid advice on these boards that are time tested. Take advantage of the experiences of others and how to adjust and move forward. Based on your post, your ex is experiencing classic gigs.
jbelle6 Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 It's something with that "friend", he just won't tell you for a bit, but within a couple of months you'll find out. I don't trust relationships like that between men and women. I mean, would my Dad let my Mother go out and console some man who's getting a divorce, or vice versa? Of course not. She has girlfriends and family for that. I'm sorry, I would read up on no contact on this site, it's super helpful. I know how it feels and I'm sorry for your hurting. I know I come off blunt and harsh maybe but when people break up with us they never give the real truth. Seriously look up No contact.
Author ihateusernames123 Posted May 31, 2014 Author Posted May 31, 2014 It's something with that "friend", he just won't tell you for a bit, but within a couple of months you'll find out. I don't trust relationships like that between men and women. I mean, would my Dad let my Mother go out and console some man who's getting a divorce, or vice versa? Of course not. She has girlfriends and family for that. I'm sorry, I would read up on no contact on this site, it's super helpful. I know how it feels and I'm sorry for your hurting. I know I come off blunt and harsh maybe but when people break up with us they never give the real truth. Seriously look up No contact. I am not contacting him at all and moving on, but I feel like I have no closure. I've talked to his friend and I don't think they are doing anything together. They've been friends for 11 years and she told me she doesn't see him as anything more than a friend. He's looked me in the eyes and said the same thing to me. I could be wrong of course, but I don't see why there are other changes in his behavior.
jbelle6 Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 I am not contacting him at all and moving on, but I feel like I have no closure. I've talked to his friend and I don't think they are doing anything together. They've been friends for 11 years and she told me she doesn't see him as anything more than a friend. He's looked me in the eyes and said the same thing to me. I could be wrong of course, but I don't see why there are other changes in his behavior. Honestly, you won't get any closure because they never tell the real truth of what's going on. (even if it's not another woman, they don't want to tell the truth, they feel bad or guilty) You will only get closure working on yourself and being the best you that you can be, it comes from within when it no longer matters "why". Make sure you block him on facebook and other social media. You don't need to see anything on there to set you back. Best thing I did was that. Again, I'm sorry, it's weird how after a breakup someone we were closest to is almost a stranger.
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