Fiancee broke up and I feel I've waited for nothing

[ElRanchero]

We were suppost to get married after finishing college, which would have been in exactly 1 year from now. What's depressing is now I feel I've been waiting for nothing.

 

I met her towards April of my Senior year of HS and even though from the start I knew she wasn't into having a sexual relationship due to religion and this meant continue deliberately starving myself by masturbating like always for more years, I really liked her and then got to loving her that I decided to wait for her, even if that meant practicing more self-restrain. The hardest times where when we were at pool and having long making-out session or doing that in the bed and I would already be turn on.

 

When she gave me this sudden news 2 weeks ago as I was at her house, obviously I didn't took it well at all and told something like Why I'm I not good enough for you? So you made me wait all this long for nothing? You have any idea how frustrated I've been for years and I still manage to control myself, be patient and never cheat on you. I called her the b word at this point and slammed the door on the way out. I regret talking to her in that manner and have never done that to any girl. Just that I was pissed off and sad too.

 

She came with the excuse of not feeling the same in the relationship, how it got stale, me working more than before and how she wanted to new other people. I've been drinking alone to the point of getting drunk. I threw up a couple days ago. Basically, I've been waiting all this time for nothing.

 

Not sure what I can do now. Should I just go to a bar, get drunk and get it over with by paying an escort (yet I don't know why I'm having second thoughts about it, there is still part of me that really doesn't want to but I'm feeling so devastated over this break up)? I know it's cheap to be paying for sex but I don't know what's the point now if she's no longer in my life? She threw it all away.

[Stillits]

I don't know if you realise it, but reading your post it seems you were only in it for the big reward of sex in the end. You don't seem devastated to lose her as a person but "just" devastated at the thought of losing the possibility of sex.

If the major loss, in your opinion, was that now you will not get to have sex; then yes, you should consider going to find a one-night stand or something, but probably paying for sex is not the best idea.

 

I get you think she betrayed you by withholding sex from you and then bailing before you get it. But if that was all that was to this relationship it is probably better that it ended now before marriage.

When I have ended relationships (although granted, neither of them were sexless), the first thought in my mind was not "Oh damn, now I can't have sex with him anymore" it was an overwhelming feeling of emptiness and loss, that a part of my life had now been taken away.

[d0nnivain]

I agree with Stillits. You seem more upset by the fact that you aren't getting sex then you lost the love of your life.

 

 

I'm sorry that she broke up with you.

 

 

Under the circumstances I don't think what you said to her was all that horrible but it does come across like you miss the whole point of marriage which is for more than just Church sanctioned sex.

 

 

In the long run, it's better to end an engagement then to get a divorce. It's also much cheaper.

 

 

I don't think a quick one off is going to make you feel better. When you calm down & are not rebounding, you will do well to find a new person to date & enter into a loving sexual relationship with that person.

 

 

The time you spent with your now EX was not a waste. You exercised self control which isn't easy. You learned how to love & to be a good BF. You are now, unfortunately, experiencing heartache but that too will make you better by giving you empathy. Although it is painful & you are in the anger stage of your grief, it wasn't a waste.

[ElRanchero]

I was too upset to think when I lashed out like that and might have sounded like a jerk. I'm still totally shocked and really missed her, the whole relationship and our future.

 

Imagine if you were promised something and know it's hard but you're ok with it and then suddenly after so long, you are told that though your efforts and patience were great it's a ''Thanks but no thanks, bye''. I'm sure you would be fuming like hell too and feel like the biggest loser ever.

 

It wasn't easy having self-control and thing is I've been masturbating since I was 15, only to end up having to continue doing (still not knowing what's it like doing the real thing with a gf) that since it'll take some time finding a gf again and being in a relationship. What if I do get into a relationship and when the times comes, I have to explain her the situation of why at age 21 (but I'll probably be 22 by then) and towards the last of my college year, I have never had a sexual relationship yet?

[ElRanchero]

I'm still very hesitant about the escort thing. What if I finally get to know what's it like, only to get disappointed since it'll be over so fast and I'll never see her again? STD's also crossed my mind.

 

At the same thing I've been sexually frustrated for years now and knowing that she'll never come back and I'm not going to have the future I was promised after all this hard work on my part, it can get any man upset and think about what I'm thinking too. Some might do it, other will hesitate and certain might not.